Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
The Balconies of Broadway
Filed under: Williamsburg
I have yet to get this fascination developers have with balconies. Perhaps I do not engender the proper sense of entitlement? Having a hefty balcony from which to look down upon my neighbors is not my cup of tea. What’s more, many of the balconies I see nowadays are for the skinny set. Very skinny.
Which brings me to 152 Broadway. This was a four story building. Four. Stories.
Now it will become a six story building. As. Per. Plan.
The poster to the far right reads:
Could an opera make us warriors for peace?
In all probability, no.
Can a piece of shit modification on an existing building make Miss Heather vomit?
Yes. When I look at the second floor balcony’s misalignment with the columns on the first floor I heave. And grieve. For the death of taste.
Miss Heather
Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Keep Off Flowers
Filed under: Williamsburg
From Division Avenue.
Miss Heather
Great Moments in Aluminum Siding Volume XV: The Gauntlet
I recently watched the trailer for this movie on Videodetective. Why would Miss Heather entertain herself with seventies schlock, you ask? Well, I took a walk down Eldert Street recently and thought of this movie for some inexplicable reason.
The owner of this house appears to be rather vigilant about being protected from the elements. Whether or not the aforementioned are his neighbors or merely inclement weather is anyone’s guess. I can almost hear Sondra Locke whining from here.
One thing’s for certain: beige is clearly this person’s favorite color. So much so that he elected to have his car match his house. Those are some pretty fierce rims. There’s no way in hell an army of sharp shooters are going to blow out this guy’s tires.
Miss Heather
Bed-Stuy Photo du Jour: Lafayette Avenue
Filed under: Bed-Stuy
Could it be?!? Has Bedford Stuyvesant indeed gentrified enough to merit an influx of stroller moms?
Miss Heather
Orient Avenue: Knocking On Scarano’s Back Door
As I mentioned in this post, I played “tour guide” last weekend. Any tour guide worth his/her salt knows where to take a bathroom break: Cooper Park. Second only to the privy at Fermi Playground in Bushwick. The latter is the only bathroom I have patronized that had soap, paper towels and toilet paper in abundance. At the same time. But that is the stuff of another post.
After relieving our respective selves I took my friends to Orient Avenue. We checked out the Munster House at 59, but found its neighbor to the west much more intriguing.
This is 11 Orient Avenue.
This is 11 Orient Avenue on crack. Any questions?
Apparently the Department of Buildings would like to ask a question.
Or two. They have issued summons but have yet to get access to the property.
Per the Department of Buildings complaint #625608:
When we walked by this building on Sunday, March 23, 2008 it was eviscerated. It sported cinder blocks for a front door, rat traps laid with total abandon and garbage dumped atop the few purple tulips which grace its soon to be deceased front yard.
Perhaps the no shoes in our house policy deterred the D.O.B. gaining entrance? Or to be Zen; if a New York City Building Inspector knocks on a pile cinder blocks does it make it sound? Not to his supervisors. So he sticks a notice on the fence instead. Twice.
Miss Heather
P.S.: It should hardly be surprising that this site is going to be razed for yet another Scarano masterpiece. Five stories, no less.
Crypt Keeper ’08!
Filed under: Bed-Stuy
I found this curious juxtaposition on MacDonough Street yesterday. This household is pro-Obama and very patriotic.
Yet they have Dick Cheney sitting in their window sill. Maybe they’re hedging their bets?
Miss Heather
Southside Soap Opera
Filed under: Williamsburg
The “southside” of Williamsburg is not a place I like to frequent. The ungodly amount of traffic, noise and invasive construction makes my person avoid it almost every time. Almost. On a lark I walked through this neighborhood today and learned what I have been missing.
South 6th Street
This is what I call a multi-purpose sign. The author of this tome has a number of issues he (or she) wishes to address. Among them are:
- Bikes chained to fences
- Improper disposal of dog shit
- Drunken chicanery.
Who knew Billyburg south of the bridge was so exciting? Well, it is. And then some.
Broadway
I found this degraded flier of degradation and excess attached to a Fed-Ex drop box a block away. While a number of crucial elements were missing the message was more or less intact, e.g.;
- Do not date this man because…
- he “plays on women’s sympathies” and
- is a “liar, mooch, cheat”
This describes a number of men I have met in New York Shitty. Thankfully the woman who created this public service announcement highlighted a couple distinguishing characteristics of this loathsome Lothario so as to help her sisters cull the dating pool.
Bulging eyeballs and an affection for having dildoes shoved up his ass.
That should narrow down things a bit.
The Southside is much more interesting than I ever imagined. I’ll have to go back there more often.
With a strap-on.
Miss Heather
Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Bedford Avenue
Filed under: Williamsburg
This Keith chap appears to be quite the player —and a very disorganized one at that. I have no doubt the story behind this missive has more twists and turns than a David Lynch movie.
Or my stomach after eating at Taco Bell.
Miss Heather
Free Enterprise in Bedford Stuyvesant
Filed under: Bed-Stuy
Bedford Stuyvesant has a number of endearing qualities. Their prowess for destroying public pay phones and taste for challenging art are only two facets of this much misunderstood gem of a neighborhood. The fine folks of the Stuy also happen to be some of the most innovative free market capitalists I have ever encountered.
This gentleman graces the street in front of a CPR school on Marcus Garvey Boulevard. It really says something about the good nature of the people in Bed-Stuy that he has be left untouched. Had someone placed this dummy in Greenpoint I can assure you something would be inserted in his mouth. But I digress.
C.P.R. training is but only one of the many services offered at this mobile home megaplex. They also sport an ambulance service.
But I’m not too sure I want to give or receive C.P.R. from people who also fish monger. Unless of course they have an adjacent Listerine concession stand. And these clever folks just might! Bed-Stuy’s barons of business are wily enough to out-Trump the Trump. I see C.P.R./Ambulance/Fish and Chips franchises gracing this great nation from coast to coast… and soon!
Miss Heather
A Study In Contrast
Last weekend on Jackson Street I had the pleasure of discovering one of the most verbose admonishments to remove one’s bicycle from another person’s premises I have ever seen.
The author of this note brings up a very salient point: there are certain legal ramifications to be had if someone injures him/herself on someone’s property. His (or her) argument for this bike’s removal is well thought-out and attempts to employ reason in the hopes the owner of this vehicle will do the right thing. Unfortunately this oft-used form of manipulation usually backfires because a great number of people on this planet are anything but reasonable. Perhaps they should give my new friends at Rude Towing a ring?
It has been my observation that the best inducements are the ones which make it known it is in the offender’s best interest to cease and desist with his/her anti-social behavior. Keep it concise and straight to the point. Like this classic piece of anti-bicycle signage from Calyer Street in Greenpoint.
I have walked by this house on a number of occasions. I have yet to see a bicycle affixed to it or any part of its property in any way, shape or form. It just goes to show Teddy Roosevelt was onto something when he said:
Speak softly and carry a
big sticka chain saw.
Miss Heather
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