Open Letter To A Neighbor

October 10, 2008 by missheather
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic

I will not lie to you: I was than pleased when I found this (whatever it is and I assure it is the subject of much debate among your neighbors) gracing the stairwell of our building. However, I understand that sometimes this area serves as a “transfer point” for articles destined for the garbage or (perhaps in this case) an art gallery. I do not really mind this. What’s more, the note you left on this item certainly seemed to indicate that this (arguably dangerous) situation was temporary.

will move in the morning…

Therein lies the fly in my proverbial ointment: the above photograph was taken October 3, 2008. Seven mornings have elapsed since I documented your ad hoc installation and yet it is still here. Perhaps the devil is in the details, e.g.; you’re talking about the next Mercurial morning (which comes every 58.6467 earth days). Somehow I doubt this. Methinks forgetfulness or sheer laziness is the real culprit. I realize the previous statement is a bit snide, but quite frankly I am getting very tired of looking at this every day. What’s more, I am not alone.

Having had the pleasure of sharing a roof with some real whackadoos in my time I consider myself very lucky to live in a building with great neighbors (and yes, this includes you). If you need help removing this item please ask your neighbors for help. We’ll be more than happy to obligue. Otherwise I imagine someone will either contact our landlord or the fire marchal’s office (who will, in turn, fine our landlord) and (after shitting some serious bricks) he will send each of us a terse memo admonishing us not place such objects in the public areas of this building. He’ll probably make everyone remove their bicycles from the hallway as well, thus subjecting them to the caprice of the numerous bike thieves who call Greenpoint their home. I have seen this happen before. Trust me, it isn’t pretty.

Lest I have not made my point clear: PLEASE REMOVE THIS FROM OUR APARTMENT BUILDING IMMEDIATELY. If not out of consideration for your neighbors, the fact that with each passing day it is becoming increasingly likely it will be removed for you should be sufficient motivation to do the right thing. We’re a pretty affable lot in this building, let’s keep it that way.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Your Neighbor