Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
A New York Shitty Public Service Announcement
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
(and a long overdue one at that!)
It has been almost a year since I posted the above photograph of this park slated to grace the northernmost tip of Manhattan Avenue. It looked almost finished April 29, 2008. A press conference was conducted there last July. A friend of mine saw two officers from very own 94th Precinct citation a chap for catching crabs at this location shortly thereafter. Ones of the eating— non-venereal— variety, mind you.
“Almost finished” this park has remained for almost two years now. Unlike the little train that could, this humble patch of land hasn’t. This is probably in large part due to the fact that the guard rails designated for this park were stolen and sold for scrap by some of our more enterprising, if criminally inclined, fellow citizens.
Today, April 12, 2009 I have some very good news:
Our new guard rails have arrived…
and they do not appear to be going anywhere anytime soon! (Note the “footprints” of the old ones)
Anyone care to guess when this park will at long last be open to the public?
If anyone reading this post knows the answer please speak up via comments or email me at:
missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com
In the time it has taken to build this park thus far:
- Children have been born, learned to walk and have been potty-trained.
- I have seen, at long last, rents in Greenpoint start to drop. Hopefully to find their way to fair market value. $2,900 for a two bedroom apartment in this neighborhood is ridiculous. (Yes I’m talking about you, Viridian.)
- An African American gentleman has been both elected and assumed the office of the President of the United States.
Now that I think about it the Declaration of Independence, Articles of Confederation and United States Constitution were each respectively knocked out in less time than this park. Now throw in a (not so) minor colonial conflict commonly known as the American Revolution and you’ll get a notion of where I’m headed with this.
Were our founding fathers made of better stuff than us? I doubt it. What’s more, we are not operating under duress or the threat of British occupation. There is no legitimate reason I can think of as to why completing one tiny park in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, U.S.A. is taking so damned long.
Thoughts anyone?
Miss Heather
Happy Easter From New York Shitty!
Mister Heather took this great photograph of a not-so-rascally rabbit getting a little play time in McCarren Park recently. Follows is a slide show I compiled of some shots I took in the greater 11222 area to celebrate this Easter Sunday. Enjoy!
Get off the computer already and enjoy the sunshine!
Miss Heather
New York Shitty Day Ender: Street Seat
You can always leave it to 106 Green Street (which is located immediately next door to the Viridian) to keep things real in the Garden Spot. In the case of the above photograph we have a stand pipe which reads:
Asshole Pick up your Dog Shit
an assortment of detritus and a toilet seat that is a lot worse for wear.
Have a nice day!
Miss Heather
Greenpoint Video Du Jour: Dark Side Of The Moon
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
True to form things were pretty quiet yesterday, Good Friday, here at the 11222. The college students (who I presume to be on “break”) have all gone out of town. If Greenpoint had tumbleweeds they would indeed be blowing across our streets.
The only activity of note has been at the sausage shops. Their clientele (in search of a quality kielbasa to celebrate the resurrection of our lord) formed queues which overflowed onto the sidewalks. But this is nothing unusual. In fact, I’d be more worried if I did not see a large number of sausage enthusiasts peppering our fine burgh’s sidewalks this holiday weekend. Although I am a vegetarian I find their presence strangely comforting: they are proof-positive that the unique character of my neighborhood has not been eradicated. Yet.
Good Friday in Greenpoint means different things to different people. A trip back home to be with loved ones for some, a wait at the sausage shop for others. For me it’s just business as usual. To someone else it meant parking his (or her) car in front of Papasitos, putting their theft deterrent gear in place (in this case, “The Club”), popping open the trunk, rolling down the windows and cranking Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon” for everyone’s edification. What’s more interesting is no one seemed to mind…
except for my buddy Larry da Junkman. He told me in an exasperated tone that this had been going on (and off) for several hours. I’m guessing he’s not a big Pink Floyd fan. I myself would have preferred “The Wall”.
Hello, hello, hello. Is there anybody in there?
Miss Heather
Sidney Lumet Watch: Lifetime Achievement Follow-up
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Some of you might remember that last month my good friend Rebecca11222 found a Lifetime Achievement Award (as seen at left) issued to none other than Sidney “Serpico” Lumet from the Savannah College of Art & Design in a patch of Greenpoint shrubbery. If you haven’t you can read about it here, here and here. Well, Mr. Lumet hasn’t stepped forward to claim it yet (and as a result this item currently calls a skeleton wearing a lei as a neighbor) but this most unusual turn of events has not gone unnoticed by a reporter for SCAD’s student newspaper, District. Tandy Versyp writes:
…Rebecca Poole, a stage actor and teacher of the Alexander Technique, was walking her dog, a shih tzu named Fred Sanford in the Brooklyn neighborhood of Greenpoint when she noticed the award hidden in a row of bushes next to the sidewalk.
