From The New York Shitty Inbox, Part I: Street Justice On McGuinness Boulevard?

The above item comes courtesy of Jay Lombard, who writes:

You should check out this car on McG near Norman. Parked next to PS 34 for weeks (wish I had taken a photo from late Feb for comparison). It has the usual dirt and grime from being parked on the Boulevard for an extended period PLUS our neighbors have seen fit to adorn it with:
1) contents of litter box. Note the clump factor
2) shriveled banana peel
3) remnants of at least two notes requesting removal. Possibly by the principal of the adjacent school?

Besides occupying a prime parking spot in a neighborhood where parking is scarce this vehicle prevents the street from being cleaned (Sweeper operators have left a noticeable trail from repeatedly swerving around it), is an eyesore and, now, is beginning to stink. I’ve placed a call to 311 to report an abandoned car with NH plates. How long until it gets removed and what other items pile on top of it while it sits there are anyone’s guess.

WOW. Methinks I will have to pay this al fresco litter box a visit!

Miss Heather

 

Reader Contributions du Jour: Garden Spot Rainbows

April 5, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Newtown Creek 

Taken by Todd.


Taken by Christo.

Tonight’s Town Hall meeting was contentious to say the very least.* So much so yours truly saw fit to make a stop on the way home for some medicinal spirits. Needless to say I was delighted to find these nice, soothing images in my inbox when I arrived home. Great job, guys!

Miss Heather

*Naturally I shot footage and will be sharing this Greenpoint goodness— so check back!

From The New York Shitty Inbox: The Blue Bloods Film Shoot Experience

March 26, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

If my inbox— and personal experiences— regarding last night’s into this morning’s film shoot are any indication, the recent occupation of our neighborhood by the Blue Blood’s crew did not go over well. First off, we’ll start with this missive from a Dupont Street resident (as addressed to the Manager of Community Board 1, Gerald “Gerry” Esposito):

…It’s now Saturday about 12:15 a.m. From my fifth floor window, I’m listening to a film crew yell back and forth across the street. I see flood lights peeping through my curtains and I hear the cars speeding around the corner for a chase scene.  I can’t imagine what the folks on the ground floor are experiencing. My daughter-in-law and grandson attempted to go home from Dupont St. at about 12 a.m. They had a long trip and needed to catch their bus. They were prevented from catching their bus by the film crew. At this hour, the bus stops about every 30 minutes or more.  My daughter-in-law gave up and they slept over. My grandson is only a little boy. It’s lucky for the crew that I wasn’t downstairs when they were confronted, because I wouldn’t have taken a confrontation with my grandson present lightly. The entire avenue has been affected by this movie already. I lost count of how many streets are closed off. Allowing film crews to intrude on this neighborhood at late hours is over the top.  I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve had enough.  There are way too many movies being filmed in the neighborhood. They are taking over massive amounts of space and extending hours until the early morning. What can be done about setting some limits on these film crews?  My first thought would be to organize folks to literally prevent the next crew from working. Any advise or direction you can offer would be greatly appreciated. The people here are truly being taken advantage of.

Meanwhile, over on Oak Street I received this (somewhat) uplifting missive:

Speaking of good PR, I had my car towed today because of a film shoot. There were no signs on the pole near the corner of Oak & Franklin. I called the site producer listed on the sign (NYPD hung up on me) and he bent over backwards to find my car for me. There aren’t tickets or fees when it’s a shoot, they towed me down past Vans & Pop’s. I appreciated that he made the effort & was super nice. I was just about to rant about the rampant filming down here lately.

And there is my personal testimony. Or as I prefer to call it: I wanted beer and got a car chase instead.

To preface:

