Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Urban Fur: Going Out Of Business
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Stuff The Makes Heather Sad, Urban Fur
Bartek presides over the final day of his place of emplnjoyment: Just For Fun. For those of you who are not in the know this establishment (which has graced the Garden Spot for over a decade) has been a personal favorite of yours truly over the years. Whenever I needed, say, several pairs of fake giant rubber breasts or the odd inflatable companion they delivered— with a smile and the occasional bark. I was so impressed I authored my first Yelp review as a result. Read it. (It is a much more awesome testament to this establishment than this post).
So long Barbara and Bartek. May you enjoy your retirement in sunny Florida. You will be missed.
From The New York Shitty Inbox: The Neighborhood is a Changin’
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Stuff That Makes Miss Heather Happy, Urban Artifact
Lest I have not said so before, I will do so now: I sincerely enjoy receiving contributions from you, my readers. This is especially true today’s item (as seen at left). This hails from Newel Street and I had the pleasure of contemplating it over my first cup of morning coffee. Its founder, a person we’ll call “D”, writes:
Just a couple of shots I thought you’d enjoy. One is of my new rescue (excised) hoarding toys. And the other is of my neighbors recycling…
I take this as a clear sign of gentrification (among other things). If there’s one thing I have learned over the years it is this: perversity has a price. And the cost of this item (for those of you who are wondering and/or are so inclined) appears to be around $60.00. Not exactly cheap, but definitely not top-of-the line either.
It should be noted I found this item on sale online for a much more affordable $32.21— but why not keep your hard-earned dollars in the ‘hood and hit Just For Fun instead? Buy local, folks!
Just For Fun
982 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
UPDATE, 4:15 p.m.: on a lark (and with the help of an interpreter: the wonderful woman who operates this business is more proficient in Polish than English) I decided to see what Just For Fun has in the way of prosthetics of the pervy persuasion Currently they have this non-motorized (but substantial) model in a pleasing shade of purple. This item will set you back $19.95 plus tax. NOTE: this and its fetishy friends are secreted well out of view because, as Barbara, the lovely proprietress of this establishment noted, they also sell children’s toys as well! Among other things…
God, I love Greenpoint…
New York Shitty Day Ender: Bartek…
…calls his place of work (and play) Just For Fun and he gets very unhappy when he is not the center of attention!
Miss Heather
P.S.: Those of you who are wondering about the provenance of this chap’s name can get the 411 by clicking here.
New York Shitty Photo Du Jour: Just For Fun
If there is one thing working at the junk shop— and interfacing with one customer in particular*— has taught yours truly it is this: when confronted about one’s, um, proclivities don’t be apologetic. Be loud and proud! Which brings me to the above array of items. They can be found in the window of our local novelty store: Just For Fun. After I took the above photograph I heard a familiar voice.
Hello.
He said. I turned to my right and sure enough, I knew this person. He is rather active in our community. I have bantered with him on occasion. Without missing a beat I looked him in the eye; pointed at the candy jock strap and said:
Valentine’s Day is coming.
His reply was as follows:
I’m on the Public Safety Committee. I cannot comment.
Me: As it would happen I am heading to your establishment to buy some juice!
He seemed both pleased and puzzled by this by this proclamation— but proceeded to enter Just For Fun nonetheless. For what reason(s) is anyone’s guess. God help me but I think I actually made the man blush.
UPDATE, 5:40 p.m.: I have finally heard back from the Mister about this!
I think I made him feel dirty.
I said.
To wit the Mister replied:
Now he knows how I feel every day.
Then I reminded the Mister he is one lucky man— and to buy beer on the way home from work.
Miss Heather
P.S.: On a somewhat related note (and after giving Norman Oder’s tome in today’s Times some consideration) I think I have an idea as to how our local community board can raise a little money. I propose they create and sell a “Men & Women of Community Board 1” calendar. Is anyone with me on this?
*about whom I will write about in the second and final installment of “Stupid Customer Tricks“. I do intend to conclude this tome. I have simply been sidetracked by a fit of downright divine artistic inspiration. More about the latter later. Here it is!
Quicklink: We’re #5!
This item was brought to my attention by my buddy Kevin Walsh of Forgotten- NY. He writes:
“Brooklyn’s Boerum Hill and Greenpoint take the 4th and 5th spots on the list.”
