Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
‘Tis The Season: Of Holiday Cheer & The Greenpoint Hotel*
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
From Manhattan Avenue.
Miss Heather
*Where last Friday night I spied a fresh-faced young woman brandishing a notepad interviewing a few of the residents in the vestibule.
Reader Submission Du Jour: Calvary Cemetery 20 Years Ago
This image was generous provided by New York Shitty reader (and former Pastor of the Greenpoint Reformed Church), Bodmin. He writes:
I developed the film on Thursday, 15 December; it was probably shot either that afternoon, or on the 12th or 13th. The image is absolutely straight; I never manipulate, except in traditional terms like choosing when to shoot. I’d cased the location after seeing it used in Midnight Cowboy and Shaft (Shaft II, I think); when I saw the sky that afternoon I knew it was now or never for this shot, hopped in my car and drove over the Greenpoint Bridge and got it, somewhere between 4 and 4:30, as the sun set through the magenta murk. It became part of my Cemetery Series, which was put together as a personal memorial to a friend and fellow Greenpoint photographer, Bill Vetel, in that first wave of artists in the 1970s, who had rebuilt an old flophouse down on the block of Greenpoint Avenue between West and the pier/radio mast, and who had died of a heart attack at age 43 earlier in 1983. It kind of shook me; I was the last person to have seen him alive, and he was the first person more or less my own age to go.
Firstly, I would like to thank Bodmin for sharing this lovely image with us. It should also be noted that Bill Vetell’s widow, Barbara, is alive, well and very active in matters of Greenpoint interest. Including Friends of Transmitter Park!
Miss Heather
Urban Artifacts Du Jour: Greenpoint Vs. The Southside
Anyone who lives in North Brooklyn will tell you its streets are a treasure trove of interesting stuff. Just take this splendid example from Huron Street.
No, I am not talking about the discarded copy of Harlan Coben’s Gone For Good my intrepid Greenpointers. It is of the wooden box I write!
I didn’t know our fair city did curbside recycling for ordnance. Before you grab your respective telephones and get your Department of Homeland Security on dear readers be advised that there were no explosive projectiles in this container: only a few scraps from a metal frame.
Alas, there will be no revolution in the Garden Spot. Or it has already begun. In which case I suppose there really isn’t much we can do about it except wait for Big Bertha to be rolled out by the Greenpoint People’s Liberation Army (or some similarly guerilla-ish sounding movement).
Greenpoint never ceases to amaze me with its little surprises. After finding the above item I (foolishly) thought to myself:
It’s not going to get any more interesting than this.
Then I sojourned down to South 3rd Street and was proven wrong. Very wrong.
Even though this smiling little fella was unceremoniously crammed into a bucket of grout I knew what laid before me.
Behold the Southside inflatable schlong! In keeping with my mission to save the world’s (or at least Brooklyn’s) stray adult novelty population* I promptly snatched this little critter up and (being all too aware of the possible risk of bringing some unwanted friends home) I (as I have done with all penises I have brought home before) subjected him to a rigorous inspection. He passed with flying colors and we headed home.
A rather elderly Orthodox gentleman didn’t seem to be very pleased when I hopped on board with my new, 24″ (deflated— but circumsized!) friend. But that’s what I love about America; he can worship in the manner his conscious suits him without fear of persecution and I can ride the B61 with an inflatable penis.
I’m not too sure what I am going to do with my new penis other than give him a thorough soaking in a solution of 3 parts water and one part Clorox. After which I will probably introduce him to the “the girls“. Slowly. I suspect they’ll get along smashingly.
Miss Heather
*I was recently given a new batch of abandoned marital aids in need of rehabiliation and some TLC. Stay tuned!
Goodbye Two Flags, Hello River Ballel
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Well the fence has been taken down at 160 Franklin Street (also known as 87 Kent Street, formerly known as the “Doof Center”).
What is “River Ballel” going to be, you ask? My greenhorn Greenpointer, the answer should be obvious: another bar eating and drinking establishment.
River Ballel (Barrel?)
160 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 389-8881
Opening Date: T.B.A.
For those of you who are keeping track this brings the total number of bars on Franklin Street back up seven. The Lost & Found Bar closed recently.
Miss Heather
‘Tis The Season: The Noble Street Reingoose
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Last year this fella only sported a pair of antlers. I have to say the addition of the golden tinsel is an inspired touch. But how could I honestly expect anything less from a person whose Halloween decorations included dismembered dolls and Teletubbies?
Miss Heather
Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Juxtaposition
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
From Manhattan Avenue.
Miss Heather
Last Minute Gift-Giving Ideas From The Garden Spot
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
What do you give the person who has everything? Well, a blood test immediately comes to mind to yours truly but here are a few other suggestions.
Just for Fun has lotto tickets, Polish and American flags, fake butts, elephants, American currency toilet paper and a “Sassy Girl” who drops her top and sings a saucy tune. What’s more they’re open on Sundays from noon to 5:00 p.m. and as far as I know is the only place in our fair burgh that sells butt plugs. Stick that in your chimney and smoke it!
Just For Fun
982 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
When I encountered this delightful item at the Thing I couldn’t help but feature it. First I played a round of “Tower to Tokyo” with it. Then I proceeded to use it like c.b.:
Busted Rubber this is Bearded Clam talking. There’s a whole bunch of Tampax ahead. Do you read me? That’s a big 10-4!
If sculptures of hairless hoo-hoos are not your taste the Thing also has this one.
I’m not too sure what the point of this object of art is but if you want to shake up your office Christmas party (if your office has one and you have a job) this is undoubtedly to item bring. Sure, it’ll set you back $70.00 but just imagine the look on the H.R. person’s face! Human Resource professionals are (in my experience) the most worthless waste of human flesh this side of the post-Perestroika world. If they’re going to fire you, the least you can do is make the amount of paperwork they have to file copious and interesting. Professional bureaucrats hate that sort of thing.
And this ought to do it.
Vagina Sculptures ($50.00-$70.00 each)
The Thing
1001 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Miss Heather
‘Tis The Season: Fire Escape Santa
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
From Clay Street.
Miss Heather
Mind Your Pooches This Holiday Season
It has been brought to my attention that an alert has been posted at the McCarren Park dog run admonishing dog owners to keep a careful eye on their pets. As many of you, dear readers, are already well aware poaching pets for handsome reward money has unfortunately become a cottage industry in our fair city— and with the economy in the shitter I have little doubt we will be seeing more of this kind of thing for the foreseeable future. Per this article from the Greenpoint Gazette (which I strongly recommend each and every one of you read) no such incidents have occurred in Greenpoint to date. But nonetheless I would advise all dog owners to be exercise extra caution this holiday season.
Miss Heather
The Viridian Gets Christened
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
In light of the recent spate of vandalism on this block (just a week ago one of my neighbors, a 50-something retired couple, had their car keyed rather viciously) I cannot honestly say this surprises me. As a matter of fact I am amazed it took someone this long to “modify” this edifice. While this act does little to beautify Green Street (which is looking damned rough of late) I do have to hand it to “acre” for having the chutzpah to leave his mark by the front door.
Miss Heather
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