From The New York Shitty Inbox: He’s Baaaack!
I have received word from Citizen Robin (who took the photo gracing the beginning this of this post that one of Williamsburg’s more notable citizens, “Joe”, has returned to 373 Graham Avenue. I can assure you this is an event about which Mr. Loiacono’s neighbors— and probably the 90th and 94th Precincts— do not share this sign maker’s or (in all likelihood) these women’s enthusiasm.
The reasons for this are numerous— far too numerous to recount here. What’s more I need not do so: there is a web site dedicated solely to this fellow’s misdeeds— and impressive array of hooliganism it is! Yours truly’s personal favorite is violating a restraining order. This he saw fit to do in a spectacular manner. Namely, chasing the person protected by said order with a power saw. You can’t make this shit up, folks.
This isn’t to suggest the residents of this building during Joe’s incarceration were a cake walk. They weren’t. The broken window in the above photograph bears silent witness to this fact. In any case as of yesterday, September 17th 2014, he’s back. And if the last time “Joe” matriculated from the criminal justice system (which came to pass in May of 2012) is any indication, he can be expected to be— how shall we say— a mite bit sullen?
Of course it is called the “penal/corrections” system for a reason. Club Med Riker’s is most decidedly not. My advice: tread carefully and quietly, Williamsburgers.
Happy Thursday, Graham Avenue!
From The New York Shitty Inbox: Live From The B43 Bus Stop
An anonymous tipster writes:
Hi Heather!
While waiting for the 43 at Graham & Grand, I noticed a man seemingly passed out across the street. And I called 911. While waiting for help, I noticed the guy coming to. Well, pictures speak louder than words
Behold, the staredown of shame.
Damn.
For those of you who are not in the know on top of this Polaroid moment a pair of Time Warner employees— in uniform— were spied engaging in oral sex on the premises of our very own Nature Walk. NOTE: there is a rather large Time Warner facility located next door to this park. I guess the company bathroom simply does not have the same je nais sais quoi. In any case, I suppose the upshot is some are, in fact, enjoying our “open spaces”. Albeit in a rather unconventional matter.
Sorry folks, no photos— at least not yet. What this couple may not be aware of (or perhaps they simply do not care) is there are surveillance cameras on the premises. This incident has been brought to the attention of the Newtown Creek Monitoring Committee, to much amusement I’ll add. “NCMC” has, in turn, placed a request for said footage.* We’ll see. In any case those of you who seek porn should not pay a premium on cable, simply head over to the Nature Walk!
Naturally I had to make my tipster aware of this. To wit, he/she replied.
Awwww Heather. I just know there’s an exposed penis out there for you too. And I bet when you see it, it’ll be the longest one of all. 🙂
Awww. Thank you!
*In addition, removing the “no dogs” rules has been brought to the table. Dog owners should be pleased about this as there is no dog run hereabouts. Just don’t let Fido play in the creek, okay?
Southside Photos Du Jour: The “Tipi” Rant
Filed under: 11211, 11249, Culture War, Stuff The Makes Heather Sad, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
Today I had the pleasure of showing a buddy of mine, Lisanne, around northern Brooklandia. She’s been quite busy of late kicking ass in her community (“Gowanus”); was kind enough to take me on a tour of her community and I wanted to return the favor. I felt perhaps a walk around Williamsburg would be an interesting juxtaposition to what her community faces. Above all, I wanted to show her what I consider to be one of the supreme grotesques when to comes to developer/community organization “partnerships”. I speak of none other than the Southside teepee tipi.
I have yet to articulate in words how much this thing enrages me. Maybe I’ll get it right this time. I suppose we’ll find out soon enough.
To preface, a little information about myself:
- I am not of Native American descent. I am not a spokesperson for the Native American community. However…
- my forbears (on my mother’s side) came from Texas. Well, if you want to get “picky” they lived in Texas before Texas was “Texas”. They were European immigrants and they immigrated to Mexico.
- They were not “wealthy” people. They lived alongside and in (relative*) harmony with Native Americans and Latinos (NOTE: I am reticent to use the term ‘Mexicans” because back in the day my forebears would also qualify as such. See point #2).
- When one is living on the “frontier”, “poor” and as such bereft the amenities we have in this modern age he/she does not have the luxury of being racist— and I assure you racism is a “luxury”. Instead, you pulled together as many collective resources as you could as a community. My grandmother and great aunt had (as they put it) a “Comanche woman” (“political correctness” as we know it was/is a mite bit too much to ask from two women born in 1909 and 1911 respectively) from a neighboring plot of land/”ranch” as a babysitter on occasion. They had fond memories of her.
- When there was a “feud”, as great aunt put it, between this “Comanche” family and another family (non-native American, I recall) they sided with the Comanches. Like I said: racism is a luxury.
I am not Native American. However— and in large part due to my grandmother and her sister— I have been exposed Native Amercian history and culture since pretty much day one. And that’s why this teepee tipi pisses me off so goddamn much.
