Greenpoint
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Culture on the Cheap
From The New York Shitty Inbox: In A Different Light
One of the joys of the junk shop (and there are many) is it has enabled me to meet lots of people. One such individual is a chap named Joe. A few weeks ago struck up a conversation with my boss (and buddy) Larry about monster movie hosts. As the conversation progressed he made it known that he was in the neighborhood taking photographs and wanted advice as to what to shoot. Without hesitation Larry and I said:
The Shit Tits.
We are of the belief that no visit to Greenpoint is complete without viewing this landmark in its resplendent bullet bra glory. Like it or hate it one had to admit it is one of the defining characteristics of our fair burgh. What’s more, I think it is pretty neat! Anyhoo, Joe and I exchanged information, I got busy and forgot about it. Until yesterday when Joe dropped me a line. He writes:
I was talking to Larry and you about Monster Movie hosts. After I wandered through Greenpoint and across to Queens, taking pictures all the way. Here’s the link.
Click the link I did. What I found was pretty darned cool!
A pair of Garden Spot sneaks.
Children at play.
And of course, our beloved Shit Tits.
All in all I found it refreshing to see our neighborhood from another person’s eyes. Those of you who have a moment should click here and peruse Joe’s photo set from his sojourn in the Garden Spot. It’s really neat!
Miss Heather
From The New York Shitty Inbox: It’s On!
Remember how I reported on Wednesday that the ribbon cutting ceremony for the Newtown Creek Waste Treatment facility’s Visitor’s Center was canceled? Well, it would appear we’re back on!
My advice: RSVP before they change their mind. Get your Shit Tit shirts ready fellow Garden Spotters!
Visitor’s Center Grand Opening
April 24, 2010 10:30 a.m. – 11:30 a.m.
329 Greenpoint Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Miss Heather
P.S.: Maybe if we’re lucky Mr. Acconci will do a reenactment of Seedbed for us!
From The New York Shitty Inbox: Canceled
Remember when I announced last month that the ribbon cutting of the Newtown Creek Visitors Center was at long last going to happen April 24, 2010? It would appear this is no longer the case:
I do not think I have to say this but I’m going say it anyway: I am not just disappointed— I am PISSED! Not only have I been busy making preparations for this auspicious occasion but as it would happen it was going to coincide with Ma Heather’s visit to our fair city. Who the hell wants to go to some over-priced snobitorium like MOMA when he (or she) can get an eyeful (and noseful) of art right here in the Garden Spot— with free food no less? I don’t.
Today as I was walking past our cutting edge waste treatment plant facility I wondered to myself:
Exactly WHAT are these people doing?
Then I looked up— and got my answer.
I demand satisfaction.
Miss Heather
A Self-Congratulatory Post
Before I proceed I want to make it known that I am not terribly keen on blogging my achievements. It may sound strange to some of you but I’m a pretty private person. What’s more, I am the classic example of an underachiever, ergo; I do not have much to crow about in the first place. However, in this case I am going to make an exception. If for no other reason because it will serve as a pretext for me to share with you, dear readers, some very exciting news I learned today.
When I received my Greenpoint shirt from Subtexture I was pretty damned excited. So much so I threw it on top of the shirt I was wearing at the time. I wanted to give it a “field test”. As I had suspected a few problems arose:
1. The shirt was too long.
2. I hated the sleeves.
3. While pretty nifty in its own right, this piece of apparel needed some additional fabulousness befitting a real housewife of King’s County.
As I was working at the junk shop I pondered ways to address the aforementioned issues. The sleeves would have to go, I decided. That is easy enough to remedy. I have been altering my clothing for a long time. But what about points #2 and #3? Simply hemming it would not look right. Then inspiration struck. I confided my plan to my co-worker, Laura. She replied:
You are not really going to do that, are you?
You bet your ass I am!
I replied. And this weekend I did.
I am not a patient person. Anyone who knows me well will tell you this. For this reason I want to congratulate myself on this (albeit meager) accomplishment. I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention that quaffing Patron Silver assisted me tremendously with this endeavor. It did. Especially in light of the “help” I received from a few of the Chez Shitty furkids.
See the beads? I’ll give you three guesses where they were when I came back from using the bathroom.
More “help”. Those of you who are not familiar with the manifold joys of pet ownership I am going to share a little known fact: if you have an article of black clothing it is a magnet for any NON-black cats in your household. I do not think I have to explain the reason for this. In closing (and getting back to the real purpose of this post) I would like to share the very special news I hinted at in the beginning of this post. I have been told by the creator of this shirt that they are proving to be big seller with the employees of our beloved Eighth Wonder of the World.
Shit Tit Pride: it’s contagious!
Miss Heather
UPDATE, 4:06 p.m.: I have brought my handiwork to the attention of this shirt’s designer. Here’s what he had to say:
holy shit tits!!! amazing! you’ll be getting orders to do custom work
From The Greenpoint Grapevine: Shit Tit Soiree
The details are scant on this item but being the lover of the Shit Tits that I am I simply cannot resist passing along what I DO know. STAT. The date for the official opening of the Visitor’s Center at our beloved Waste Treatment Facility has been set: April 24, 2010 at 10:00 a.m.
Visitor’s Center Grand Opening
April 24, 2010; 10:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.
Newtown Creek Waste Treatment Facility
340 Greenpoint Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
The rumor is our fair Mayor might— just might— attend this soiree. Mark your calendars and get your Shit Tit shirts ready fellow Greenpointers. Let’s show our elected officials and technocrats some good ol’ fashioned Garbage Garden Spot pride!
