Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Barracuda

January 24, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

barracuda1nys

barracuda2nys

sixnys

dashboardnys

This little bit of Red Hook comes courtesy of Franklin Street.

Miss Heather

Great Moments In Marketing: Special Flatbush/Ditmas Park Edition

January 23, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Culture War, Greenpoint Magic 

tbscarf2

talbanscarvesnys

This example of marketing savvy comes courtesy of my friend down at Flatbush Gardener. He writes:

There’s more story behind the photo, too. As soon as I stood in front to take a picture, the (presumed) owner came out, with two or three of his staff. He wanted to know what I was doing. Not aggressive at all, just seemed concerned. I told him I was taking a picture of his sign.

Owner:
What are you doing?
Me: Taking a picture of your sign.
Owner: Why?
Me: You know it’s misspelled, right? It’s supposed to be “Taliban”, right?
Owner: Are you going to get me in trouble?
Me: I don’t see why.

I went on to explain that I already had a “Taliban scarf” – what I
know as a keffiyah – I just wasn’t wearing it at the time.

Owner: What color is it?
Me: Red.
Owner: I have lots of colors inside.
Me: I know, I saw the sign (pointing to the sign that says “More colors inside”!)
Owner: Come inside.
Me: I don’t need another one right now.
Owner: Come inside.
Me: [Thinking there is some non-zero danger of being recruited for something] Another time.

The sign is still up.

Say what you will about this chap’s advertising prowess (or lack thereof), it’s still better than this or this.

Miss Heather

TONIGHT: Art At Champion Coffee

January 23, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

championsign

Tonight Champion Coffee will be having an art opening from 7:00 – 10:00 p.m. I have no word as to what the nature of the work will be but given how much I enjoyed their last show this will definitely be on my “to do” list! If you happen to be in the area why not give it a look-see?

Champion Coffee
1108 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Miss Heather

Our Long National Nightmare Is Over

January 20, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

bodhiandobama

Bodhi watched the inauguration with rapt interest. Artemis (the orange lump atop the television) could hardly have cared less.

I think he voted for McCain.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: WHAT IS THIS?

December 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic 

Okay. This conglomeration of stuff (from Guernsey Street) is nothing new. It has been around as long as I can remember (eight years). Initially I thought it was a trellis for roses. In the absence of such greenery, however, I am beginning to have my doubts.

Whatever it is it has gotten larger over the years. Much larger.

I would also be remiss if I didn’t point out that (as a sculptor) I find the assortment of media pressed into service to create this structure diabolically resourceful. Among the items I can clearly identify as components are part(s) of a bunk bed, an ironing board, a shoe rack, several mops, a baker’s rack, a chandelier and a couple of curtain rods. But back to the purpose of this post: what is this? Anyone out there know the scoop? If so, please share.

Miss Heather

UPDATE, 4:30 p.m.: We have an answer! (See comments)

READ THIS FIRST

December 21, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Crazy People, Greenpoint Magic 

(Or some strangeness from the junk shop).

Yesterday The Thing had a customer with a most interesting request. He was seeking a thoroughly craptastic gift for five dollars or less. It was for his brother in law. I had honestly never given the matter any thought, but the good ol’ junk shop is an excellent place to purchase gifts for that not-so-special-someone: amongst all the treasure to be found are some items if, not outrightly repulsive, are downright odd. Yesterday proved to be no exception. I found an ancient, rusted out vaporizer, we agreed on the asking price of one whole dollar and our intrepid brother in law was on his merry way.

On that note I would like to share a couple choice discoveries I made at The Thing yesterday while rustling amongst the boxes (UPON BOXES) that were delivered recently. Enjoy!

1. One Bag of Floppy Disks With A Most Mysterious Note

I happened upon the note first.

This was a good thing as it enabled me to follow the author’s instructions to the letter. Let’s see what were are to read first, shall we? It looks pretty important.

Whoa dude! It’s one thing to toy with man’s life but his son’s puberty as well?!? As it would happen the Mister possesses a floppy disk reader. Guess what we will be doing this Christmas holiday? I can hardly wait.

