Word Of The Day: Nondo

(Or Ray Of Blight: A Dear John Letter to Magic Johnson)

Curbed wrote:

…You know the Viridian? (the ugly Modernist monolith depicted above— Ed. Note.) The high profile luxe condo at 110 Green Street in Greenpoint? We got a tip that it was going rental. We resisted running it as a rumor, even though we fully suspected it was true. An immediate denial was not forthcoming. The Viridian is still on the Developers Group website, although it is at the very end, behind two other buildings that recently went rental. Today comes word from a spokesperson: “According to The Developers Group, it’s being considering to convert the building to rental, but it has not been confirmed.” That, friends, is a polite way of saying “nondo in the works,” but we have to work out the legalities and paperwork. The building will be 130 units. The first segment of the building is slated to open by the end of the year or early 2009. Phase II is slated for late spring and Phase III is due in Q3 2009. Listings had shown asking prices for 1BRs starting at $458,000, 2BRs at $639,000 and 3BRs at $825,000. A little more than a dozen units had sold.

Non-do, n. pl. nondominiums: a substandard housing complex of dwelling units erected with a heavy measure of speculative greed, a promise of urban renewal (and a celebrity’s smile) with the cheapest labor and materials available in the hopes that each unit will be purchased at above market value. When the economy (and abject stupidity with a down payment) fails they dump their cheap crap into the rental market. See: Greenpoint, Suckers; Dewey, Cheatem and Howe or The Cocoanuts.

Um, this doesn’t look like a standard brick and mortar job to me, Magic.

Perhaps it’s because it is transparent (as opposed to opaque). I suppose that’s what renters and your 13 suckers buyers (or to see the glass half full: %10 OCCUPANCY) should expect for their money. For what’s it worth, your lackeys removed the siding peeling off the first floor of your dump testament to progress. I for one am grateful for this, as a humble peon who has the pleasure of living on the block where your testament to progress DUMP is being erected; it made walking down the sidewalk challenging.

Your eager beavers are working day and night now (without impediment from the Department of Buildings who I am certain someone in your chain of command paid off nicely) but none have seen fit to get rid of the vandalism. Including the bit of graffiti on the pillar next your building’s front door. You might want to look into that; it’s a turn-off to virtual golf-goers and roof-top cabana enthusiasts. And for the record I can state unequivocally that there has never been as much graffiti (or GARBAGE) on this block since you and yours saw fit to raze a fair chunk of it. Thank you for making Green Street less beautiful (or more ugly) place, Magic.

That’s not to suggest we didn’t have our good times: I got many a chuckle when workers from your site patronized my place of employment. A junk shop. Who doesn’t want to buy some porn (DVD only— urination, scat vids, much less Blackeyed Pees were unacceptable– only “fucky fucky”), stereo equipment or the odd saw (power strip, ruler, etc.) on his lunch hour? Especially when the scabs free market capitalists you hired are expected to provide their own tools? I was more than happy to assist them.

In my free time I have been verbally abused by your workers. Hissing and kissing noises mostly. Occasionally a chap would grab his nuts (to remind me I have none): a thankful reminder that I have no little head to overrule my “big head”. You’re a class operation, Viridian. I can hardly wait for phase 3, Magic.

Just like syphilis, your project is the gift that keeps on giving!

Miss Heather