  1. I understand folks want to film here.
  2. But after last night I have to wonder what, if any, consideration is being made by the Mayor’s Office of Film, Theater and Broadcasting regarding mass transit and foot traffic when copious parts of my community are being used by film crews at one time. And a very BAD time at that, but I’ll go into that later.
  3. Here’s a list of where Blue Bloods was approved to film. (I have mapped locations which exist in reality):
    a. 50 Moultrie Street at Meserole Avenue
    b. Driving scenes from Clay Street to Meserole Avenue between Franklin Street and McGuiness (sic) Blvd (Manhattan Avenue or they just being given free run of Greenpoint? — Ed. Note)
    c. Manhattan Avenue between Green and Dupont Streets (Now this is beginning to make sense! —Ed. Note)
    d. Driving scenes on Huron Street between West Street and dead end.
  4. And here is the time frame our fair city allotted them to do this fun stuff: 1:00 pm – 5:00 am.
  5. Here’s the deal: north Greenpointers tend to rely on the B43 and B62 bus versus the G train. When this service is removed my fellow citizens have to walk. They cannot walk when there are minders (however polite most of them were) on every corner admonishing you there is a car chase being filmed. Repeatedly.
  6. For simple folk like myself, there are only two 24 hour delis above India Street. So when someone, say, needs eggs, produce, tampons, the occasional condom; and of course beer guess what: we’re fucked! We get to stand around and freeze our asses off while they do whatever they want to do— with police protection. Paid for with our tax dollars, no less.

Without further ado here’s some footage I shot along with commentary. Enjoy!

Green Street at Manhattan Avenue, 9:15 p.m.

Upon Purchasing Beer, I Have To Wait To Cross Manhattan Avenue.

I wait some more.

New York Shitty Analysis/observations:

1. Cordoning off Green Street at Manhattan Avenue is idiotic. Had anyone from our fair Mayor’s Office of Film and whatnot cared to undertake a study of this intersection he (or she) would have known this is a very bad idea: it is the street of choice for Taxis, livery cabs and who not/what not to access McGuinness Boulevard, the Pulaski Bridge and, after the lattermost; the Queens Midtown Tunnel. Anyone with a basic grasp of the grid of one way streets here would comprehend this. It is not rocket science. It should also be noted the aforementioned vehicular traffic is especially heavy on (surprise!) Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights!

2. The “minders”/Police shouting at residents like drill sergeants is a nice touch.

Shortly thereafter I was allowed to cross the street. Instead of merely going home I decided to stick around. I did not open my precious beer for fear I would be ticketed by the police. That’s when I learned…

I am not the only person inconvenienced for merely living here and purchasing beer!

New York Shitty Analysis/observations:

1. These folks were using the bike lanes— as they should.
2. Any man who can carry what appears to be a 18-24 pack of Budweiser while steering a bike successfully is pretty amazing.
3. When yelled at by the local constabulary, they walked with their bikes on the sidewalk. (I like to give credit to considerate bike people when the opportunity arises.)

And they do it again.

Conclusions/questions:

  1. Who does Greenpoint belong to? The people who live here or anyone with enough clout/money who elects to film here?
  2. Given the preponderance of filming facilities here I see this kind of thing getting worse, not better.
  3. If what came to pass last night bothers you, fellow north ‘Pointers, please share your feelings with Ms. Karen Oliver, the Commissioner of Mayor’s Office of Film, Theatre & Broadcasting.

Our fair city has for all intents and purposes failed to deliver on any and all promises made regarding affordable housing and park space here. Yet, we get saddled with film shoots like what happened last night. Am I the only person who sees something wrong with this relationship?

UPDATE, July 31, 2011: It has come to my attention that this tome has come to the attention a Tumblr page dedicated to this television show. They called it a “NYC negative filming rant” but noted that “the videos are worth watching” because “they are from the scene where Jamie’s brakes get cut”. Obviously these folks do not “get it”— or simply do not care. I’m guessing a little bit of both.

Although this will undoubtedly be an exercise in futility I will say it again: filming a car chase at 10:00 p.m. on a Friday night along a busy thoroughfare (and in so doing obstructing vehicular traffic— including bus service) poses (posed) a serious quality of life issue for the people who reside in and around where this film shoot came to pass. Not only was there traffic congestion and noise from the film shoot itself to consider but also citizens essentially being held captive in their own community. E.g.; being forced to wait at the behest of “minders”— in weather that I will add was quite cold— while this car chase was filmed. Stuff such as this does not ingratiate one’s organization to the community. In fact, a great number of my neighbors have grown quite tired of the issues film shoots have posed in our community. If Bloodbloods actually gave something back in exchange for the inconveniences posed by this shoot perhaps we would feel differently. But this is not the case. The fact they find some sense of pride in the video footage a I have posted (and in so doing write about a character from said show like he is an actual person) bears testament to their sense of entitlement, narcissism and complete and total disconnect with the community(ies?) in which they film.

