Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Dog Shit Diva Fit
28 days.
Every 28 days I wake up and wonder why I feel like shit.
Every 28 days I rummage for feminine hygiene products only to find that after the last 28th day I forgot to buy them. Damn.
Every 28 days I am one angry-ass bitch.
Guess what?
Today is day 28!
I head down to the junk shop and discover that my “area” was thoroughly wrecked. This pissed me off to no end. While usually very territorial in nature, I do not harbor the least bit of imperialist ambition to overtake the junk store. It would be too much work. Rather, all I seek is to have my ten square feet of shelf space left alone. Was it left alone? No it wasn’t. It was trashed.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
That’s how I announced my arrival to work today. And this outburst pretty much sums up my entire day.
4 1/2 hours of men ordering me around like I was their maid:
- Hey lady, I want…
- Hey lady, how much for this?
- HEY WOMAN, I want this and this and this… (pointing to items stowed away on shelves well beyond my reach. Even with a ladder.) I’m goin’ the the ATM. “The manager knows me.” he said. “Yeah, fuck you.” I thought.
Machismo.
4 1/2 hours of me saying “EXCUSE ME?” whenever one of the aforementioned cretins spoke to me in a manner I found disrespectful. I gave them a blank stare until they:
- shut up
- said “please”
- or “thank you”
4 1/2 hours of cursing under my breath while picking up:
- spit balls
- various repulsive items (a wad of chewed gum adhered to a pair of nail clippers was by far my favorite) because I couldn’t take it anymore.
I am the Dog Shit Queen of Greenpoint. In this capacity I preside over all things shitty, be they located in Greenpoint or elsewhere. I am not a receptacle designed to collect piss and shit from the incontinent asses of babies (of all ages). If I was, that would make me a diaper. And a diaper diva I am decidedly not. I care not to be the Maria Callas of crap collecting.
Today I was the receptacle for a number incontinent assholes. I did not like it the least bit, either. If these men want someone to wipe their asses, they should call their mothers. Or a diaper diva. Not me.
Miss Heather
Photo Credit: Miss Heather
The above photo is of the bathroom at the junk shop. Here are a few more pix…
Left view.
Right View: where the garbage can used to be. But its memory remains.
Comments
6 Comments on Dog Shit Diva Fit
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rowan on
Fri, 31st Aug 2007 11:43 am
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missheather on
Fri, 31st Aug 2007 12:02 pm
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lisanne on
Fri, 31st Aug 2007 1:13 pm
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missheather on
Fri, 31st Aug 2007 2:05 pm
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deadzebra on
Fri, 31st Aug 2007 4:22 pm
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missheather on
Fri, 31st Aug 2007 4:35 pm
you need to be bought a large margarita. i sympathize, my fellow chick.
As it would happen, this post is a result of drinking said cocktail.
If men got their periods you’d have the day off paid…also tampons would be free.
The following happened to a friend of mine and it pretty much says it all. She had a regular booty call. One time when they were hanging out he wanted to “get busy”. She said she wouldn’t because she was on her period. Here’s his reply:
If you loved me, you’d give me a blow job.
She said she didn’t love him and he was most decidedly NOT going to get a blow job.
if he loved her, he’d go down for a blood `stache
Right on. That man ain’t stopping until his face looks like a cherry danish.
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