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Great Moments In Abjectecture: 333 Leonard Street
Filed under: 11211, Abjectecture, Bloomblight, King's Crap, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
Since the real estate market more or less tanked in north Brooklyn yours truly figured she would not be seeing anything new in the way of aesthetically bankrupt construction any time soon. Needless to say when I saw the above specimen (333 Leonard Street) today I figured it wasn’t anything special. Just another piece of Bloomblight. It was when I looked around the corner I discovered the error of my ways: this edifice is truly something to behold. Without further ado here are some highlights. Enjoy!
I’ll be perfectly frank: I was absolutely dumbstruck that this was a gut renovation so upon arriving back home I did a little poking around the Department of Building’s web site.
Sure enough, it is. The wonders never cease!
Miss Heather
Great Moments In Abjectecture: Conselyea Street
Filed under: 11211, Abjectecture, Bloomblight, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
If all the suits Rodney Dangerfield wore during his career could be amalgamated into a building this specimen, which hails from 14 Conselyea Street, would be the end product. It should also be noted that this rather diminutive structure (by Williamsburg standards, anyway) appears to have racked up an impressive five Stop Work Orders over the last three years. And if you are wondering about the fence: no, it is not supposed to look like that.
Miss Heather
New York Shitty Street Art Du Jour: Whoa On Devoe
Filed under: 11211, Abjectecture, Street Art, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
(Or: A Little Something For The Ladies & My Gay Friends)
The above item elicited many a sophomoric giggle from yours truly this afternoon. I suppose it goes without saying I brought it to the Mister’s attention as soon as I arrived home.
Me: Check this out!
The Mister (sitting on the couch, squinting): What is that?
Me: Come over here and look.
And “look” he did.
T.M.: Oh. It’s a man dropping his pants.
Me: Yup. You can bounce a quarter off of that ass! I for one really like how it is juxtaposed with the balconized and downright totalitarian-looking piece of ass to the left.
The Mister concurred.
Miss Heather
New York Shitty Day Ender: 14 Bayard Street
Filed under: 11211, 11222, Abjectecture, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Plagiarism, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
(Or: Rapunzel Special)
Rounding out today’s postage I leave you with this absurdity from 14 Bayard Street (the final addition— and thank god for that— to Karl Fischer Row). Me (to my friend Triborough):
It’s pretty impressive that this building isn’t even inhabited yet, but the balconies are already rusted.
Pre-rusted so you don’t have to!
He replied. To wit I pointed out the obvious:
I wonder what is up with that top balcony? Is this like in Albania where they used to simply leave the top unfinished with rebar sticking out so they can come back and add another floor later? We must look at the front of this building!
And so we did.
Let me guess: the owner of this building has a friend in the balcony business. It went something like this:
You want balconies? I’ll give you balconies! Meet me under the BQE at 3:00 a.m. I have a truckload of ’em!
To wit Triborough presciently replied:
Maybe it is like the spare tire for a car? If one breaks they have one ready to replace it?
Indeed. This is what happens when you “design” and build your King’s crap by the yard. The Balkan balconies of yesteryear can be yours in Williamsburg today, dear readers— for a price. I can hardly wait until this gem hits the market!
UPDATE, December 21, 2010: It would appear that Fox News wasted no time sending out a television crew to “get the scoop” on this most important news item. Read it and weep.
Miss Heather
P.S.: This building has a “Partial Stop Work Order” on it— but not for this non-balcony!
Point here, click and see for yourself!
Great Moments In Abjectecture: Manhattan Avenue Edition
Filed under: 11222, Abjectecture, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic
It has been a long, long time since I have literally stopped in my tracks and murmured:
God, that building is really ugly.
I honestly thought I was getting jaded. Then I walked by 602 Manhattan Avenue this afternoon and got my religion back.
God, that building is really ugly.
Congratulations, Francis Albert Construction and Philip Toscano, “Architect” for keeping it real. Ugly, that it is.*
Miss Heather
*I would be lying if I didn’t say I found the “everything from the Neoclassical close-out bin at Home Depot” school of exterior decoration strangely seductive. I do.
The Hunchback Of 63 Skillman Avenue: Meet Belvedere XXXII
I have long been meaning to showcase this property.
Here it is. But there is more going on here than meets the eye.
MUCH MORE. This building appears to developed a hump.
Good god. They should charge people a dime a gander to look at this bad boy. And now come the punchline for this freak show, dear readers: the scenic vista to be had from these copious balconies.
Miss Heather
Great Moments In Abjectecture: Quincy Street
Filed under: 11216, Abjectecture, Articles of Fedderization, Bed-Stuy, Bed-Stuy Brooklyn
Many of you have noticed I have been pounding the pavement in Bed Stuy a lot lately. There are a number of reasons for this. Among them:
- I am trying to assemble a nice selection of photographs for my upcoming show at Creek & Cave.
- I simply like Bed Stuy.
If these is one word I would use to describe the topography of the Stuy it would be this: heterogenous. Nowhere else (in north-ish Brooklyn, anyway) will you see a more diverse selection of architecture. On any given block one will find meticulously restored brownstones, derelict construction sites, foreclosed properties, slick new condos and, of course, Fedders Specials. Which brings me to Quincy Street— and the subject of this post.
To the right we have your standard run-of-the-mill three story rowhouse. These are a dime a dozen. On the left we have a Fedders Special. These too are a dime a dozen. But there is a something more going on here than the usual air conditioning boxes, disproportionate balconies, exposed electrical meters and copious use of cement.
Instead of being embedded in the building proper, the mailboxes have been affixed to the front door. This may seem trivial, but I want you to consider this: what is going to happen if you have someone checking his/her mail and another tenant wants to exit the building? Of course this is not only poor engineering, it is also quite ugly.
Miss Heather
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