Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Anyone want some really cute kittens?
Filed under: Area 51
Go down to Bushwick and get you some.
Really.
Cute.
Kittens.
“Jenblossom” writes:
Hi Miss Heather – my friend suggested I contact you to see if some of your kitty-placement mojo might rub off.
We’ve got a wonderful, sweet stray girl kitty (“Stumpy”) who has hung out in our yard and the ones around it since we moved to Bushwick a few years ago. We give her food and water and loads of affection, and she has really become an awesome cat. She has been pregnant many times, but this last time around we have actually gotten to meet her litter of four. They have spent some time in our yard and are currently living under our next door neighbor’s deck. It’s an enclosed and pretty safe space for them, but we are trying very hard to find them permanent homes. Stumpy is still nursing them, but they’re at an age where they should be ready for solid food soon. And obviously, as they grow and get stronger, they will be able to escape their current living conditions and might end up who knows where. We don’t want to add to the out of control stray population here in our corner of Bushwick, so we are really trying hard to place them soon.
Another problem, which just became evident today, is that mama appears to be pregnant again. Which means we can’t get her spayed and adopted out along with her babies as we had hoped to, AND we are looking at more kittens to place.
We love cats, and wish we could take them in, but we have two five year old cats with their own chronic health issues. We’re still digging out from our boy cat’s week in the hospital last October, so taking on a new cat is not an ideal situation for us. We love BARC but we are very aware that they’re overwhelmed with animals in need, and we don’t assume that there’s a place for Stumpy and her kittens there. (I think I remember that they don’t even take pregnant cats).
You seem to have had good luck getting the word out about little creatures who need good homes. My husband and I have circulated fliers at our respective offices, to friends and on message boards, but we have few leads at this time. We figure we’ve only got another week or two before the kittens are in real danger of wandering off. Any kitten pimping you could do would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks so much.
Be sure to check out Jenblossom‘s other photos of these adorable kittens here.
Miss Heather
McGolrick Park Revisited
Earlier this week I found myself in the unfortunate position of having to patronize the McGolrick Park women’s bathroom. I had to wait behind two mothers who saw fit to accompany their school-aged daughters as they did #1. When it was my turn I discovered the reason for their otherwise strange behavior.
Fortunately for me, I had sufficient “internal pressure” to render peeing standing up plausible. I didn’t bother flushing the toilet. Would you try to negotiate the above piss-laden toilet paper death gauntlet? I didn’t think so.
Ironically enough, there is a sign posted on the building which houses this public lavatory admonishing park patrons not to leave their doggie doo on the “floor”. Before using the above toilet I found Hasam’s choice of words amusing; afterwards it made complete sense. The only contructive criticism I have to offer is he failed to mention hominids pissing on the floor (toilet, walls, etc.). Perhaps the aforementioned practices are acceptable?
If you ask me, the people who deserve a $1,000 fine are:
- The person(s) who rendered this bathroom into such a deplorable state. Maybe it was this guy?
- The parks employees who have seen fit to let it remain like this.
In all seriousness folks, this is inexcusable.
Miss Heather
Late night ego surfing is a very dangerous thing
Filed under: Area 51
Report about Tuessday May 29 (Week 2, day 5) part 1
…After this Mistress gave me another strange picture to edge to, this time it was the picture of a bitch bull mastiff (a dog). At first i couldn’t get anything done either, but after trying really hard i managed to edge to it. When i informed Mistress Andrea she had me tell everybody what i had edged to.
Now Minx linked me a picture to edge to, it was a picture of a pile of shit. I tried to do as told, but this imaged was such a turn off that i couldn’t do it. When i informed Minx of my failure she was upset about it, but gave me another picture to use.