Nathan Silver has likely never heard of Little Neck, Maspeth, Ridgewood or Tottenville. He seems to equate bars and nightlife as most desirable elements.
Article not yet online.
As you can see, Kevin is not a man of many words. No worries, I have plenty:
A. I want to read this article.
B. Among the criteria used to determine what constitutes a “good” neighborhood are:
- cost of living
- access to bars
- safety
New York Shitty analysis:
Regarding Point #1: I would imagine one of the factors for “cost of living” is rental prices. Exactly what does Mr. Silver consider affordable? I ask because:
A. The rents in our fair burgh are (still) ridiculous high.
B. Though promised, we have yet to get so much as one unit of affordable housing.
Regarding Point #2: Bars are not a sure-fire indicator of an elevated quality of life. Quite to the contrary, can have a very negative impact on the community.
Regarding Point #3: I’m guessing the 94th Precinct’s crime statistics/COMPSTAT were used to calculate safety. Anyone who was lived in Greenpoint can and will attest that these numbers are deceptive because:
A. Many crimes are not reported
B. Many of the crimes reported are downgraded in severity, e.g.; grand larceny is becomes “lost property”.
The previous is not to suggest that Greenpoint isn’t a nifty place to live. It is. All the essentials, e.g.; grocery stores, laundromats, house ware stores, etc., are here. We also have the Shit Tits. This is a BIG plus in my book. But arguably Greenpoint’s greatest asset is its people: there is a sense of community here that is downright endearing. In essence, what The Garden Spot of the Universe has going for it is not the stuff of statistics. It is found by pounding the pavement.
On that note, Mr. Silver’s findings has yet to be published can be found here. But I would like to take a moment to point out something he failed to factor in his analysis.*
Meet Jessica.
Not only is she purported to be “hotter than 98 degrees” (among other things) but she can be yours at our very own Just For Fun!**
After I shot the above photograph a gent exiting this establishment said:
She’s all yours.
I sort of think Jessica belongs to everybody, if you know what I mean.
I replied.
Man: Not me.
Me: You’re a smart man.
Take that Park Slope!
Miss Heather
*Though he gets points for rating Greenpoint 38 of 50 for park space. Anyone who has seen the sorry excuse for a “park” that graces the end of Greenpoint Avenue will attest this lowly stature is well-deserved. I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention that the excellence of Greenpoint’s Public Schools is well known. At least in Williamsburg. This is why they put up fliers offering money for the use of a Greenpoint address.
**I failed to get the price for Jessica’s company. My bad. Then again, if you are in the market for such an item (and you know who you are) price isn’t really an issue now is it?
Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Moon Over Manhattan Avenue
You can always leave it to the folks at Just for Fun to kick off the holiday season with style!
Miss Heather
Last Minute Gift-Giving Ideas From The Garden Spot
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
What do you give the person who has everything? Well, a blood test immediately comes to mind to yours truly but here are a few other suggestions.
Just for Fun has lotto tickets, Polish and American flags, fake butts, elephants, American currency toilet paper and a “Sassy Girl” who drops her top and sings a saucy tune. What’s more they’re open on Sundays from noon to 5:00 p.m. and as far as I know is the only place in our fair burgh that sells butt plugs. Stick that in your chimney and smoke it!
Just For Fun
982 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
When I encountered this delightful item at the Thing I couldn’t help but feature it. First I played a round of “Tower to Tokyo” with it. Then I proceeded to use it like c.b.:
Busted Rubber this is Bearded Clam talking. There’s a whole bunch of Tampax ahead. Do you read me? That’s a big 10-4!
If sculptures of hairless hoo-hoos are not your taste the Thing also has this one.
I’m not too sure what the point of this object of art is but if you want to shake up your office Christmas party (if your office has one and you have a job) this is undoubtedly to item bring. Sure, it’ll set you back $70.00 but just imagine the look on the H.R. person’s face! Human Resource professionals are (in my experience) the most worthless waste of human flesh this side of the post-Perestroika world. If they’re going to fire you, the least you can do is make the amount of paperwork they have to file copious and interesting. Professional bureaucrats hate that sort of thing.
And this ought to do it.
Vagina Sculptures ($50.00-$70.00 each)
The Thing
1001 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Miss Heather
NYS Flickr Pool
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