On The Subject Of Spam

September 25, 2008 by missheather
Filed under: Area 51, Asshole

I have been receiving a lot of it of late. A. LOT. While always irritating, now the brains behind sending me, a female, adverts for Cialis, Viagra and porn sites featuring blushing young woman doing very dirty things have added yet another diabolical flourish to their sordid solicitations: asking me to confirm receipt of their crap.

Now let me tell you, I harbor the nothing but the darkest possible hatred for people who engage in this practice. Experience has proven to me time and time again only corporate drones who can’t find their ass with both hands —and as such assume I cannot either— ask me to confirm receipt of their emails in this manner. Anyone who would program a robot shilling porn and pills (I clearly do not need) invokes a hellish wrath in my person mere words cannot adequately describe. Seriously. We’re talking rage, kids.

On that note I am going to give them what they want: confirmation of that I received their missives. Miss Heather style: haikus using their own fucking ad copy.

Louise (I Love You Long Time)

El saludo im
Louise im 24 years old.
My ass wait you here!

Lulu

Ola im Lulu,
To My Group Sex Video.
Look rather at! Thanks!

Never Give Up (Ode to Cialis)

When you are young and
stressed up. When you
are aged never give upâ€¦

That felt really, really good. Methinks I will have to write more of these moving forward. Keep the spam coming assholes (and I have no doubt you will). Now if you don’t mind I’m off to write a Bad Date Haiku.*

Miss Heather

*Anyone interested in making a contribution (until we establish a “system”) can do so by emailing me:

missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com

Be sure to include a link to an accompanying photograph. How will you know I received your email? When I post it, that’s how!

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Comments

3 Comments on On The Subject Of Spam

amandabee on Thu, 25th Sep 2008 5:47 pm

I don’t know what you use for a mail client but most will let you set global preferences with respect to return receipts. In Thunderbird it is on the Advanced > General tab.

d on Thu, 25th Sep 2008 9:09 pm

I filter all of my website administrator email through a GMail account. It gets 99.9% of that crap and I never have to see it.

Jay on Fri, 26th Sep 2008 12:37 pm

There’s only one reason a spammer wants confirmation: they’re going to sell your address to more spammers. Confirmed addresses are worth more. If you reply to or confirm receipt of spam, you’re going to get a lot more of it, and you’re helping them make money.

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