In this respect I have to applaud Jeff Brown of MTV’s “I Just Want My Pants Back”: he took the time to not only scout locations in Greenpoint thoroughly but also met with members of the community in the interest mitigating the impact his film shoots would have on the community. Thus far this partnership (yes, he has elected to work with my community instead of treating them with indifference or utter contempt) has in fact been successful! I am hopeful that perhaps Bluebloods will follow suit— but I am not holding my breath.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: McGuinness Boulevard

March 13, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

This is a quick reminder that Ghostbike’s 6th Pedestrian Memorial Walk kicks off today right here in beautiful Greenpoint at 1:00 p.m. on the steps of St. Anthony’s Church. You can view the entire schedule by clicking here.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool, Part I: Reflection

City and industrial reflection

This, a view yours truly never gets tired of savoring, comes courtesy of Rowan5.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool, Part II: Oops

January 27, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Oops

The above vision hails from McGuinness Boulevard and comes courtesy of the camera of Kitchen Prof. Otherwise, if I had to hazard a guess as to whom the “winner” was in this situation I’d say it was the B62. By a nose.

Miss Heather

P.S.: In all seriousness folks, this just shows— once again— that the police really need to crack down on speeding along this stretch.

New York Shitty Photo Du Jour: Patience

January 26, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

From McGuinness Boulevard.

Miss Heather

Spotted On McGuinness Boulevard: Imperialism

January 25, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11222, Abjectecture, Asshole, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Given the spate of rather nasty weather lately yours truly has been spending a great deal of time indoors. Today when the temperature reached a downright balmy 38 degrees I decided to take a little stroll down McGuinness Boulevard. I had a very pleasurable excursion until I reached the intersection of Java Street. This is where I found myself standing in slack-jawed amazement at the following.

Why do the people responsible for this crap think mimicking the Death Star somehow denotes “class”?

I mumbled to myself. Then I proceeded to cross the street so as to take a closer look. That’s when I learned that the above edifice may very well have the same expansionist designs, “Manifest Destiny” if you will, as espoused by Darth Vader, et. al.

Why can I not shake the image of a python unhinging its jaws and slurping down a rather large and unhappy mammal— or perhaps a spider injecting some digestive substance into its victim and waiting for it to rot from within— when I behold the above grotesque? Needless to say I will be watching with rapt interest to see how the guys at 285-303 McGuinness Boulevard (which has racked up a rather impressive number of complaints and a Partial Stop Work Order) will work around this little problem. My prognostication is as follows: if they fuck with their diminutive neighbor’s satellite television it will be war. Provided of course it hasn’t escalated to that level already.

In any case (and to close), I suspect no one will be surprised to know this edifice (which I have christened “The Anacondo”) springs forth from the G-E-N-I-U-S, north Brooklyn’s good friend and Greenpoint’s gift that keeps on giving … (drumroll, please)

Bobby Scarano, stand up please!

Miss Heather

P.S.: Anyone care to place bets as to when Fox News/Murdoch’s Tuskin Raiders send a television crew out to document this atrocity? They point and click in single file (to my web site) to hide their numbers!

New York Shitty Photo Du Jour: McGuinness Boulevard

A few thoughts/observations about this missive (which I spied this afternoon while walking down the Champs-Élysées of north Brooklyn) and the person who created it:

  1. This chap is obviously very unhappy at the prospect of having a 200 bed homeless intake center for single men near his home.
  2. How do I know this, you ask? Well, in addition to the above missive I have met him at one of the Town Hall meetings regarding the aforementioned shelter.
  3. During our conversation I also learned he was responsible for this, which is just plain awesome.
  4. This gentleman is 75 maybe 80 years old if a day. In addition, I came away from the previously-mentioned conversation with the distinct impression his politics lean most decidedly to the right. Thus I am rather surprised— and in a very good way, I’ll add— that he knows what Village Voice is, much less be bothered to take a copy home to read or annotate.

I suppose it just goes to show that the Garden Spot— and the people contained therein— still have a few surprises up their respective sleeves! God bless you, Greenpoint Greenpernt!

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Exclusive: Musings of a Tree Twatifier

Ever wondered about the person who has seen fit to “vaginalize” a number of the trees in Greenburg (including the above specimen)? I know I have. I’ve been documenting these for some time. Needless to say you, dear readers, can imagine my delight when I was put in contact with the person behind the pinkification! I sent him— yes, it’s a guy— a list of questions. Follows are “Dutch Masterson’s” answers!

Miss Heather: Although I probably have some intuitive understanding as why you twatify trees (I put rubber tits on stuff) I suspect the question on most of my readers’ minds is why?