Miss Heather
From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Live From The Mark Bar
This photo (which showcases a Bad Brains-inspired tee shirt featuring none other than our beloved Shit Tits!) was taken by autovac. Two words: love it! Lest you are wondering, this shirt is for sale! You can purchase ’em for the very reasonable price of $20.00 (plus $5.00 shipping) by pointing and clicking here.
Miss Heather
UPDATE, March 15, 2010; I have just been informed by my mother that I am to purchase one of these for Pa Heather. I am pleased to report this has come to pass!
Greenpoint Video du Jour: Think Tanking
Remember “Think Tanking”, the brainchild of my buddy Larry da Junkman and his cohort in crime Willie? Well, they’re hitting us with a new episode— which they purport to be their worst— in which they go to Town Square’s Pumpkinfest, muse about Manhattan Avenue cougars and pay our very own Shit Tits a visit. I was present during a great deal of the filming of this opus but alas, save one line, I found my way onto the proverbial cutting room floor. Enjoy— or not!
Shortly after this was filmed I was made aware that as of Spring 2010 the Visitor’s Center at the Newtown Creek Waste Treatment Facility will officially open and regular tours of the tits will be conducted. Perhaps when this comes to pass the guys at Think Tanking will film a follow-up episode? I can only hope so!
Miss Heather
New York Shitty Day Starter: Coming At You From Greenpoint
Filed under: 11101, 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Newtown Creek, Queens
My buddy Larry da Junkman has been involved in a number of very interesting projects lately. Follows is a snippet of one of them. It is part of an ongoing collaboration with the Vole Show and is entitled Think Tanking: Journey To The Newtown Creek Nature Walk Part 2. Larry’s daughter (clad in fairy wings and a tiara no less) steals the show. Enjoy!
I can hardly wait to see what these madmen come up with next.
Miss Heather
LAST GASP: (Literally)
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Earlier today I relayed more deets via the Greenpoint grapevine regarding the suicide at 141 Dupont Street. Lest I have not made it clear already I think this man’s suicide is a sad testament as to what happens when older residents feel like (and are treated like) strangers in their own neighborhood. I— and undoubtedly most, if not all the people reading this—Â have a “network” of friends to fall back on when life slips us a Mickey. This man didn’t. Or worse yet: he didn’t feel he had a shoulder to cry on. He should have had many.
The most endearing quality of Greenpoint is not its scenery, transportation options (pick your poison: the G train, B43 or B61 bus), affordable housing (there is none) or restaurants. It’s the people. While I still very much consider Greenpoint to be a community walls are being built. They are invisible but very existent nonetheless. Us versus them. We are all to some degree or another guilty of this. I can only hope moving forward we all will take some time to give an ear (pull out the earbuds), lend little heart to our fellow Greenpointers and be better neighbors.
What this man felt before he chose to end his own life will never be known. I can only relay what I have been told. Which brings me to this:
…i guess he was found with a bag over his head and a noose, and had been there for some time. a few of us on the block had noticed a stench about a month ago, but put it down to rats or it just being greenpoint…
I’ll admit the Garden Spot of the Universe has been particularly malodorous of late. But enough so to merit equating the smell of a decomposing body to “creek reek”?!? That’s bad. “How bad”, you ask?
The following (from 838 Manhattan Avenue) should give you some indication.
Passerby (laughing her ass off and pointing excitedly to her friends):
Someone is finally doing something about the smell! (laughter) It’s gotten so bad they’re actually doing something about it. (more laughter)
It’s that bad. And, as one Brownstoner commenter, DitmasSnark, so sagely opined (regarding ‘Stoner’s the Viridian offering one bedrooms rentals for mere $2,200 a month):
“I guess some people will pay extra to be within 6 blocks of the G train.” Not to mention three blocks from the sewage treatment plant.
’Tis an ill wind that blows nobody any good.
CORRECTION: that’s 2 (short) blocks from the sewage treatment plant. I live in that ill wind. The collection ponds are at Provost, Green, Huron, India Streets. Just follow your nose.
How can having a doorman, fountain, rooftop cabanas counteract a neighborhood that smells like a well worn jock strap or dead body? Much less pay $2,200 for the experience? I guess what P.T. Barnum was (reputed to say) is true: there’s a sucker born every minute.
Miss Heather
Great Minds Think Alike: Forgotten NY Does Greenpoint…
AVENUE, that is. Shortly after I took a jaunt down Greenpoint Avenue here in the Garden Spot my buddy Kevin over at Forgotten NY decided to write a “Street Scenes” feature about the wonderful things to be found on this thoroughfare both in its namesake ‘nabe and beyond! I was particularly moved by his coverage of what we Greenpointers fondly call the “Shit Tits” (as seen at left):
Anaerobic Digestion Boobs
Well, we’ve seen the udders … here are the boobs …These somewhat disturbing objects at North Henry Street are called digester eggs. Through a process called anaerobic digestion they reduce the volume of sludge (what’s left of sewage after debris and liquid are removed) by nearly half. The egg shape is a space-efficient and minimal maintenance European design. The green thing in between the eggs is an elevator, in case you want to see what’s going on up there.
I never, EVER thought I would see the day Kevin Walsh would use the word boobs on Forgotten NY. I suppose I am rubbing off on him. This may or may not be a good thing but I can state with 100% certainty that this post is well worth reading. Check it out!
Miss Heather
P.S.: For more information/infotainment about the Newtown Waste Treatment Facility check out my piece over at the Poop Report.
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