Willamspoint Photos Du Jour: People In My Neighborhood
Bedford Avenue
Metropolitan Avenue
Grand Street
Franklin Street
Kent Avenue
Maspeth Avenue
Manhattan Avenue
Miss Heather
Dog Doo Sign Du Jour: Have Sharpie, Will Travel
Although this is not a sign per se, I have to confess that I like this person’s moxie. This missive a la Sharpie Marker hails from Franklin Street just north of Bushwick Inlet. A locality that anyone Greenpointer worth his (or her) salt will attest is a rather popular place for errant pet owners to leave their dog bombs. Well done, dog shit vigilante!
Miss Heather
Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Monday, Monday
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
From Bushwick Inlet.
Miss Heather
TONIGHT: Tomfoolery At t.b.d.
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Those of you who don’t get your fill of foolishness today (if so, you’re either not looking hard enough or in the wrong places) might be interested to know t.b.d. will be hosting an evening of stand-up comedy, hoaxes and “joaxes”. I am certain drink specials will be involved as well. Check it out!
April Fool’s Party
t.b.d.
224 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Miss Heather
Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: PROJECT MEGAPOLE
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Since yesterday, March 31, was on the heels of none other than April Fool’s Day I decided it would be fun to engage in a little tomfoolery. It took me a little while to figure out how I was going to go about this but after walking around Greenpoint a couple hours it finally came to me:
Geez, there are sure a lot of businesses whose names integrate “Poland” in some way, shape or form here.
I know what you’re thinking:
NO SHIT SHERLOCK, you live in ‘Little Poland”!
Yes, I know. But previous to yesterday afternoon I had never pondered how many business names here reflect the cultural vibrancy of my fair ‘nabe. I decided I simply must know once and for all how many of them there are. To this end I started documenting them. Here are my findings/observations thus far:
- There are a darned lot of them! In a casual 1 1/2 hour search I turned up 25 businesses on the west side of McGuinness Boulevard alone. I imagine once I expand my search to the area around McGolrick Park I will find many more.
- Most were pretty mundane and descriptive in nature, e.g.; Polish Meat Market, Poland Farm, Old Poland Bakery, and so forth. This is a shame, as some of the most stunning examples of marketing I have found here in the 11222 employ a suffix/prefix formula: Anna – Pol Travel, Dunne’s Polemost Liquors, POLSERVICE, POLMART and (my personal favorite) MEGAPOL Music. Granted, this is not the is not the stuff of Saatchi & Saatchi but they do have a certain je nais sais quoi. Besides, if it is good enough for The Garden Spot of The Universe it’s sure as hell good enough for me…
and YOU! On that note and without further ado here is a slide show featuring the findings of what I have christened “Project: MEGAPOLE”. When I have completed my mission you can look forward to a map, statistical breakdown and yes, maybe even a pie chart or two. Enjoy!
TO BE CONTINUED…
Miss Heather
Happy April Fool’s Day From New York Shitty!
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
I can think of no better way to kick off today’s selection of absurd New York Shitty goodness than this masterfully executed (and most assuredly illegal) seven point turn* from Huron onto Franklin Street Whoever you are, truck drivin’ man, thank you. Watching your herculean effort to round this corner gave the Department of Sanitation employee idling on Huron Street (in the correct direction) and I a much needed laugh.
Miss Heather
*This is an estimate. I lost count after six.
Spring Has Sprung In North Brooklyn!
Filed under: Abjectecture, Articles of Fedderization, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg
Yes folks, you can literally smell it in the air: springtime has finally come to north Brooklyn.
The winteriana has been packed away and replaced with more springtimey fare— such as this deliciously terrifying rabbit from India Street. And not unlike the mighty Monarch butterfly, a number of construction projects have emerged from their respective chrysalises to display their new found glory for all to enjoy.
This humdrum specimen hails from 916 Manhattan Avenue. As you can see it sports some seriously fierce asphalt siding. No more. After a couple of modification permits (and a little Greenpoint magic) it has been…
FEDDERIZED!
Of course what would any discourse about abjectecture be without a mention of my good friend Karl Fischer?
Holy 311 calls! It would appear the scaffolding has begun to come down at 200 Franklin Street…
and what a magnificent sight it is!
A number of images come to mind when people use words like “craftsmanship” “luxury” or “quality”. This is not one of them.
And last, but hardly least, what would a revue of north Brooklyn abjectecture be without a Belvedere? Good news kids: thanks to the wizards at Belvedere/Bridge Realty North 9 Street Williamsburg can now claim one of their very own!
Or should I make that XXVI?*
Congratulations northside Williamsburg you’ve just joined the club!
Too bad this sign doesn’t apply to architecture.
Miss Heather
*Not to let them have a monopoly on all the fun. Behold: Belvedere X of Eckford Street!
Nice balconies.
New York Shitty Day Ender: Urban Fur
Driggs Avenue
Bedford Avenue
North 9 Street
Franklin Street
West Street
Miss Heather
North Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Bodega Daze
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
The following photographs may not necessarily depict bodegas per se but they do represent the way north Greenpoint has changed, for better or worse.
R.I.P at Eagle and Franklin Street.
Renovated, empanadaed and in demand down the block.
This was my bodega of choice when I lived on Clay Street.
This is not a bodega. However, Acapulco Deli & Restaurant resides next to the S & A Deli and is one of the most underrated diners in the Garden Spot. What’s more, now they’re sporting a fancy new awning!
Greenpoint Furniture formerly (and possibly currently)Â known as “DONE DEAL$”.
