From The New York Shitty Inbox, Part II: On The Boardwalk
A fellow named Christopher (who took the above photograph today at 6:00 p.m.) writes:
From following your blog I thought you would “enjoy” this. I wonder how the people who paid 1/2 million plus for their condos on the new Williamsburg waterfront feel about their backyard on the weekends now.
Excellent question. I wonder if rats have been spotted yet? No worries, I am certain they will be soon enough…
New York Shitty Day Starter: Keep Off The Grass, Part II
(Or: A Turf War?)
A person we’ll call “L” writes (in regards to this post written on Sunday, May 13, 2012):
Hello! I was searching for information on why people are being kept off the grass at Smorgasburg. I saw your post…
You must have been there later than I was that day. When I was there last Saturday (May 12th), there was actually a security guard running people off — even if just their feet were touching the grass. We suspected it was security from The Edge, but couldn’t find any proof of that. I think I was there from 11 until about 12:30 or so.
I asked @smorgasburg, via Twitter, and got no reply.
I’m very curious to see if you find out more. The lack of shade is already a big problem at Smorgasburg, and not being able to sit in the grass seems a shame.
To preface, L: Smorgasburg’s liquor license hearings (Yes, there was more than one— and I attended both!) proved to be contentious. Very simply put:
- Smorgasburg gave a pretty lackluster presentation the first time. Among other things: they presented a petition in favor of said liquor license which had 2 (or 3) signatures total, stated their endeavor had the support of our Borough President, Marty Markowitz, without presenting any documentation; presented a letter of support from the condominium board of The Edge*— but curiously letters had been received from Edge residents wishing that no liquor license be granted.
- Now take into account how the Open Space Alliance concert series upset people who reside in this area. The issues at hand were a lack of crowd-control and public intoxication. Smorgasburg did not present a “plan” as to how to deal with those who were going to imbibe at their event. Well, you can guess what happened next: their license was voted down by the Public Safety Committee of Community Board 1. Three to two.
- However, Smorgasburg they withdrew their application, reapplied and gave no less than two pages of material outlining how they would manage this event (inclusing crowd control and security). This was well received and got a unanimous thumb’s up form the Community Board.
To (finally) answer your question, L:
The Ponzi scheme our city (via rezoning) has with developers regarding parks development on our waterfront is entities such as The Edge will develop waterfront park space, turn it over to the city, and in return they get benefits. Among them: building taller buildings.
But the salient question here is what happens when there is (undeveloped) space used by a business (this being Smorgasburg) which is owned by a developer (presumably The Edge) and what happens if the area abutting it, the piece of turf in question, is also owned by a developer. If that’s the case (and I suspect it is here), he/she can do whatever he/she wants—and this includes rent-a-cops telling you to get off their grass.
*Which has been alleged does not exist.
Great Moments In Real Estate Marketing: Hardcore Luxury
When I saw this corker at the corner of Bedford Avenue and North 6 Street today I simply had to document it. As soon as I got home I brought it to the Mister’s attention. I don’t care if he took a personal day today or not: this is important.
This woman simply does not have enough tattoos. Although the one she does have— which looks like it was selected and possibly executed under the influence of narcotics— or possibly in jail— is a good start.
I stated, to get the ball rolling.
She went somewhere very nice that tattoo. I have no doubt she paid a lot of money to make it look like she got it in prison.
The Mister countered.
“Agreed” I said and went on to opine:
There are a number of things wrong with this ad now that I have really looked at it. For starters, why isn’t someone sitting at the table surrounded by empty cans of PBR and Colt 45 cutting up a suspicious white substance with a gold card? Maybe they’re doing it on the granite counter tops in the bathroom instead?
To wit the Mister replied:
What I want to know is where’s the scraggly haired son of bitch passed out on the couch? You know, the one she’s “dating”* to piss her dad off?
I could not have put it better myself. Sorry Edge PR hacks, but until you make the changes we have just outlined (oh yeah, throw in some piercings while you’re at it) this advertisement is a colossal fail.
Miss Heather
*This was not the word the Mister used.
New York Shitty Day Ender: Cheesecake
North 9 Street
North 6 Street
Miss Heather
P.S.: Anyone care to enlighten me as to what this “job contingency” incentive is that the Edge is offering? Man oh man they must be getting desperate.
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