This was another gross picture (Warning, this is a seriously nasty picture. —Ed. Note) but i didn’t want to upset Minx again. So i tried real hard and finally i seemed to get something done. i don’t know how i managed, but i managed to edge to it. After this edge Mistress Andrea gave me one last picture to edge to. This was a picture of a bound woman who was tied upside down on a chair while getting caned upon her feet. This was a nice picture to use. After this she gave me my instructions for the rest of the day:
1. Post my reports.
2. Make an apology to Minx
3. Take the box of tampons i b(r)ought to work and leave them in sight in my car
You know you have really arrived when your web site gets this kind of publicity. I wonder if this has ever happened to Brownstoner? Maybe I should ask him. I do have to question this mistress’s credentials, though. If I was to select a poopy picture for the above purpose it would have been this one.
Miss Heather
What’s Cooking in the Garden Spot
Filed under: Area 51
Today I realized that there are a number of nifty things going on in my ‘nabe that I have failed to mention. Here they are.
Cafecito
Starting this weekend Cafecito will be selling fruit ices, juices, punch and mint limeade every Saturday and Sunday.
I tried their limeade today and it was fantastic! Tart, with just a hint of sweetness. Give it a shot, I doubt you’ll regret it. I have also heard their hot chocolate is wonderful, though this may not be the season for it.
Cafecito
1015 Manhattan Avenue (between Huron and Green Street)
Brooklyn, NY 11222
Casa Mon Amour
Few people seem to know that Casa Mon Amour hosts an evening of French cuisine each month. This month’s offering is French Provincial, my personal favorite. Those of you who are interested can R.S.V.P. via the above phone number. Caveat: best to do so sooner rather than later, they get booked pretty fast.
Pets on the Run & City Dog Lounge
It looks like north Greenpoint is going to get its first pet supply soon. I have no other details save that this store will be located at 989 Manhattan Avenue (between Huron and India Street).
That said, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the City Dog Lounge (located in Long Island City) does deliver to Greenpoint. My husband and I have purchased our cat food (and of course, cat litter) from here for some time. The proprietress, Hanna, came come off as being brusque but don’t let that put you off; she’s actually a very nice person. More importantly, she is painstakingly punctual when it comes to making deliveries. All you need to do is go there, set up an account and you’re good to go.
City Dog Lounge
(718) 707-3027
529 50th Avenue
Long Island City, NY 11101
ALTER
They will be having a champagne party tomorrow from 12:00 p.m. through 5:00 p.m. Per their invitation:
Hello Alter friends & family!
Summer time is officialy here! That calls for a party. Come down to Alter this Sunday, June 10th from 12-5 PM for some free champagne, lots of great new mechandise, and recently marked down Spring attire. Check out our blog at: http://www.alterbrooklyn.com to see our mention in the most recent TIME OUT NY. They did a fab article about Greenpoint. Alter is also reviewed in this months issue of PAPER Magazine, yee-haw!
Hope to see you all on Sunday.All our best,
Roy & Tommy
Yeah, I disagree with their opinion of TONY‘s article(s), but they’re amazingly talented and very nice chaps nonetheless.
ALTER
109 Franklin Street @ Greenpoint Ave.
Brooklyn, NY 11222
718-784-8818
Forgotten-NY
Sunday, June 10th, is also when Forgotten-NY will conduct it’s 30th tour right here in Greenpoint. You can get all the deets here.
Miss Heather
Would you rent a studio from this man?
Anyone out there looking for some affordable studio space, listen up! I found something today that might be of interest to you.
$650 for 400 square feet of space and eastern exposure? Not bad! But you know, the name “fluxusreadymade” sounds familiar to me. I think I came across it a few months ago…
Oh, that’s where I found it— in my very own inbox! Silly me.
I find it pretty amusing that the very person who sent me this nastygram may very well be a landlord. Of course, this newfound and very fascinating piece of information would have gone unnoticed had Bert bothered to take his own advice, e.g.; don’t shit where you eat.
Can you imagine what it must be like to be this guy’s tenant— or worse yet, his ROOMMATE? Whatever you do, for god’s sake don’t drink the man’s milk! He’ll probably go postal.
Yikes.
Miss Heather
So it goes at Chateau de Ghetto
Filed under: Area 51
Have you ever wondered about what happens when your landlord doesn’t pay his electricity bill? You get a letter in a rather mean looking envelope telling you about it. I know this because I got just one such letter yesterday.