Dutch Masterson:

ultimately, i suppose i “twatify” tree knots because i’m an asshole. who am i to remind us where we come from? in the same way an obsessed mathematician may be surrounded by pi, i feel that i’m haunted by the twat..pussy is everywhere.. the conch at the beach, the papaya at the fruit stand, the flowers in the park.. everybody knows this. but in the same way one may pass the bum on the corner each day without realizing his penchant for poetry, we constantly dismiss nature’s reminder that we are born from the same sputum and with that spewed from the same hole.. i’m not going to lie,  i may be a naughty trickster and a pervert, but at the same time i’m hoping that my tree twats may snatch someone’s attention while walking the dog or getting drunk in the park. encouraging them to stop and smell the roses and reflect that the tree, the dog, the bum on the corner, we’re all in this shit together harmoniously or not.. and maybe, just maybe such a reflection will shepherd someone into appreciating the song of the bum or better yet into calling their mother..

MH: (somewhat related to #1) When did you have your “eureka” moment, e.g.; said to yourself “I am going to provocatively paint tree knots”?

DM:

i believe my “eureka” moment came to me when i happened upon  the perfect tree twat juxtaposed before a nike “just do it” advertisement while eating strawberry yogurt. just kidding.. i had been pondering the mischievous plot for some time and like many of my projects, i just let it sit there simmering on the back burner, bubbling with delay..it wasn’t until i joked about it to my special lady over drinks that i started to get things cooking. i’m pretty sure it was her calling me a pussy (if i didn’t “just do it”) that prompted me. so in effect, my girlfriend was the nike poster and irish whiskey the strawberry yogurt. initially we planned on painting the pussies together. pretty in pink punks in love. she actually did the first one, an adorable little cherry begging to be popped on metropolitan ave; right outside the art store where we picked up the  pigment.

MH: I have seen your work at McCarren Park, Bedford Avenue and McGuinness Boulevard. Each of these tree twats has its own distinctive personality. The one at McCarren Park is sweet and petite, as is the one on Bedford. The one on McGuinness Boulevard, however, is at least three feet tall and slightly menacing. What is your criteria? What does it take for a tree to be worthy of twatification? What do you think of the attached example? Would it pass muster? Please elaborate.

DM:

i appreciate all pussies. even the ugliest twat is a beautiful thing. when it comes to arboreal vaginas, it’s about quality not quantity. it has to speak to me in some way. it has to beg for it.  i’m not gonna just slap some paint on any old twat just like i’m not going to fuck or make love to any girl just because she has a vagina. you have to be selective in life and choose wisely. i guess the paramount criteria for me risking making friends over cheese sandwiches in the clink are as follows:

  • location, location, location – the whole reason i’m doing this is to generate thought and conjure up conversation. that doesn’t work very well if nobody sees my handiwork. so major avenues and high volume pedestrian pathways are key to stealing one’s attention. on that note, i will admit that i do exercise some moral code in that i have avoided the pussies outside grade schools and churches. that probably originates from latent guilt instilled from a catholic upbringing and i hate that.
  • like i said, to be worthy of ‘twatification’, the pussy simply has to speak to me. there’s got to be something unique about it’s personality that compels me. for obvious reasons, the knot hole should definitely resemble a twat or sometimes butt hole. i am predisposed to calling attention to the sweet petites, but that’s not going to stop me from giving some praise to the ghastly axe wound because it does take all kinds of pussies to make the world go round.

MH: What can we look forward to— tree twatwise— in the future?

DM:

my tree twat project is at a current standstill 🙁   i’m a distracted mess busied with the burdens of being a jerk of all trades. there’s all kinds of secret projects going on and i’m at a point in my life where i need to prioritize. although dizzy within the swirling figure 8 of my master plans, i’m sure they’ll come around again to incite a chuckle or piss off a poor soul. and most likely sometime around the conclusion of a probationary period i somehow gotten myself into as a result of unrelated mischief making. there are indeed plenty of pussies out there pleading to be pinked. and i’m sure i’ll soon catch myself smirking with a coffee cup of paint thinking of this very conversation. i can’t help but to recall overhearing a street urchin’s rant on avenue A one night where he was chanting his take on the Exorcist script: “the power of pussy compels me” and  i have to laugh when i think that it is without question the power of pussy that compels me.

So there have you.

Miss Heather

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