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Return of the Shit Crawler
Yesterday I found a most exceptional pile of poop. After several weeks of paltry fecal offerings (diarrhea, mostly), it finally happened. The Garden Spot produced a bowel movement worthy of being called the “Dung of the Day”. This sculptural pile of poo also proved to be a perfect canvas on which to create my entry for Third Ward‘s Art Ate New York competition.
I rushed home to get my supplies. My husband was nowhere to be found. Thinking quickly, I called him on his cell phone.
WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!?
I bellowed. “At the Black Rabbit.” he said. I should have known better; when all else fails the Mister can usually be located on a bar stool. “I found the PERFECT pile of shit for my project! HURRY UP AND FINISH YOUR COCKTAIL! I will be down there to get you in ten minutes. We need to act fast!”
Heart racing, I swung by the Black Rabbit and collected my husband. We made double time to the intersection of Noble Street and Manhattan Avenue (where the above merde morsel was located). I heaved an enormous sigh of relief when I discovered it was still there. Not wanting to waste any more time, I got right down to business. Soon enough, I had an audience.
A woman eating a tomato (whose curiosity was piqued by the sight of a blue-haired chick in a kilt crawling around on the sidewalk) approached. When she saw my creation she laughed— as did numerous onlookers. Save this guy.
Though clearly confused, he did nothing whatsoever to stop me. That’s what I love about Greenpoint: people leave you the fuck alone. Which is a good thing given that this, my latest opus, came out so smashingly it would have been a crime to interfere with its creation.
Looks like a stray droid is at large on Noble Street.
Much to the dismay and amusement of the local populace promenading along Manhattan Avenue. People who, amusingly enough, seemed to walk in single file. Perhaps to hide their numbers?
Miss Heather
Comments
6 Comments on Return of the Shit Crawler
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rowan on
Sun, 9th Sep 2007 2:06 pm
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d on
Sun, 9th Sep 2007 7:30 pm
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fisher6000 on
Sun, 9th Sep 2007 8:57 pm
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missheather on
Sun, 9th Sep 2007 9:03 pm
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laterain on
Mon, 10th Sep 2007 10:30 pm
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al oof on
Sat, 15th Sep 2007 2:53 pm
hahahahahahahaha! i love it.
and i have some poop news for ya: some jerk has been letting his dog crap in the back courtyard of the Astral Apartments – and does not clean it up. nobody except Astral maintenance staff and the staff of Brooklyn Label has access to it, i.e., it’s not a public area like a sidewalk, so i think this guy thinks he’s getting away with something.
unfortunately for me, i live on the first floor and have a lovely view of his dog defecating. i did manage to take a picture of it today. if you don’t mind, i’d like to submit it to your site. it kinda pisses me off that this guy has such a callous disregard for us Astral residents. what did we ever do?
let it be said that i have nothing against the dog – a lovely golden retriever – all my peevish ness is directed solely at the guy.
The right-hand (coming from Franklin) stretch of Oak between Franklin and West is a veritable cornucopia of shit – many shapes, ages, and sizes. I always think of New York Shitty when I see it. Nothing as spectacular as the Noble mound currently though.
Image #2 rocks!!!
Good luck with art ate new york, and thanks for posting about it! I can’t get it together to make something for it. But I am helping a friend… we might kick your ass! ; )
No one kicks my ass. Except me. Good Luck.
so I really have to ask . . . and maybe the answer is somewhere in your blog, but it’s 1:30 in the morning right now, so I hope you’ll cut me some slack . . . š
Do you go back later on and retrieve your Star Wars toys, or do you leave them there on the sidewalk for posterity? Do other people ever take them? (the toys, I mean. if they’re taking anything else, I sooooooooo don’t want to know about it!)
I’m about to start a meme about “the five blogs you would take on a desert island”, and I have to say that you are a definite contender for one of the spots. how else could I stay up-to-date on such important east coast news items?!
ha, nice!
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and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!
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