Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Greenpoint Photo du Jour: THIS AREA PATROLLED
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
From Vandervoort Avenue.
Miss Heather
Land Of The Rising Fedders
Today I have a very special offering for Fedders Friday. This beauty, the highest of the Fedderist style, hails from Bushwick and sports certain accouterments that make it shine exposed gutters and satellite dishes above its peers. As you will see.
This is the glorious sight that awaited me as I walked down Broadway towards Hart Street Wednesday. Note the copious use of Fedders boxes and satellite dishes. Knowing a bona fide find when I see one, I went in for a closer look.
This has got to be a Fedders first: the use of said building to advertise diagnostic services. Wouldn’t you love to come home to this sight everyday? I know I would. What’s more, when you decide to have that special someone over for dinner and she asks you for directions to your bachelor pad you can say “Just look for the diagnostic testing sign”. That will attract the ladies. In spades.
And of course if your lady friends miss the advertisements, these handy medical waste boxes will clue them in. I wonder what’s inside? Used hypodermics? Stool samples? Pap smears? Life is mysterious!
As if all the previous amenities are not enough to convince you this is the place to be, perhaps the exposed electrical meters, mismatched doors and extensive use of cement will.
PVC, bondo and test wells. No sir, they don’t build ’em like this anymore!
The Viridian can keep its fancy-pants virtual golf, sauna and reflecting pool. Chez Hart Street sports an Imperial Japanese motif with accompanying Zen garden where you, the residents, select where the tire goes!
I know what you’re thinking. How can I, a mere gaijin, possibly have a shot at accommodations as luxe as these? Well folks, in the spirit that is Fedders Friday I have saved the best for last!
There are apartaments available for rent! So why not hop onto the J or M train and make this beauty your own?
The more mass transit savvy among you will be pleased to note it is very conveniently located to public transportation. Just knock on the medical waste boxes three times and tell ’em Miss Heather sent you.
Miss Heather
Crosstown Local Photo du Jour: He Lives!
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
As some of you have noticed, the offerings the last couple of days have been few. This is because after being holed up in my apartment for several days I needed to get out and actually have fun. Yes some of us bloggers do, indeed, have a life. What’s more, I will gladly sacrifice page hits if it means having the honor of riding the one and only G train with the King.
Attention, Elvis is leaving the Crosstown Local. Repeat, Elvis is leaving the Crosstown Local.
Miss Heather
Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Marcy Avenue
Filed under: Williamsburg
From Marcy Avenue.
Miss Heather
Bed-Stuy Photo du Jour: Nevermind
Filed under: Bed-Stuy
From Pulaski Street.
Miss Heather
Brooklyn Photo du Jour: 4th Avenue
Filed under: Area 51
You know the economy has truly gone to hell in a hand basket when God gets an eviction notice.
Miss Heather
Disturbathon
(Or how to go totally fucking insane in twelve easy steps)
Today’s offerings will be excruciating lite because:
- I have been housebound for three days and as a consequence I am low on material.
- Last night I went absolutely bat shit.
It takes a lot to rattle me. Life in New York Shitty has a way of knocking those sharp edges of intolerance clean off a person. But for those of you out there who wish to drive Miss Heather abso-FUCKING-lutely nuts (and you know who you are), here’s how to do it.
- Give Miss Heather a task, in this case waiting for a Fed Ex package to be delivered.
- Get a one yard container and place it under Miss Heather’s living room window.
- Starting at 9:00 a.m. sharp start flinging metal pipes into said dumpster.
- Be sure to make a sport of it. Slamdunks are not only encouraged, but they are mandatory.
- Accompany your manly acts of garbage disposal with color commentary such as “I’m the man!” and “$2,000?!? I can get a fucking whore for that kind of money!” If “Kristen” is reading this come on down to Greenpoint. I found you a client!
- Repeat items #4 and #5 until 5:30 p.m.
- Debt collection agencies: give me a ring. Often. Be sure to ask for “Julie Garcia” despite my repeated assertions that she doesn’t live here.
- Fed Ex: be sure to postpone your delivery until the next day. Do not inform me of this. We both know my only purpose in life is to wait for you to show up. It’s not like I have anything better to do anyway.
- Scrap metal collectors: once the sun begins to set it is your turn to shine! Please proceed to the dumpster (as mentioned in point #2) and fling its contents onto the sidewalk in the loudest manner possible.
- Mister Heather: fire up a documentary about East German Olympic athletes being used as guinea pigs for anabolic steroids. The mere sound of metal crashing onto the ground is not enough to render my efforts at writing futile. It must be accompanied with images of women who look like Dick Butkus.
- Dispatcher at 94th Precinct: When someone (in this case, Mr. Heather who fears I am about to go “Prisoner of Second Avenue” on someone’s ass) calls your direct number to complain about noise/suspicious activity, order him/her to call 911. You, being expected actually field a phone call by a lowly tax payer? The sheer fucking nerve.
- Make sure the mayhem (from pipes being thrown asunder, television, etc.) lasts for twelve straight hours, giving Miss Heather a headache that won’t quit.
Yup. If you want to get on my nerves this handy outline shows you how! Not only has it been proven effective in clinical studies but it also comes with a 100% money back guarantee. Which given I have provided this information totally free of charge— well, you know.
Miss Heather
Subway Posters du Jour: O
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Crosstown Local, Fulton Street
Crosstown Local, Greenpoint
Miss Heather
Subway Poster du Jour: Fulton Street
Filed under: Area 51
It’s refreshing to see that this poster for SNY continues to provide excellent fodder for my fellow subway patrons.
Nice tooshie.
Miss Heather
Some Gift-Giving Ideas For Father’s Day
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Since I was so lax about remembering Mother’s Day this year I have been extra vigilant about Father’s Day. The way I figure, having roughly one month at my disposal will give me time to make note, forget about it and remember with enough time left over to actually purchase a present in time. And when the latter most moment comes to pass I will head straight to Just For Fun without delay.
I noticed last weekend that they re-tooled their window display to showcase some gift-giving suggestions for dear old dad. I for one am drawn to this objet de arte. You see, Pa Heather recently decided to join the 21st century and get high speed Internet. As a result he has been tearing up the keyboard— much to my overloaded inbox’s chagrin. The way I see it, nothing says “cyber geek” (or “ask me about my castration anxiety”) like a disembodied fist donning a dagger and digital wrist watch. Such is the stuff sci-fi conventions are made of.
Of course I could always opt for the more pedestrian (and practical) pair of edible underwear. These come in creme de menthe flavor. Not only are they a tasty apertif but they leave the consumer with nice minty fresh breath to boot!
Yummy.
Miss Heather
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