I thought it was very thoughtful of Con Ed to suggest that I can apply for service in my name or pay my landlord’s balance for him. I actually considered doing the latter, but then I realized $189.09 is a lot of money to a schmo like me. Unlike my landlord, I do not own a chain of laundromats in Manhattan. I guess June 17th I’ll find out what will happen next. Given that this building has gone without electricity before and we once went without hot water for an entire week, the prognosis isn’t looking good.
Miss Heather
P.S.: Con Ed also sent a letter to the Superintendent of our building. He saw fit to return it sender.
Lost
I saw this flyer on Greenpoint Avenue last weekend. Given that I have seen chickens and a goat here, I had a hard time feeling 100% certain that this was a joke. I later deduced that it was, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I found someone losing a pet rat and putting up flyers about it to be plausible. In Greenpoint it is, anyway.
Miss Heather
Believed to be insane
I am certain a number of you have read that laughably bad series of articles about Greenpoint in Time Out New York. I have done so repeatedly because the neighborhood they wrote about sure as fuck isn’t Greenpoint. And I should know, I fucking live here. The following quote from their real estate feature almost gave me an aneurysm.
Rentals run between $800 and $1,000 for a studio, and $900 and $1,200 for a one-bedroom. You just need to know where to look: Check real-estate listings in the Greenpoint Gazette and Greenpoint Star, and tenants wanted signs in the windows of Polish-run businesses, or try local broker Eve Levine (347-XXX-XXXX).
What the fuck were the editors smoking when they decided to publish this? I wonder if Eve gave it to them, because it must be some seriously good shit. Not like the schwag my neighbors usually smoke. That’s all they can afford after paying exorbitantly high rent each and every month.
It has also been my observation that most of the apartments advertised in the Greenpoint Gazette and the Greenpoint Star are listed by brokers. Many of the “for rent” signs I see here are written in Polish —which makes sense given they are usually placed in the windows of Polish businesses. Why does it not surprise me that Eve “Homebuying for Hipsters” Levine, an agent herself, didn’t see fit to mention any of the previous? It would be bad for business, that’s why. After a horde of gullible miscreats tries (and fails) to locate these unbelievably inexpensive apartments they will give Eve a call. And she will be more than happy to help them, for a fee.
Seriously, the days of getting a $800/month rent for studio apartment in Greenpoint are long gone. When I moved here over seven years ago my first (studio) apartment cost me $850 a month. Although it was very spacious, it was hardly a palace: I had part of my kitchen ceiling collapse, had intermittent hot water and once went 10 days without electricity.
I had a crackhead as a neighbor. The hallways of my building reeked of crack and the stench of stale shit. This crackalicious chap also happened to be the Superintendent’s brother, which really sucked. In a nutshell, I lived in a total and utter shithole. I can only imagine what $800 a month will get you now. Maybe a coop at Josh Guttman’s Chicken Ranch, a room at the ever popular Greenpoint Hotel or a Port-O-Let immediately come to mind.
Ms. Levine’s assertion that $900-$1,200 was the going rent for one bedroom struck me as being even more dubious. I have lived in the same one bedroom RENT STABILIZED apartment for over five years. When I moved in my rent was $1,200 a month. Not anymore!
I don’t know where you got your information from, TONY. Were the whoppers you published the result of graft or were they wrested out your ASS?* Either way, it’s a load of shit. Which brings me to today’s offering of Greenpoint historic hooliganism. This one dates from the November 23, 1899 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle and is entitled “Believed To Be Insane”. Enjoy!
Young Man Found Wading in Whale Creek in Greenpoint
“I am a reporter and I have been assigned on a story by a Manhattan newspaper to Greenpoint” said Archie Harvey, a wild-eyed looking young man to Magistrate Lemon in the Manhattan Avenue police court today when he was arraigned on a charge of vagrancy. The Magistrate looked at the reporters and then at the magistrate a second time.
“I repeat that I am a reporter assigned by the New York Herald to write a story in Greenpoint,” the prisoner said. “I get $25,000 a day and give my mother $1,000 a minute.”
