LAST GASP: The 94th Precinct On Yelp

I suppose this is common knowledge to some of you but it is news to me. The 94th Precinct has its very own Yelp page. And, well, it is something. Here’s the first review:

I got my first ticket in New York!!!

I.Am.Dangerous.

Wait- I wanna try that again.

I.Am.MOTHERFUCKIN’.Dangerous

My run in with New York’s finest (hee hee hee) went something like this:

Brooks Brother Sweater Wearing Ring Leader: “Lets check out the view of Manhattan from that waterfront”

Me: “Um OK”

Brooks Brother Sweater Wearing Ring Leader: “Lets go on the other side of the BARB WIRE TOPPED (sic) fence”

Me: “Umm Ok”

Brooks Brother Sweater Wearing Ring Leader: “Lets go sit on that PRECARIOUSLY BALANCED DISGUSTING LOOKING (sic) log”

Me: “No way.  I am far too cute to go any further and risk stepping on a hypodermic needle or falling into that skanky ‘waterfront’ or… SHIT its the Po-Po.  I’m gonna be pissed if I get a ticket or a fine.  Oh sure, you don’t have anything to worry about, but its hard out here for a sista’.

(Three cops roll up in a cruiser and get out)

Cop #1: “Are you aware that you are trespassing?” blah,blah,blah

Cop #2:  “Do you have identification?”

Me:  “Are you kidding me? Are you really gonna give us tickets?”

Cop #1:  “Thinkin’ about it”

Me:  “I guess I better cut back on the attitude then”

Cop #2:  (a smile and a nod)

IGOTATICKETFORTRESSPASSING!!!  But, the Police were efficient and very nice.  (And Cop #2 informed me that the ticket would probably be thrown out AND he apologized AND encouraged my picture taking of the absent “No Trespassing Zone” sign)

I want to bake those boys cookies.I got my first ticket in New York!!!

I.Am.Dangerous.

Wait- I wanna try that again.

I.Am.MOTHERFUCKIN’.Dangerous

My run in with New York’s finest (hee hee hee) went something like this:

Brooks Brother Sweater Wearing Ring Leader: “Lets check out the view of Manhattan from that waterfront”

Me: “Um OK”

Brooks Brother Sweater Wearing Ring Leader: “Lets go on the other side of the BARB WIRE TOPPED (sic) fence”

Me: “Umm Ok”

Brooks Brother Sweater Wearing Ring Leader: “Lets go sit on that PRECARIOUSLY BALANCED DISGUSTING LOOKING (sic) log”

Me: “No way.  I am far too cute to go any further and risk stepping on a hypodermic needle or falling into that skanky ‘waterfront’ or… SHIT its the Po-Po.  I’m gonna be pissed if I get a ticket or a fine.  Oh sure, you don’t have anything to worry about, but its hard out here for a sista’.

(Three cops roll up in a cruiser and get out)

Cop #1: “Are you aware that you are trespassing?” blah,blah,blah

Cop #2:  “Do you have identification?”

Me:  “Are you kidding me? Are you really gonna give us tickets?”

Cop #1:  “Thinkin’ about it”

Me:  “I guess I better cut back on the attitude then”

Cop #2:  (a smile and a nod)

IGOTATICKETFORTRESSPASSING!!!  But, the Police were efficient and very nice.  (And Cop #2 informed me that the ticket would probably be thrown out AND he apologized AND encouraged my picture taking of the absent “No Trespassing Zone” sign)

I want to bake those boys cookies.

Trust me: it gets even better from there. Be sure to read the second item where a disgruntled citizen calls Denis Leary a “Stupid Boston Jerk” because (among other things) he won’t come out of his trailer and sign autographs. I am not making this shit up. This is North Brooklyn at its very finest, folks. Reading is believing.

Miss Heather

P.S.: For the love of god Mr. Leary give Gary L. your autograph already! Shit, give him his own damned television show!