Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Kingsland Avenue
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
One thing I love about Brooklyn is each neighborhood has its own unique take on what constitutes a cozy and inviting home. For example:
In Bushwick polychromatic statuary is the way to go.
Bedford-Stuyvesant prefers to festoon their fences with flamingos.
And in Greenpoint nothing says “welcome home” like a Jason mask standing watch over your stoop. Yes sir, we Greenpointers love us some homicidal maniacs! Fake flowers, cutesy woodland creatures and colorful plumage are for wimps.
In fact, we like Jason much we are not content with him merely gracing our homes, we also take him on the road! So much for Jesus. Any Greenpointer worth his (or her) salt knows the son of god cannot protect you from the utter lunacy that is the Greenpoint motorist. In the Garden Spot Jason is our co-pilot.
Miss Heather
Bushwick Photo du Jour: Greene Avenue
Filed under: Bushwick
Anyone who has experienced elementary school English knows there is something seriously wrong with this sign: Peper Bros Isn’t. Nothing breaks my heart more than sloppy grammar.
Miss Heather
The Bicycles of Bedford-Stuyvesant
Filed under: Bed-Stuy
Anyone who has lived in New York City for any appreciable period of time can attest that bicycle theft is a serious problem. Stealing and reselling bikes is a cottage industry in Greenpoint, and there has yet to be an anti-theft device invented by man that will deter would-be thieves from filching any and all ten speeds that tickle their fancy.
As morally repugnant as their choice of profession may be, I really have to hand it to these folks: the inventiveness and tenacity they employ is downright admirable. If this energy and brain power was properly harnessed, these petty criminals would be world leaders and Nobel prize winners. But they aren’t and so the age old question goes: how can we ultimately stop bike theft? I suppose only time will tell, but I suspect the people of Bed-Stuy may very well have found the answer: build a better bicycle.
This three wheeler hails from Lewis Avenue. I do not know how the owner managed to secure it to the light pole, but I imagine anyone trying to remove it will get a concussion or a broken arm as a reward for his efforts.
Of course invoking grievous bodily harm may not be everyone’s cup of tea. In which case confusion will probably suffice. “So this would-be thief wants some wheels?” this denizen of Bed-Stuy asked himself. Well, why not give them to him? A LOT OF WHEELS: bicycle wheels, wheel chairs, and the like will keep your klepto busy disentangling his new prize until the police show up.
Brilliant. Simply brilliant. But I have come to expect as much from my friends in this much-maligned and underrated neighborhood.
Bravo, Bed-Stuy! Bravo!
Miss Heather
Bushwick Photo du Jour: Troutman Street
Filed under: Bushwick
A long time ago I was a real estate agent. During my brief sojourn into this hellish career decision I became acquainted with a certain type of client: the person who simply must live in a building with a doorman. Mind you, I have nothing whatsoever against doormen. Most are very nice chaps. What I do not like, however, is the kind of person who feels he or she must be waited on hand and foot. And I learned yesterday I am not the only person who bears this sentiment.
If any of you are shopping for an apartment in doorman building in Bushwick, don’t waste your time with 287 Troutman Street.
And yes that means U.
Miss Heather
Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Hope Springs Eternal
Filed under: Williamsburg
I found this flier last weekend on Berry Street. I do not wish to sound cynical, but if all the construction sites that surround this missive are any indication, this is the subtlest real estate bust I have ever seen.
Miss Heather
Happy Year of the Rat from New York Shitty!
Filed under: Bushwick
As you are out celebrating this, the year dedicated to one of Miss Heather’s favorite animals, make sure you don’t end up like this poor ratticus bushwickus. Whether it be knocking back a fifth of brandy or doing bag of blow: do so responisbly.
Miss Heather
Sith in the Stuy
Filed under: Bed-Stuy
I was once of the opinion that Williamsburg and Greenpoint had a monopoly when it comes to aesthetically bankrupt, oppressive and soul-crushing architecture. Then I walked down Lafayette street in Bedford-Stuyvesant and learned how very wrong I was.
For the last week I couldn’t shake the feeling that this building reminded me of something. Something very, very familiar. Call it a “tremor in the Force” if you will. When I awoke this morning it finally came to me.
This is no mere piece of schlockitecture, it’s the Dark Side Mews! Don’t believe me? Just look what Darth has done to the house across the street.
Damn.
