Now For Sale In Greenpoint: Whipped Lightning

The last twenty four hours have been quite lively ones at Chez Shitty. It started at around 1:00 p.m. yesterday afternoon when a neighbor began shouting quite loudly on the street. This can mean one thing and one thing only: he’s drunk. Public intoxication is hardly an uncommon occurrence hereabouts— one need only go to McCarren Park to see it. However, this individual does it with a difference; his ‘merrymaking’ culminates in being arrested and/or taken away in an ambulance. Yesterday was no exception.

Well, that should buy me twenty four hours of peace and quiet.

I thought to myself. Alas this was not to be. He was back and quite vocal as of 10:13 this morning. I suppose I should be disappointed by this— but I’m not. I have become quite acclimatized to it. Snow White had bluebirds singing and all manner and variety of fauna to help her prepare for the rigors of the day. I am no Snow White. Yours truly’s preferred means of greeting a(nother) day in the “Garden Spot” of the “Big Apple” are the dulcet banshee cries of a certifiable lunatic. The way I see it, my day can only improve after such an inauspicious start. And this, gentle readers, happened today!

I perused my inbox to discover:

1. A(n) manhole access cover on Monitor Street has been stolen for the 4th or 5th time. While arguably a failure on our city’s part (in terms of enforcement and/or exercising common sense) I do not blame myself in the least for being unable to keep up with this.

If the residents of this block can no longer keep track of the plunder, I see no reason why I should.

2. The rather controversial “owner” of 377 Graham Avenue awakened his neighbors with the Rolling Stone’s “Gimme Shelter” at 7:00 a.m. this morning while engaging in a little “air guitar” for passersbys’ delectation. This was a relief. At least when compared to a painting “Joe” saw fit to share with the general public yesterday. Follows is a photograph of it forwarded to me by a concerned citizen.

Yup.

3. Lastly— and best of all— yours truly sold a photo today! I will not go into details (because it is a Christmas present) save to say it will (hopefully) make someone’s day. It certainly made mine. Now I had an unexpected windfall (Okay, more like a gentle breeze) of cash.

So what did you do?

You ask. What any Greenpointer worth his or her salt would do during this season of good will: proceed to the liquor store without delay.

And it was at Save Rite Wine & Liquor I discovered this.

Whipped Lightening.

Their web site offers a number of recipes using their product. I opted to purchase their “German Chocolate Whipahol”.

While perhaps a politically incorrect choice for a resident of “Little Poland” (of Polish/Lithuanian descent no less), you have to hand it to the folks at Whipped Lightning for efficiency.

At 33 1/2 proof this “alcohol infused” product facilitates a number of vices— all in one can!*

So what will you do with this product, Heather?

You ask. This remains to be seen. But the possibilities are endless provided one is tasteless imaginative enough. If I use my purchase to top, say, a White Russian can I call it a Ribbentrop – Molotov Cocktail? Possibly. Or would a “Third Partition” be more appropriate? Only time (and depravity) will tell. In the meantime for an evening you might not remember, north Brooklynites, you can purchase Whipped Lightning right here in Greenpoint!

Whipped Lightning
Cost: $11.99 plus tax
Flavors: Chocolate Mint, German Chocolate, Strawberry Colada & Hazelnut Espresso
Save Rite Wine & Liquor
907 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

*Not that I am recommending this, mind you.