Just rescued my dog from a junkyard that’s where he got his name, Poole laughed. So I watch everything he does when I take him out. He was sniffing something at this three-point intersection and was about to pee on it, when I saw it. My first thought was, “What the hell?”…
What the hell, indeed. To read the rest of this article click here. Do give it a read. It is tremendously entertaining.
Miss Heather
Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: It’s BAAAACK!
April 11, 2009
Metropolitan Transit Authority
Attn: H. Dale Hemmerdinger, Chairman
347 Madison Avenue
New York, NY 10017-3739
Re: advertisement on Queens-bound platform at Greenpoint Avenue
Dear Mr. Hemmerdinger,
What did my community ever do to you to deserve this? I mean, I can handle the odd pervert whipping out his penis— but hammertoes too? Have a heart, Dale. Please.
Sincerely,
Miss Heather
Proprietress of New York Shitty, Greenpoint citizen & patron of the Crosstown Local
New York Shitty Day Ender: Adoption Event & Benefit
Tomorrow, April 11, the folks at Empty Cages Collective have not one but two events lined up. Firstly, they will having an adoption event from noon until 5:00 p.m. at NYC Pet Supplies:
241 Bedford Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11211
Later that evening there will be a benefit at the Rockstar Bar featuring Nathan Carpenter, Morgan O’Cane, Sturgeon, Zhenia Golov, Hipster Holocaust, and DJ Marvelous Hagler with proceeds going to Empty Cages Collective. Doors open at 9:00 p.m. and admission will be determined on a “sliding scale” (think anywhere between $5.00 – $10.00— either way that’s pretty cheap!).
Empty Cages Collective Benefit
April 11, 2009 starting at 9:00 p.m.
Rockstar Bar
351 Kent Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11211
For more details about either of these events head over to Empty Cage’s web site.
Miss Heather
Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Collect All 10!
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
From Manhattan Avenue.
Miss Heather
Greenpoint Fashion Watch: Urban Jungle
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
My neighborhood is known for a number of things. Being the vanguard of fashion is not one of them. This is a shame as I have noticed that although a number of things in my neighborhood have changed, there “look” here has not. As crazy as it may sound the tools of the fashion trade for the ladies in the Garden Spot are not too different than what is to be found in Texas. Black leather mini skirts, stiletto heels, UV ray kissed skin, blue eyeshadow, prominently displayed (and often augmented) breasts and hair (preferably blond, but any day-glo shade of red will suffice in a pinch) coaxed into forms that would make Gaudi proud
are to my fair burgh what the little black dress and a pair of Manolos are to our friends across the East River.
It should be noted that although there is a general disdain amongst Greenpoint gals for the laws of nature there is one thing they all revere: they loves them some leopard print.
Tiger print.
Zebra print.
Dalmation print.
Fake fur.
You name it: if it once prowled the plains of the Serengeti I can assure you it graces the physique of many a lady here in Greenpoint. Enough so that on any given day the not-so-mean streets of my neighborhood look like an outtake from Mutual of Omaha’s Animal Kingdom. To prove my point I recently grabbed my camera and put on my Marlon Perkins thinking cap to capture some of these exotic birds of prey. Follows is slide show of what I found— along with a few oldies but goodies. Enjoy!
This one’s for you ladies of Greenpoint. I for one think you’re beautiful! NOw if you don;t mind I’m off to purchase a gallon of Clairoxide.
Miss Heather
From The New York Shitty Inbox
On April 9, 2009 at 5:37 p.m. Lisa wrote:
walking down franklin earlier and witnessed an old man – stopping traffic – to complain to the cops about “the most revolting thing he had ever seen. outside dandelion wine.” of course hearing this just made me turn back for my phone. either my camera phone isn’t that great, or i’m a lousy camera-phone-photographer, because this pic (as seen at left— ed. note) does not in any way do this massive mound justice. i encourage you to walk by yourself (it’s not right outside dandelion, closer to java.)
I had a little time on my hands so I decided to swing by. It was not at all difficult to find.
Here’s another shot that better establishes a sense of scale.
Methinks this bad boy gets five stars— or would that be bars?
Miss Heather
NYS Flickr Pool
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