I was never too big on this one (too much emphasis on meat) but the “presentation” is nice. Good place to buy soda, though.
Such is the life nowadays in north Greenpoint. Of all the people depicted in the above photograph who do you most identify with? More importantly, does it even matter?
We’re all in this together for better or worse, Greenpointers. Best to direct our angst or get a collective chuckle out of people who write stuff like this:
I have to say that all of the places in Brooklyn and Manhattan that I considered moving to, I did not consider Greenpoint at first. Then I saw the posting for the 305 McGuinness Lofts in early February. I am a huge sucker for apartment porn, as I call it, and the new condo-turned-rental developments are great for that. This was a Craigslist listing for a brand new triplex: 3 BRs, 2 BAs, brand new appliances, loft like ceilings, on-site parking and a gym. Shane and I quickly agreed: Yep, going to see that. Per the broker, Baris, these had just hit the market and so far they had curious locals coming to see the building.*
So we went on a cloudy Sunday. Getting off of the G train at the Greenpoint Ave stop and seeing the Starbucks warmed the cockles of my heart. We had a lot of time so we went to see the open house that was posted on Craigslist for 110 Green St. The road itself was desolate but on the right-hand side there was this huge building. It had no sign (later discovered it had been called the Viridian, and was very famous for having Magic Johnson as an investor, and even more famous for going bankrupt last month) and it was very clearly still under construction. We checked out the model apartment, which was extraordinarily tiny. They were, and still are, charging $2,900 for a 2 BR and $3,600 for a 3 BR, so I was curious to check them out. There were many potential tenants and only 1 sales rep. He took us to see the area where there supposedly will be a huge, olympic sized swimming pool (suuuuuure), and then this enormous atrium, which was supposed to have had a fountain, but then explained that the original plans had already been downgraded to now include a simple lounge area instead. At that point, we ran out of time, so we left unimpressed, thinking they needed a reality check. With those prices and 138 new units to rent, each with limited space, it seems to be a daunting task, indeed.
After that disappointment, we headed off to 305 McGuinness Lofts. McGuinness Blvd, for those who don’t know (and I didn’t) is a very noisy, busy road with traffic gunning to and from Brooklyn and Queens via the Pulaski bridge. The apartment building was under heavy construction (and still is), with wires dangling and walls unfinished. We were shown the triplexes and duplexes. The triplexes were cool: 1200+ sq feet in each, with 2 entrances, 2 bedrooms & 1 bathroom on the bottom floor, kitchen with huge windows and decent living/dining space on the 2nd floor and then the third floor mezzanine with another room that will (one day, in theory) have sliding glass doors overlooking the living/dining area, and another bathroom. W/D comes with every unit, as does central air, lovely new appliances and huge windows. I wasn’t crazy about the bedrooms, which were small, and the limited amount of closet space in each, but overall, it was a nice place for a relatively decent price.
But nice floors, beautiful appliances, kitchen, huge windows and only $3,000 with a free month thrown in. Add in on-site parking and the gym? Awesome! Duplexes with 2 bedrooms plus an area for an office space, had a nicer view but the 2nd floor/mezzanine had a ridiculously low ceiling, barely clearing Shane’s head, and they only had 1 bathroom. Additionally, the mezzanine/2nd bedroom shared a huge window with the master suite, and the two rooms were not completely shutoff from each other due to that window, so we figured, if we lived here, it’d be the triplex…
Yes, this was ostensibly written by a “real person”. While gloating over the “lovely new appliances” and “huge windows” our wannabe/soon-to-be neighbor didn’t notice the rather fragrant and enormous waste treatment plant one block away.
Real estate shill or simply clueless?
I’ll let you make the call. A triplex overlooking the Shit Tits, anyone?
Miss Heather
*This is true. We stare in dumbfounded amazement at this edifice wondering why some dumbass, a bankrolled one at that, would build such a turd on McGuinness Boulevard. Daily. It is a constant source of amusement.
P.S.: The 184 Eagle Street post is a HOOT:
When we were first heading over to Greenpoint to check out 305 McGuinness I also put in a call to check out the listing for a luxury 2 BR, 2 BA with mezzanine place (pics above), complete with on-site parking. Was told by the real estate agent that it was for 184 Eagle Street but that tenants were in the place so I couldn’t see it that day (Sunday). Weekdays weren’t good for me so I passed.
Then a few weeks back Brownstoner picked up on a story posted by New York Shitty about 184 Eagle St doing hostel duty on the side. Apparently a tipster found the Craigslist posting. So…while they wait for a real rental, they’re making money by renting out the place on a weekly basis where you can get either a bunk bed ($28 per night) or a private room ($78 per night). Um, ew?
Um, welcome to my reality lady. I have seen a number of my neighbors— renters all— “displaced” by development. It happens like this: a developer purchases 1,2,3 lots in a row— usually because the landholder cannot afford the real estate taxes— and the tenants are forced to vacate. And in the place of their former homes are erected testaments to gentrification such as 110 Green Street, 184 Eagle Street and 305 McGuinness. Their target demographic: people like you.
But the locations are deemed “too crude” by people like you (greed and easy credit makes developers do silly things) so they have to find more creative ways to meet their loan debt like skipping over the whole Certificate of Occupancy thing.
Or employing a dead condo (“nondo”) as an illegal hostel/hotel. Thus generating what is my opinion one of the most hilarious complaints I have ever seen on the Department of Buildings web site.
Who says gentrification/displacement can’t be funny?
Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Keep Walkin’
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
From Franklin Street.
Miss Heather
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