From The New York Shitty Inbox: How Not To Operate a Bicycle

November 10, 2009 by missheather
Filed under: Area 51

This item comes courtesy of a reader named Jan. He writes (in an email entitled “It Had To Happen One Day”):

I was walking down Driggs headed into Northside Wburg this past Friday morning and walked into another comical edition of clowns on bikes.

Between the Union St. turn off by teh dog run and the intersection of Lorimer St. two bikers had what used to be termed “a cornfield meet”.Â Dude texting and listening to iPod on his bike going the wrong way down Driggs head-ons a young grrrrl going the right way down Driggs.

grrrl who is paying attention yells “WATCH OUT!!”
**LOUD BIKE BENDING CRASH NOISE**
grrrl “YOU JERK, WHY WERE YOU RIDING THE WRONG WAY??”
dudeÂ “uh, there’s no signs saying that”Â – continues to text
grrl “ARE YOU TEXTING NOW?? GAWD.”
dudeÂ “um sorry”
*GRRRL checks bike handlebar/wheel alignment*
grrl “YOU ASSHOLE”
**dude gets back on bike, adjusts iPod headphones, rides off a little more wobbly.

“ASSHOLE!!”

**grrl is annoyed, but bike seems ok, she rides off.

We also need to tell people that Manhattan Ave is NOT a bike lane, so don’t f-in yell at old people crossing the street or pulling out of parking spaces.Â The bike lane is on Leonard St.

This brings me to something that really bothers me. No, it is not bicyclists. Rather, it is people who are too busy futzing with their various and sundry peripheral devices to watch where the hell they are going. Is it just me or does walking down Manhattan Avenue on any given Saturday or Sunday feel like a game of Pole Position?

Miss Heather

About the image gracing the beginning of this post: this rather nifty sculpture hails from Grand Street between Berry and Bedford Avenue.