Magistrate Lemon committed Harvey for examination into his sanity. The young man gave his address as 148 East Forty-fourth Street, Manhattan. He was arrested on a charge of vagrancy last evening while he was wading in Whale Creek at the foot of Eagle Street, Greenpoint. He wore neither hat, coat nor shoes and appeared to be in search of something.
I’m not surprised the judge didn’t believe Mr. Harvey’s story. Everyone knows that there is no way in hell an actual print reporter (from Manhattan, no less) would set foot in our humble ‘hood. They let the local real estate brokers and developers ghostwrite/edit their articles for them. Everyone around here knows that, even the Dog Shit Queen of Greenpoint.
Miss Heather
*And to think that I actually looked forward to their “Cheap Eats” issue. Whores. No worries, I am currently in talks with NFT about doing a little writing for them. If this comes to pass people will hear the REAL DEAL about what’s shaking in Greenpoint. From someone who actually lives here and provides a measure of “local resistance” to Magic Johnson’s early morning wake-up calls and apparent disregard public safety, no less.
Hey Williamsburg, it’s time to get ILL!
Filed under: Area 51
As you may or may not be aware, I am on a quest to locate and document every Belvedere building the blights Brooklyn’s streets. Well, I regret to inform you that my “Meet the Belvederes” map will be offline temporarily. This is because I have to replace it with one that covers a larger geographical area.
I found this, Belvederve IIILL, at 135 North 9th Street yesterday. Don’t believe me? Well here’s a close-up of the sign, read it for yourself.
Why the long face, my cooler-than-thou ‘nabes to the south? One wee widdle Belvedere won’t hurt you. If it’s any consolation, their construction practices are much better than their ability to spell or use Roman numerals. Not that this is really saying much, mind you.
Miss Heather
P.S.: Come to think of it, I should donate a learning tool I found in front of P.S. 34 recently to these folks.
.
Although it looks really neat in my living room, I think they could really use it.
Posting Comments: A Primer
It has come to my attention that people seeking to comment on this site (some naughty, some nice) are confused about how the process works. Here it is:
- I require registration.
- I approve each and every comment before it gets posted. I am selective in my censorship and only weed out spam comments.
- Since my work/social/fecal schedule can be hectic, occasionally time will elapse before I get around to sorting the shit from the Shinola, so to speak. Please be patient.
The previous having been said, here are a few more thoughts I have on this topic…
The increased traffic my blog has received of late has netted a commensurate increase in the number of comments I have to moderate. On the one hand I am very happy that New York Shitty appears to be providing a forum for my fellow Greenpointers to shoot the shit and discuss local affairs. The previous has been sorely lacking in this ‘nabe for far too long On the other, I’ve had a number of wiseasses attempt to insult me.
Here’s an example posted by “Deathgod99” (it makes me wonder what Deathgod 1-98 are like. Maybe he is in his Mayan phase?— Ed. Note.) regarding this post:
How are you sure you don’t shit like a dog? Canny coincidence
Because I shit in a toilet (unless I have food poisoning— in which case anything goes), use toilet paper and have enough book learnin’ to know that “canny coincidence” is semantically incorrect. Which brings me to a few tips for those who wish to diss the Queen of Piss:
- I worked in corporate America for over ten years.
- During this tenure of working a “real” job I endured abuse and degradation the likes of which you are incapable of doling out.
- If you are going to post a comment of contrarian nature, please do not use ten dollar words unless you know how to use them because…
- I will make light of it.
- I take tremendous pride being the Dog Shit Queen of Greenpoint. I hold court over the piles of shit (canine, human and otherwise) in a neighborhood that no ones seems to give a shit about: Greenpoint. Speculators building obscenely huge condominium buildings in the hopes of making a fast buck that take the pissant fines doled out by the (woefully under-staffed and decidely corrupt) Department of Buildings as a business expense notwithstanding.
I may very well shit like a dog, but at least I don’t lick it up. The word on the street is that someone on Diamond Street has a palate for poo.
Miss Heather
NYS Flickr Pool
