A Self-Congratulatory Post

Before I proceed I want to make it known that I am not terribly keen on blogging my achievements. It may sound strange to some of you but I’m a pretty private person. What’s more, I am the classic example of an underachiever, ergo; I do not have much to crow about in the first place. However, in this case I am going to make an exception. If for no other reason because it will serve as a pretext for me to share with you, dear readers, some very exciting news I learned today.

When I received my Greenpoint shirt from Subtexture I was pretty damned excited. So much so I threw it on top of the shirt I was wearing at the time. I wanted to give it a “field test”. As I had suspected a few problems arose:

1. The shirt was too long.

2. I hated the sleeves.
3. While pretty nifty in its own right, this piece of apparel needed some additional fabulousness befitting a real housewife of King’s County.

As I was working at the junk shop I pondered ways to address the aforementioned issues. The sleeves would have to go, I decided. That is easy enough to remedy. I have been altering my clothing for a long time. But what about points #2 and #3? Simply hemming it would not look right. Then inspiration struck. I confided my plan to my co-worker, Laura. She replied:

You are not really going to do that, are you?

You bet your ass I am!

I replied. And this weekend I did.

I am not a patient person. Anyone who knows me well will tell you this. For this reason I want to congratulate myself on this (albeit meager) accomplishment. I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention that quaffing Patron Silver assisted me tremendously with this endeavor. It did. Especially in light of the “help” I received from a few of the Chez Shitty furkids.

See the beads? I’ll give you three guesses where they were when I came back from using the bathroom.

More “help”. Those of you who are not familiar with the manifold joys of pet ownership I am going to share a little known fact: if you have an article of black clothing it is a magnet for any NON-black cats in your household. I do not think I have to explain the reason for this. In closing (and getting back to the real purpose of this post) I would like to share the very special news I hinted at in the beginning of this post. I have been told by the creator of this shirt that they are proving to be big seller with the employees of our beloved Eighth Wonder of the World.

Shit Tit Pride: it’s contagious!

Miss Heather

UPDATE, 4:06 p.m.: I have brought my handiwork to the attention of this shirt’s designer. Here’s what he had to say:

holy shit tits!!! amazing! you’ll be getting orders to do custom work