Miss Heather
Street Trash
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Today, fellow Greenpointers I have a very special treat to share with you: a hitherto unknown bit of Greenpoint glory called “Street Trash”. It all started with an email I received from my buddy Matt Wolfe from the Greenpointer Courier:
Are you familiar with the movie Street Trash. Being that it was filmed entirely in Greenpoint* and is gross, I’m assuming you have. I’m writing an article on it and was curious if you had any comment.
Believe it or not, I had not heard of this film. Intrigued, I looked it up on Wikipedia. The plot synopsis is as follows:
The owner of a liquor store in lower Manhattan finds a case of cheap wine (“Tenafly Viper”) in his basement. It’s over sixty years old and has gone bad, but he decides to sell it to the local hobos anyway. Unfortunately, anyone who drinks this Viper melts away in a hideous fashion. At the same time, an overzealous cop is trying to get to the bottom of all the deaths. The movie is littered with darkly comedic deaths and injuries. It also contains the notorious ‘severed privates’ scene where a group of homeless people play catch with the severed member of one of their number, as he futilely attempts to recover it.
Hobos!?! Bad booze?!? FILMED IN GREENPOINT?!? Obviously I had to possess this item, so I moseyed over to Amazon and ordered it.
Today, dear readers, my “SPECIAL TWO-DISC MELTDOWN EDITION” arrived! Can you feel the magic in the air? You can anticipate a detailed analysis of this flick from yours truly in the near future, so stay tuned. Be sure to keep an eye out for Matt’s interview as well. I have no doubt it will be very interesting.
In closing, I’d like to thank Matt for bringing this to my attention. This film will provide me untold amounts of Greenpoint mirth. Any movie that has the following piece of Oscar-award winning dialogue is definitely up my alley:
Lady, I ain’t so sure you don’t have a cock.
I have found myself wondering just this as I stroll down Manhattan Avenue on many a Sunday afternoon.
Miss Heather
*It later came to light that this is not entirely true: it was filmed in Greenpoint and Maspeth.
Bushwick Photo du Jour: NO PARKING
Filed under: Bushwick
On Wednesday, January 31, 2008 I wrote:
One thing I throughly detest is the practice of erecting copious amounts of “Beware of Dog†and “No Parking†signage on residential property. Not only are they an eyesore, but there usually is not a canine on said premises and if someone is a big enough asshole to park in front of your driveway a twelve by eighteen inch piece of plastic is not going to deter him.
Bucking conventional wisdom, the residents at 96 Bleecker Street have seen fit erect one such sign.
And as I so sagely prognosticated, it netted the usual results.
Miss Heather
Miscellaneous Foodstuffs
I have a couple of very exciting developments to pass along to my fellow Greenpoint gourmands. First up, a restaurant is in the works at the intersection of Humboldt and Richardson Street.
Frankie’s will be open only for breakfast and lunch (READ: they will not be serving that unspeakable other meal). When I asked the man working there as to when they would open he said:
As soon as god sees fit to let us. We’re waiting on our licenses from the city.
Good luck!
Frankie’s
490 Humboldt Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Phone: TBA
Next up, anyone who knows Amin and Salid (the co-proprietors of Greenpoint Grocery, home of Baltica lager) can attest to how utterly mouth-wateringly delicious the food they make is. After a few years of mulling the idea over, they are going to start selling their delicious wares to the public this upcoming Saturday, February 9th. I for one think a falafel stand would be an outstanding addition to the neighborhood. Check it out!
Greenpoint Grocery
1019 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 383-1984
Last up, I would like to pass along a little intelligence about Moore Street Market I received from a commenter called Ando:
The market shouldn’t be going anywhere. Our congresswoman Nydia Velazquez earmarked $235,000 towards restoring the market with Project for Public Spaces.
http://www.house.gov/velazquez/PressReleases/2007/pr-12-19-07-funding.htm
http://timesnewsweekly.com/Archives2007/Oct.-Dec.2007/122707/NewFiles/FUNDING.html
Now the big question is what are the actual hours of the darn place?
Firstly, I think we should all thank Ms. Velazquez for securing the funds to restore this vibrant and much-needed asset to the community. Secondly, I am pleased to announce that I finally have the answer to Ando’s question:
Moore Street Market (AKA “La Marquetaâ€)
110 Moore Street
Brooklyn, New York 11206
Hours: Monday – Saturday, 8:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m., Sunday 9:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m.
Last night I made dinner using ingredients from La Marqueta.
The results were incredible. I kid you not, Mr. Heather licked his plate.
Miss Heather
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