New York Shitty Day Ender: 14 Bayard Street

(Or: Rapunzel Special)

Rounding out today’s postage I leave you with this absurdity from 14 Bayard Street (the final addition— and thank god for that— to Karl Fischer Row). Me (to my friend Triborough):

It’s pretty impressive that this building isn’t even inhabited yet, but the balconies are already rusted.

Pre-rusted so you don’t have to!

He replied. To wit I pointed out the obvious:

I wonder what is up with that top balcony? Is this like in Albania where they used to simply leave the top unfinished with rebar sticking out so they can come back and add another floor later? We must look at the front of this building!

And so we did.

Let me guess: the owner of this building has a friend in the balcony business. It went something like this:

You want balconies? I’ll give you balconies! Meet me under the BQE at 3:00 a.m. I have a truckload of ’em!

To wit Triborough presciently replied:

Maybe it is like the spare tire for a car? If one breaks they have one ready to replace it?

Indeed. This is what happens when you “design” and build your King’s crap by the yard. The Balkan balconies of yesteryear can be yours in Williamsburg today, dear readers— for a price. I can hardly wait until this gem hits the market!

UPDATE, December 21, 2010: It would appear that Fox News wasted no time sending out a television crew to “get the scoop” on this most important news item. Read it and weep.

Miss Heather

P.S.: This building has a “Partial Stop Work Order” on it— but not for this non-balcony!

Point here, click and see for yourself!

Now At McCarren Park: Indecent Exposure

checkin it out and whippin it outI feel compelled to bring this item (which was taken November 22nd by Miss Mousey Brown) to my fellow Greenburgers’s attention. She writes:

This young man is not a public urinator. He is an exhibitionist or public self- pleasurer. This was a little before school let out. This person fondled his genitals on top of his jeans for a minute while surveying the landscape of joggers, soccer players , and me. He pulled out his penis for about one minute, displayed it to all of the north-face of Bayard street and then he decided to put “it” away.

Can you imagine what it will be like when the McCarren Park Pool reopens? He’ll feel like a kid in a candy store! In all seriousness, please be on the lookout for this chap— and if you spot him “at work” call 911  STAT! This is gross.

Miss Heather

P.S.: For those of you who are wondering (you know who you are) and identification purposes this chap is purported to be rather well endowed.

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Pumpkins

From Bayard Street.

Miss Heather

Greenburg Photos Du Jour: Manhattan Avenue

Well here’s something you don’t see every day.

Hmm…

I like it!

Miss Heather

Notes From The 94th Precinct Community Council Meeting

Yours truly didn’t feel like going— but she went anyway. I’m glad I did! For starters (and by Greenpoint standards, anyway) the meeting was pretty mellow. This is a good thing since I was not really in the mood for some of the angrier and uglier rhetoric that can (and does) come to pass at these meetings. This is not to suggest there wasn’t anger: there most assuredly was. The difference was the people (ladies all) who aired their ire were (as a friend noted) so darned nice about it! Bicyclists, illegal sidewalk vendors, impertinent youths and liquor licenses all get the treatment at the hands (or would that be mouths) of these ladies. One such lass made an observation so piquant that she has henceforth earned my undying admiration. But I am getting ahead of myself. Without further ado here is footage from last night’s meeting— along with synopses and a bit of analysis from yours truly. Enjoy!

Part I: D. I. Fulton gives opening statements/props and a general rundown of crime trends.

The Rundown:

  • Grand larceny auto and burglaries are up, everything else is down.
  • Vehicle accidents are down 4.1%
  • D. I. Fulton explains that since the crime stats for the 94th are so low that one or two burglaries can skew the crime statistics upward.
  • A spate of robberies via a man riding a bicycle centering (roughly) around “Woodpoint Road and Conselyea Street”. This individual has since been apprehended and identified in a line-up by two victims. NOTE: this chap’s activities came to pass between (once again: roughly) 1:00 and 2:00 a.m. in the morning and his victims were women in their 20’s.
  • D. I. Fulton talks about burglaries.

Part II: D. I. Fulton speaks about car break-ins and the public speaks!

  • Arrests are up 24.7%
  • A case of Greenpoint roof theft
  • D. I. Fulton advises runners patronizing McCarren Park to mind their personal property.
  • One citizen applauds the 94th for apprehending a man who exposed himself to her and her daughter— and physically threatened them at North 7 Street and Bedford Avenue.
  • Same said citizen complains about illegal street vendors.

Part III: The Public Speaks, continued

  • Illegal vendors, continued
  • A general discourse on unruly behavior in general on Bedford Avenue and Williamsburg in general.
  • A Greenpoint resident queries D. I. Fulton about vehicle theft: there were 13 over the summer and 109 total.

Parts IV & V: The Public Speaks, continued

The aforementioned Greenpoint resident complains about Five Leaves’s use of the sidewalk (allegedly after permitted hours for a “sidewalk cafe”) and follows is a general discussion:

  • A burglary on Bedford Avenue
  • A lady from the Lions Club gives the 94th props

  • Bicyclists
  • Street closures and parties, e.g.; do they require permits?
  • Other things including— but not limited to— one of the most awesome observations (or dare I hope: promises) I have ever heard at a 94th Precinct Community Council Meeting. Go to 2:31 and hear it for yourself!
  • There are 97 liquor licenses pending (including a renewal for the Production Lounge*). D.I. Fulton explains this as “growing pains”.
  • Parties
  • Complaints about 311 dropping calls

Closing observations/thoughts:

  1. Once again and all things considered: this meeting was pretty tame.
  2. Nonetheless there was plenty of anger to go around. This mostly centered around aspects of the “new” Williamsburg being a tourist attraction and/or a watering hole of choice. Which brings me to…
  3. the subject of liquor licenses. If the ostensible function of our Community Board is to be the voice of the people and/or institute some semblance of “community standards” their determinations should be more binding. What’s the point of having due process if the SLA (State Liquor Authority) simply looks at their recommendation— let’s say, to deny a liquor and/or Cabaret license— and they issue the license (undoubtedly greased along by lobbyists/parties with deep pockets) anyway? Just a thought.
  4. The previous Op Ed(s) having been written (and to close on a note of levity), I am taking a serious shine to the notion of some exchange program between Greenburg/Williamspoint grannies and ‘noobs in the ‘hood.** I have no doubt the previous can show middle America a few things about partying (take this, for example.) Our friends (far) beyond the Hudson could use some good ol’ north Brooklyn flavor! It builds character.

Miss Heather

*Which inasmuch as much as yours truly can ascertain is STILL operating a monthly strip club. CASE IN POINT:

**I mean this with all due respect. I have grown to absolutely adore Greenpoint grandmas over the years. I simply wish others had the pleasure of enjoying their company. It isn’t so much about “Go back to Ohio”, so to speak, as it is “Get thee to Ohio”— and get us some respect!

New York Shitty Day Starter: Cry Baby

From Bayard Street.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Magic

September 10, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

From Bayard Street.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: Bayard Street Sandwich

Taken September 9, 2010.

Miss Heather

Greenburg Photos Du Jour: 427 Manhattan Avenue

I’m not too sure what’s going on here… but I like it!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Street Art Du Jour: Manhattan Avenue

June 12, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Street Art 

I featured a piece not unlike this one not too long ago. In my post I asserted the woman in question was Veronica Lake. A number of readers disagreed with my assessment and in light of more, um, information I agree with them. My educated guess is this is Janet Leigh. Thoughts, anyone?

Miss Heather

UPDATE, June 13, 2010: My mom nailed it. She is Anita Ekberg. So there have you!

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