From The New York Shitty Inbox: Goodbye, Goldscholle & Garfinkel

March 28, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Stuff That Makes Miss Heather Happy, Stuff The Makes Heather Sad, Urban Artifact

A very nice fellow named Matthew writes on March 21st:

I spoke to the gentleman who owns and operates Goldsholle and Garfinkel Hardware on Manhattan Ave today (I believe his name is Steve), and found out that he’s closing the store and retiring after 30 years. He told me the store has been family owned since the 1920’s. I do not know the man well, but he has always been friendly and helpful whenever I’ve gone into the store. I thought people might like to stop by and wish him well in retirement. He likes dogs and has always been happy to give my dog a treat when I’ve brought him in. Canine-centric bon voyage?

As it would happen I am friends with Steve. I can attest that he is not only a very nice fellow, but a gentleman as well. His establishment has long been a community cracker barrel of sorts. The panels vary, as do the subjects discussed. The latter usually are sports, local events, news and whatnot. Today’s “subject matter” would fall under the lattermost. And being a gentleman, Steve wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. No worries, that’s where I come in.

I have met a number of wonderful people at Steve’s. One of them is a fellow who is a landlord hereabouts. For reasons which will soon become clear he did not want his name used. It’s not really important anyway. Those of you who are familiar with this blog are well aware that I feature landlords quite frequently and it is usually not for “good” reasons. In the interest of “equal time” I will now endeavor to feature one of the “good guys”. A fellow who, upon discovering a tenant had left something of— how shall we say— a highly personal manner, has seen fit to store it in his basement for safe-keeping. Before I proceed I offering the following observations/caveats:

If you find stuff like this offensive, do NOT watch the following video.
Measures were taken to ensure no one who finds such accoutrements offensive was not present at the, um, “unveiling” of this item.
If you are at work, you should probably not watch this unless you want a visit from the HR Department.
It was quite fortuitous the following came to pass at a hardware store as a tape measure was required so as to establish its size. All I’m sayin’ is a woman knows.

Without further ado on with the show!

Thanks for the memories, Steve. You will be missed!

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From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Untitled

March 25, 2014 ·
Filed under: New York City, Urban Artifact

Taken by Nilspix.

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Urban Artifacts: Special Feral Food Edition

March 20, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Urban Artifact

There appears to have been a mishap on Manhattan Avenue.

Glass of (queso) half empty: salsa con queso gone to waste brings a tear to yours truly’s eye.

Glass half full: Old Krupnik is a highly provocative accompaniment to this street feast. The presence of a towel suggests some attempt at a “clean up”. One has to appreciate this kind gestures given they are quite rare nowadays.

Meanwhile on Lorimer Street…

Street meat tartar…

accompanied by pasta.

Bon appetit!

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Urban Artifacts: Hang On Baby…

March 16, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, 11249, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Plagiarism, Urban Artifact, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn

Greenpoint, 11222

This (lest any of you are wondering what “this” is, they are pig’s feet) was (once again) brought to my attention by the author of this mischief (which came to pass July 2013*). Naturally (and in the interest of due diligence) I asked this person to tender his/her thoughts. They are as follows:

Just that the rest of him was delicious we were at a pig roast at (excised) and for some reason I felt the need to take them – just spiraled from there!

So there have you. Speaking as a vegetarian I do not necessarily endorse this act— I am simply passing along the “facts”.

Williamsburg, 11249

I do not think any explanation as to the nature of these objects is necessary. Nonetheless, these photos (which were taken today) bear testement that the north Brooklyn dildo feral epidemic is much more pervasive than I initially thought. The humanity— (or at least a vital component of it)! Note that I have seen fit not to disclose the locations of these hilarious items. I can assure you, gentle readers, I have a very good reason for this. It is as follows:

On February 23rd of this year I blogged a rather curious renovation in Long Island City. I christened it the “Lego House”. This garnered attention from both Brownstoner Queens and Curbed. Both of the previous saw fit to follow what is considered to be proper “Netiquette”: cite yours truly. Sadly, the same cannot be said for Fox News (no surprise there) or the New York Daily News— both of which saw fit to “amplify” the news about this most curious domicile on March 5th. The latter simply referred to me as a “sympathetic blogger”. I am guessing the rationale for not citing my blog was that their readership would find its url objectionable. Having had my fair share of hearing this as a justification for plagiarism over the years, I have a mirror site with a much less “offensive” url: www.thatgreenpointblog.com. But I digress. Let’s continue!
On January 11th of this year I visited a buddy of mine who happens to be employed at a business located at the corner of North 6 Street and Bedford Avenue. She asked me if had had seen something rather curious gracing the (I presume) telephone wire thereabouts. This:

Given this is not the kind of thing one sees every day (at least in North Brooklyn— in the East Village it is fairly commonplace) I took ample photos and blogged Spiderman and his “companion” immediately upon arriving home. Therein I wrote:

…Per the person who brought this to my attention, this hilarious item not only survived the recent blizzard, but has graced this intersection for at least three months.

Once again: this post came to pass on January 11th and therein it was established that this has been around for at least three months.** Do the math. Following me so far? Good. Let’s continue some more!

Now let’s jump forward to March 6th. Better known to yours truly as the day after one of— if not the most appalling— “community meetings” I have had the misfortune of blogging. Did the New York Daily News deem a number of (purported) community groups in north Brooklyn effectively voting to disenfranchise themselves in an election that was (and I am being very diplomatic when I write this) highly “irregular”— and predicated (if not spoken, understood) upon what is happening regarding the Greenpoint Boathouse— well, “news”? No they did not. Rather, they saw fit to publish this:

Note the highlighted passage. I can only wonder exactly how they came to guesstimate this date. Here perhaps? Here’s the deal:

If you want to use my web site as a news source there is no excuse for not citing it. Methinks I have already established why.
If a “news outlet” can see fit to publish a news item with a pixelated penis, I fail to see how the word “shitty” is even an issue. Really.
I have grown to accept that being credited for my work is an exercise in futility. However, I can make “cherry picking” news items from my blog a mite bit more challenging! Hence:

I am not disclosing where today’s “urban artifacts” are located. I do not receive compensation for what I post on New York Shitty. The “reporters” at the New York Daily News, Fox, et. al. do. Go get ’em boys (and girls)! There’s “news” to create!

*Just in case our local news outlets elect to make hay of this in lieu of, say, actual events that impact peoples’ lives on a real, lasting and fundamental level.

**NOTE: I did a follow-up post on Valentine’s Day as well. It struck me as being appropriate.

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