Greenpoint
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Culture on the Cheap
Williamsburg Pay Phone du Jour: Graham Avenue
Filed under: Williamsburg
While appearing to be in working order, I felt this pay phone (which is located in front of Phoebe’s in Williamsburg) was well worth passing along.
Who couldn’t help but crack a smile using a phone that look likes this. And let’s face facts, if you’re using a public pay phone the news you have to relay is probably not good.
Miss Heather
TODAY: Go Fly A Kite!
Just a quick reminder that today is the Williamsburg Kite Festival. Why not enjoy today’s lovely weather by heading to McCarren Park and flying a kite?
Miss Heather
Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Pretty In Purple
Filed under: Williamsburg
From South 3rd Street.
Miss Heather
Fedders Friday: Wafertecture Fit For A King!
Yesterday I expounded upon the phenomenon known as “crapification“. Today, in the spirit of Fedders Friday I will throw out a new piece of D-list real estate terminology for your delectation: wafertecture.
Wafertecture (waf’-er-tek’-cher) n. An architectural style commonly employed in the outer boroughs of New York City. Primary distinguishing characteristics include a strong resemblance to a vanilla wafer.
This stylistic genre first caught my eye in Bed-Stuy. Initially I thought it was merely an isolated incident accident. It wasn’t, as I learned on Siegel Street recently.
You can almost taste the rich vanilla goodness from a block away. Yummy.
This slab of sugar looks good enough to eat! I sure hope there isn’t an evil witch lying in wait inside.
Come to think of it, those Fedders boxes have made me lose my appetite. The gratuitous keystones only add to my aesthetic dyspepsia.
But I who am I to judge? These homes are fit for a king! As my husband noted, these lovely four family homes reference the Tudor style— as in two doors rammed together.
Looks like Hansel (or Gretel) escaped!
Miss Heather
P.S.: This piece of shit goes out to Queens Crap.
Word Of The Day: Crapification
Filed under: Williamsburg
Crapification (crap’-if-fic-ka-shen) n. Restoration of a deteriorated but otherwise tasteful old building with a total disregard for aesthetics and/or context. —crap’-i-fy’ v. (ified, fying, -fies) See: the building at the southeastern corner of Penn Street and Harrison Avenue in Williamsburg
Could someone please explain to me why someone would do this?
Seriously, I really want to know.
Miss Heather
Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Temporary
Filed under: Williamsburg
From North 10th Street.
Miss Heather
A Match Made In Heaven
I found this single breast on Bedford Avenue on Tuesday. Is it just me, but it sure looks lonely sitting there next to a discarded water bottle.
Perhaps this solitary woman’s naughty bit should roll over to Manhattan Avenue in Greenpoint? There is a chartreuse monobra there that would love to make its acquaintance. It just goes to show what the old truism is indeed true: there’s someone for everybody!
Miss Heather
Old Blue Eyes
As you might have noticed today’s offerings on New York Shitty have been a bit lite. There are two reasons for this:
- I am not feeling very motivated today.
- I received the following email from a tipster.
D writes:
If you can, you need to go document this. My husband is IM-ing me about it and I am stuck at work — Joe Bagels is this neighborhood character who has his own labelled director’s chair outside of La Piazzetta, the Italian place across from Daddy’s on Graham. He also apparently is the owner of the “Queens Typewriter/ Fax Lazer Printer” store that is on Graham south of La Piazetta towards Metropolitan — it’s next to Emily’s Pork Store. Queens Typewriter is the most obvious front business I have ever seen, and I was thrilled when I found out Joe Bagels owns it (Joe Bagels, btw, is… around 50 years old, has snow white hair in a ponytail and a matching handlebar mustache and drives around in a red Corvette. ) And he is hosting this Frank Sinatra tribute RIGHT NOW and ALL DAY and there is a big banner over Graham Avenue. Oh, you have to go!
Also I have been meaning to write you about the conversation I had with the Rat Man 2 weeks ago! I will soon.
Needless to say I high tailed my ass outta Greenpoint and got to Graham Avenue without delay. Words fail to describe my experience. Thankfully I got a nice chunk of footage of the festivities in full swing to bear witness to the sheer glory I beheld. Enjoy!
If any of you have the means* do check out this event. It started at 9:00 a.m. and will be going on all day. You will not regret it!
Miss Heather
*Or not. Tell your boss to go fuck him (or her) self and go to this. NOW. I command you.
NOTE: It has been brought to my attention that “Joe Bagels” does not own Queens Typewriter (see comments).
Black Water
Filed under: Williamsburg
Black water.
The above two words usually invoke one of two images in the American collective consciousness:
- Mercenaries to fight our wars, e.g.; Blackwater
- Horror movies to assuage our guilt/anxiety (regarding aforementioned wars), e.g.; Black Water.
Not me.
I’m a Greenpoint gal. When I speak of black water I mean just that. Black. Water.
Yesterday I patronized the women’s “comfort station” at La Guardia Park. My experience was hardly comforting. It was confusing, downright disturbing and involved (guess what?) black water.
Let’s approach the above missive from a logical stand point. The purpose of pressing said “button” is to make “the toilet water come out”. Water is necessary to flush your dirty deeds elsewhere. Why would one not want the toilet water to come out? Being the altruistic person I am I ran a field test of said shitter to see what gives.
CONCLUSION: inasmuch as some would like to “luxurify” the “Southside” the infrastructure (still) sucks ass. No one, be they rich or poor, should have to dodge shit juice to do what nature necessitates. This is friggin’ nasty.
Miss Heather
Williamsburg Bicycle du Jour: Graham Avenue
Filed under: Williamsburg
Ever since Bicycle Fetish Day I have become more and more attuned to the many glorious ways people trick out their bikes. That said, I found a real beauty Sunday afternoon while strolling down Graham Avenue.
I love the festively colored mud flaps.
Speaking as a vegetarian I cannot honestly say I am too fond of these dead critters (foxes?) hanging from the handle bars. However if the owner’s objective employing these deadkins was to make a statement, even a bleeding heart like little me has to admit he not only succeeded, but did so smashingly.
This cute little goldfish is much more to my liking.
And of course what would a great ride be without some tunes? To this end he has rigged a car stereo to a compact disc player. The one thing I absolutely adore about this facet of bicycle culture is its inventiveness. Not only are these bikes moving works of art, but every effort has been made to make its driver as comfortable as possible. I give this bike two enthusiastic dead foxes up!
Miss Heather
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