After I took this photo a 20-something fellow, the “fire setter”, clad in overalls, bandanna and a straw hat approached me.
Are you Miss Heather of New York Shitty?
he asked.
I answered to the affirmative. He responded as follows:
I’m Ryan, I used to work for GWAPP. We’ve met before.
Instead of tendering my condolences (I am capable of restraint when I want to be) I asked:
What are you doing?
We’re going to have a barbecue.
He replied and added:
We’re using wood because lighter fluid is bad!
“Oh I know” I replied and added:
Please tell that to my neighbors.** They just LOVE lighter fluid. They can’t barbecue for shit. They’d be excellent arsonists if they wanted to be.
Laughter, albeit of the uncomfortable/awkward variety, followed. “Ryan” went about his business and we went in.
Upon seeing this pair of New Balance sneakers outside the “tipi” my companion and I burst into fits of cynical laughter. She noted “NBs” are the footwear of choice among “progressives”.
No shoes are allowed in the tipi.
But apparently the “tipi” has an open door policy for smart phones.
I do not recall Native Americans having iphones. Hell, I do not recall reading— ANYWHERE— about the Native Americans who once called this land their home having teepees tipis. This is because they didn’t. Teepees were used by nomadic tribes— generally on the great plains. Teepees were made of buffalo hide. Brooklyn did not have “nomadic tribes” (or buffalo for that matter). There was no need to travel long distances: everything they needed was here.
My travelling companion, Lisanne, put it (more or less— paraphrasing here) very well:
Don’t they see the irony of having a teepee in a neighborhood where a lot of residents (many of whom are Latino and probably “Mestizo”— Ed. Note.) are being forced out?
No they don’t— and that is the problem.
Straight up: If you are going to appropriate Native American culture (which you probably shouldn’t do in the first place), at least make it contextually/historically relevant. New York City is not lacking in Native American history. So why I ask, once again, do we have this teepee? I am guessing it is a “nod” to Native American culture.
The problem with this teepee is— however well intended it may be— is the wrong Native American culture. By erecting this you are doing our predecessors here— and probably giving youths the notion that teepees did in fact exist here— a serious disservice. In fact I’d go so far to say one poorly placed teepee in Williamsburg is actually worse than no acknowledgement of Native American presence at all. Wrong information is worse than no information.
This could have, should have been an opportunity to educate people— newcomers and old timers, young and old— about the Native Americans who once lived here. Instead we have a hang-out wherein one can peruse one’s iphone. No lighter fluid, New Balances or Nikes allowed.
Rather sad, yes?
*For example, one time my grandmother and great aunt’s mother placed pies on a window sill to cool. The “Indians” stole them. My great aunt found her mother’s tristesse quite hilarious.
**Who also, thankfully rarely, host drum circles.
The Word On The Street, Part III: North 9 Street
Taken August 30, 2014.
Williamsburg Street Art Du Jour: Kent Avenue
Filed under: 11211, 11249, Street Art, Stuff That Makes Miss Heather Happy, The Word On The Street, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
Taken August 30, 2014.
The Word On The Street, Part II: Special NYPD Edition
Filed under: 11211, 11222, Culture War, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, The Natives Are Getting Restless, The Word On The Street, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
North 10 Street, 11211
Dobbin Street, 11222
Taken August 30, 2014.
Urban Artifact: Kent Avenue
Taken August 30, 2014.
New York Shitty Street Art Du Jour: Josephine
Filed under: 11211, 11249, Street Art, Stuff That Makes Miss Heather Happy, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
Taken August 30, 2014.
From The New York Shitty Inbox: And Now A Word From The 94th Precinct
Via an anonymous tipster:
The New York City Police Department is seeking the public’s assistance in identifying and locating the following suspect wanted in connection with an attempted burglary within the confines of the 94 Precinct. The details are as follows:
On Saturday, August 2, 2014 at approximately 0250 hours, the suspect entered 99 North 10 Street without permission or authority and attempted to gain entry into offices within.
Surveillance video of the suspect is attached and available at DCPI.
Anyone with information in regards to this incident is asked to call the NYPD’s Crime Stoppers Hotline at 800-577-TIPS. The public can also submit their tips by logging onto the Crime Stoppers Website at WWW.NYPDCRIMESTOPPERS.COM or texting their tips to 274637(CRIMES) then enter TIP577.
All calls are strictly confidential.
It would appear that some fellow— and a very menacing one at that (nothing strikes fear in the hearts of men like a purple Polo shirt)— attempted to burgle Vice Magazine. Or was one of their employees was simply trying to go to back to work operating on sheer motor memory?
In any case, the 94th Precinct ison it.
New York Shitty Photo Du Jour: The Brooklyn Way
Occasionally the Mister not only humors my shenanigans but is actually amused by them. This is one such occasion.
(Taken August 8, 2014.)
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