Next up, I remember my parents telling that my Kindergarten class held a mock election in the aftermath of the Watergate scandal. Amusingly enough, my none-too-politically-aware classmates voted unanimously for Tricky Dick. I suppose that’s to be expected from a bunch of five year olds, but what about a grown adult who sees fit to erect a shrine to the man whose middle name is Milhous? Yup, you just read me correctly.

2. The Richard Milhous Nixon Shrine To Freedom

Methinks this will have to be made into a postcard. Or something. Ideas anyone?

Miss Heather

Urban Artifacts Du Jour: Greenpoint Vs. The Southside

December 15, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Anyone who lives in North Brooklyn will tell you its streets are a treasure trove of interesting stuff. Just take this splendid example from Huron Street.

No, I am not talking about the discarded copy of Harlan Coben’s Gone For Good my intrepid Greenpointers. It is of the wooden box I write!

I didn’t know our fair city did curbside recycling for ordnance. Before you grab your respective telephones and get your Department of Homeland Security on dear readers be advised that there were no explosive projectiles in this container: only a few scraps from a metal frame.

Alas, there will be no revolution in the Garden Spot. Or it has already begun. In which case I suppose there really isn’t much we can do about it except wait for Big Bertha to be rolled out by the Greenpoint People’s Liberation Army (or some similarly guerilla-ish sounding movement).

Greenpoint never ceases to amaze me with its little surprises. After finding the above item I (foolishly) thought to myself:

It’s not going to get any more interesting than this.

Then I sojourned down to South 3rd Street and was proven wrong. Very wrong.

Even though this smiling little fella was unceremoniously crammed into a bucket of grout I knew what laid before me.

Behold the Southside inflatable schlong! In keeping with my mission to save the world’s (or at least Brooklyn’s) stray adult novelty population* I promptly snatched this little critter up and (being all too aware of the possible risk of bringing some unwanted friends home) I (as I have done with all penises I have brought home before) subjected him to a rigorous inspection. He passed with flying colors and we headed home.

A rather elderly Orthodox gentleman didn’t seem to be very pleased when I hopped on board with my new, 24″ (deflated— but circumsized!) friend. But that’s what I love about America; he can worship in the manner his conscious suits him without fear of persecution and I can ride the B61 with an inflatable penis.

I’m not too sure what I am going to do with my new penis other than give him a thorough soaking in a solution of 3 parts water and one part Clorox. After which I will probably introduce him to the “the girls“. Slowly. I suspect they’ll get along smashingly.

Miss Heather

*I was recently given a new batch of abandoned marital aids in need of rehabiliation and some TLC. Stay tuned!

Boobification Photo Du Jour: Seizure Time Bowl

December 7, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Asshole 

Arguing. That’s what the Mister and I did yesterday. First it was where to eat. Next it was how to get there. Then it was taking a cab versus subway to meet my friend for her birthday soiree at the Leisure Time* bowling alley in the bowels of the Port Authority. We took a cab and I lost my cell phone. Nonetheless I still had a good time.

DO NOT CROSS FOUL LINE!
Conditioner beyond the foul line is slippery. Report abnormal
conditions to the front desk person.

Indeed.

Miss Heather

*Where one person in our party was nearly given the Midnight Express treatment for smuggling in a bag of pretzels. I am not kidding.

Brooklyn Photo du Jour: Alphabet City

December 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

From Smith Street.

Miss Heather

Reader Contribution Du Jour: 86’d

December 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Bay Ridge Guido (the taker of the above photograph) writes:

I thought that you’d like to see this. I took it yesterday, a rainy Sunday afternoon on East 73rd and 3rd Ave. (SW corner) Manhattan. It sort of saddened me and made me feel a little shitty. Looks like someone said “Fuck It!” and just chucked their dream(s) into the garbage.

Great blog you got going. I love it. Don’t stop, and remember; Stay
true to your dreams.

Great find Guido (and thanks for the kind words)! You can see more great photographs (for the record the ones of Chinatown are among my faves) by this gentleman by checking out his flickr page.

Miss Heather

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