From The New York Shitty Inbox: I Asked For Ugly…

June 3, 2009 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Brooklyn, Williamsburg

and well, I got it.

I have christened the above King’s Crap “The Gruesome Twosome” but I’ll let the contributor of this craptastic combo, Vintage James, take it from here:

You want ugly, I’ll show you ugly. Since I know that you have a thorough understanding of the true meaning of fugly, I submit this for your viewing displeasure. These turdbits sit side by side on E. 19th St. Between Quentin Rd. and Ave. R in Brooklyn, an area that is correctly called Homecrest but may be referred to as Midwood, Madison or Sheepshead Bay, depending on which ethnic group the condo market is trying to lure on any particular day.

The Baby Shit Building on the left may have been inspired by the Ex-Lax Building on Atlantic Ave., with some Nathan’s mustard thrown in. As for the Cyclops Building on the right, I’m afraid to guess. But we should not overlook the real benefit of these architectural misadventures–they are right next to each other, so we can pause and shift our focus from one bad idea to another.

I accept your challenge for the ugliest, and issue a throw-down–show me two or more adjacent buildings that are fuglier than these.

I have to admit these bad boys are pretty ugly. But somehow I find myself drawn to the one to the right. To quote Darth Vader:

I sense something. A presence I’ve not felt since…

well, I took a walk on the Southside yesterday afternoon! “Midwood” Mini Me, meet your long lost (and much bigger) brother.

I initially thought 275 South 1st Street was a Karl Fischer creation by virtue of its sheer ugliness and lack of context. I was wrong. This beauty comes courtesy of Leonid Krupnik, P.E.

The filing agent for this abomination was, amusingly enough, Sergey Drabkin. How very drab indeed!

Cold war ambiance in the heart of Williamsburg. Before Perestroika one would have to patronize a high-end government-owned and operated hotel in Eastern Europe (preferably Albania or Bulgaria) to savor something this gray and depressing. Now you don’t have to.Â The workers’ playground of yesterday is yours today! Right here in New York City and at very capitalist (READ: Manhattanesque) prices!

Brooklyn: 4
Queens: 1 (the L Haus)

Bring on the crap, Crappy! I’m beginning to think you’re getting soft. What’s more, I don’t want to go head on into this race to the bottom alone. 😉

Miss Heather

Posted by missheather 3 Comments

North Brooklyn Photos Du Jour: Urban Fur

April 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg

Kingsland Avenue

Manhattan Avenue

McCarren Park

Roebling Street

South 1st Street

South 2nd Street

Miss Heather

Posted by missheather 1 Comment

Found On The Southside

April 7, 2009 ·
Filed under: Street Art, Urban Artifact, Williamsburg

Whenever I want to see something that makes me scratch my head and wonder:

What the fuck?

I head over to the Southside. It is not my intent to sound like I putting this great neighborhood down: nothing could be further from the truth. Of all the neighborhoods in all of Brooklyn only this bit of 11211 straddling the BQE even comes close to some of the oddities I find here in Greenpoint. And on that note follows is something I encountered at the junction of Borinquen Place, South 1st Street and Grand Street recently. I would presume it to be an art work of some kind. Or some hitherto unknown pagan deity. Who knows? Life is mysterious.

Here is a view of its head. If you ask me it resembles Homer Simpson crossed with Mr. Peanut.* On acid.

Here is a frontal view. As you can see our little fella has rather protuberant buttocks. Astroturf appears to have been employed as well. Speaking as someone who once was both a teaching fellow and teaching assistant I have to admit nothing like this ever found its way into my classroom. It’s a shame, really. Had some fresh-faced student proffered up something like this I probably would have had a lot more interest in teaching. So it goes.

In any case if this item tickles your fancy (or you’re looking for a gift for that hard-to-shop-for person) better get down there fast. I doubt this urban artifact will be without a home for long.

Miss Heather

*And bears more than a passing resemblance to the following, which is located on Metropolitan Avenue.