Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Norman Avenue

Who says mom’s trip to the beauty parlor can’t be fun? This young gentleman (who I have dubbed “Roller Finger”) has the right attitude!

Miss Heather

P.S.: Years ago I made the mistake of having my best friend from high school be my college roommate. Before our friendship went to hell in a hand basket (as a consequence) we’d do things together. Lighting “jumping jacks”, tossing them in the toilet and photographing the results was my favorite avocation; shopping at Victoria’s Secret was hers. “Mickey” took her femininity very seriously. I seriously couldn’t give a shit. Hellraising is much more fun. But I digress.

One day I found myself at a Victoria’s Secret store in some nameless, faceless mall in north Texas.

ASIDE: I find Frederick’s of Hollywood charming in a kitschy kind of way. At least they acknowledge the life blood of their business: sex. Victoria’s Secret by comparison is, well, VICTORIAN. Patrolled by Frau Bluckeresque saleswomen who’d probably beat you with a ruler if given half the chance.

But back to my story.

Nary a pasty, flavored lube or a pair of men’s “novelty underwear” (usually involving elephants or giraffes) was to be found that day. I had to find another avenue for entertainment. Interesting things happen when I get bored. In this case I decided to find the biggest bra they had in stock. Hilarity ensued.

Saleswoman: Excuse me, can I help you?
Miss Heather: No, I’m alright.
Salewoman: The bras “in your size” are over there (pointing to the “pirate’s delight”* section).
Miss Heather: I know. I just want to see the biggest boulder holder you have in stock.

She left me alone after that. I later told “Mickey” what I did. She didn’t think it was very funny.

*Sunken chest.

TOMORROW: The Greenpoint 100

Today I finally delivered my submission (an 8″ by 10″ print of the above image) to the Greenpoint 100 which is set to kick off at 11:00 a.m. tomorrow. To refresh everyone’s memory, this is an annual fundraiser for the Greenpoint Branch of the Brooklyn Public Library; 100 people contribute art work which will in turn be sold for $25.00 a pop. Last year there were some absolutely breathtaking submissions. I have no doubt this year will be no different. Be sure to arrive early.

Greenpoint 100
October 4, 2008 11:00 a.m. – 2:30 p.m.
Brooklyn Public Library
107 Norman Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

They’ll also be conducting a bake sale. Yum!

Miss Heather

Anybody Want Three Issues Of Polish Playboy*?

If so head down to the northwestern corner of Meserole and Manhattan Avenue. As of 4:15 p.m. today your free (still in the shrink wrap with accompanying VIDEO) ticket to Five Knuckle Shuffleville awaits!

But it’s in POLISH!

My English-speaking Greenpoint conrades protest.

We (women) all know you don’t really buy this periodical for the articles, gents. You’re not fooling anyone.

Miss Heather

*Be advised they’re all March 2008.

Greenpoint Photos du Jour: Faile On Meserole Avenue

Looks like there are signs of life at this beautiful old storefront. What’s more I was delighted to see a man picking up his dog’s shit. While talking on a cell phone no less. That’s what I call “multi-tasking”!

Miss Heather

TOMORROW: Square Dancing In Greenpoint

I cannot honestly say I can muster much enthusiasm for this event. This is probably because (I shit you not) square dancing was part of the curriculum in Phys. Ed. at my elementary school. We all hated it when it was “Square Dancing Day” because it entailed:

1. Touching the opposite sex (and thus possibly getting “cooties”)
2. It meant we were not going to play dodgeball (preferably with the big rubber balls because they inflict more pain upon impact— Nerf balls are for wimps)

Nonetheless I realize that someone out there might be interested so here it is:

Come shake a leg and celebrate Fall in Greenpoint at the Greenpoint Autumn Square Dance on Saturday, October 4th at the Lutheran Church of the Messiah on McGolrick Park in Brooklyn.  East Kentucky’s Clack Mountain String Band and Virginia dance caller Julie Shepherd are coming north for a night of lively old-time music, dancing, hot cider and donuts. On the forefront of a diverse and blossoming music scene in Morehead, Kentucky, Clack Mountain String Band consists of four core members; Karly Higgins, Jesse Wells, J.T. Cure and Brett Ratliff.   CSMB is vastly influenced by the mountains and rolling hills of East Kentucky and old-time master musicians like Lee Sexton, George Gibson, and their dear friend, the late fiddler Art Stamper.  MC and caller Julie Shepherd is an accomplished dancer and banjo player currently residing in Staunton, VA.

For more information, e-mail greenpointsquaredance (at) gmail (dot) com.

The Greenpoint Autumn Square Dance
The Lutheran Church of the Messiah
129 Russell Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Be sure to bring your own cooties.

Miss Heather