Conan the Astorian

As I indicated in this post, I was very disappointed with the fecal offerings to be found during my latest trip to Astoria. Yesterday I decided to make a return visit and not come home until I found the perfect pile of poop for my latest project. After schlepping for over two hours my shit quest came to an end at the intersection of 30th Drive and 12 Street.

Realizing time was of the essence, I quickly went to work.

All in all, I was pleased with my creation.

Very, very pleased.

Miss Heather

A Few Upcoming Events This Week

Here’s a round-up of events of interest to cat lovers, Brooklyn enthusiasts and foodies.

The Brooklynites

This evening at 7:30 p.m. Word Books will be hosting a book signing and slide-show presentation of The Brooklynites, a collection of Brooklyn-centric photographs by Seth Kushner and stories by Anthony LaSala. Featuring 206 images, the book charts a course from Bensonhurst to Bedford-Stuyvesant, and captures such borough notables as Jonathan Lethem, Spike Lee and Matisyahu. I have seen this project online— and even though it does not feature yours truly (which I am certain is due to a big misunderstanding), I have to say it is rather impressive. The non-celebrities featured are by far the most interesting. Give this event a whirl and see for yourself.

Word Books
126 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 383-0096

Brooklyn Kitchen’s First Birthday Celebration and Bodega Challenge

November 7th, Brooklyn Kitchen will be celebrating its first birthday at Union Pool with the Bodega Challenge. Per the Brooklyn Kitchen web site, if you bring a cake you will receive a 10% discount for the entire month of November (or what’s left of it, anyway). Either way it’s a pretty sweet deal.

Those of you who are curious about the Bodega Challenge can read a nice article about it by clicking here or peruse the rules and regulations at the Brooklyn Kitchen’s web site.

This event sounds really cool. I considered entering it but what I prepare for Thanksgiving dinner at Chateau de Ghetto is more than a little unconventional: a phat spread of Mexican food including the best damned chile rellenos on the east coast. In my infinite humility (READ: laziness) I have decided to let someone else have a shot at winning this contest.

Union Pool
484 Union Ave (Subway: L to Lorimer, G to Metropolitan)
Brooklyn, New York 11211
(718) 609-0484

Slope Street Cats Fall Feral Fund Raiser

This Saturday, November 10th, Slope Street Cats will be hosting a fund raiser at Ripple Bar in Prospect Heights. Here are the deets per Slope Street Cats web site:

Join your favorite cat ladies (and a few cat guys) for a night of food, drink, and fun—all to benefit Brooklyn’s feral felines! Your ticket includes one drink, buffet-style finger food, and automatic entry for a door prize.

Raffle and silent auction prizes courtesy of:

• Area Spa
• Bird
• Natural Heights
• Sweet Charity
• …and much more!

Tickets for this event cost $25.00 and can be purchased online.

Ripple Bar
769 Washington Ave (between Sterling & St. John’s Place)
Brooklyn, New York 11238 (Subway: 2/3 to Eastern Parkway, or 4 to Franklin)
(718) 230-4514

And that’s all she wrote!

Miss Heather

Hi Ho! Hi Ho! And Off To The Dog House I Go!

As I was parsing through the brain-numbing labyrinth that is the Department of Building’s record keeping for 30-03 Newtown Avenue last night, I decided to get a glass of wine. Since a bottle was not open, I went into the closet and grabbed me one. Big mistake.

In the two years we have been married my husband has never, ever, left me a nasty note. (And take my word for it, the tone of this note is SUPER PISSED in Mr. Heatherese.)

So off to the dog house I go. Since Mr. Heather spends a fair amount of time in the aforementioned domicile, it is only fair that I take my turn.

Sorry.

Miss Heather

Dog Card Credit: Hallmark. This is the card we received from my mother in law for our second anniversary. We were married on Halloween, lest any of you happen to be wondering. Here’s to 30-40 more years of finding new and innovative ways to Mr. Heather insane!

Something Sinister On India Street

This following email is how I started my day today. It is entitled “114 India Street” and reads as follows:

1) Giant, fairly well-constructed fence. It went up Sunday evening. Work is being done behind it.

2) Sinister, typed note/poem tacked to said fence, sometime over the weekend. I read this and it gave me the creeps.

Check it out if you’re feeling curious.

Well, I got curious and checked it out. Sure enough, there was a crew working there and a poem was posted on the fence. Here it is.

I thought Maggie Moos shut down for good. I didn’t realize they were relocating to Greenpoint. Or maybe this will be the site for Belvedere 666? Who knows… but I am looking forward to finding out!

Miss Heather

Miss Heather Goes To Astoria

Last night Mr. Heather and I went to Astoria to dine with the brains (and brawn) behind Bucketman. We had a most enjoyable evening. I hope they did as well.

Many of you probably don’t know I once lived in Astoria. Back in 1998 I lived in an illegal basement apartment for a measly $550 a month (all bills paid!). I am certain such sweet deals (like the one I had) have gone the way of the $850 studio in the Garden Spot. But I digress.

My memories of Astoria are by and large fond ones. In the fuzzy clarity that is my Greenpoint hindsight, I remember it as being a nice family-oriented neighborhood with killer produce stands. My reasons for leaving were purely personal (READ: financial).

As you can imagine I was very curious to see how my old stomping grounds look in 2007. To this end I arrived early so I could walk around and see what’s cooking. What I saw was still more or less recognizable despite rampant construction and destruction. There were still lots of children at play whose parents laughed while watching them and gaggles of old coots staring at me like I have eight heads (and for the record, I don’t— I only let them out for special occasions like office parties and bar mitzvahs).

I searched in vain for a pile of poo that could compete with Greenpoint’s gargantuan doggie dumplings, but none were to be found. Just an anemic nugget here or there, little more. In a fit of poop induced pique, I pointed this out to Mr. Heather and he sagely reminded me:

This is a classier neighborhood, Heather.

How very true. Even the demolition sites have a certain genteel, down-home feel to them.

CASE IN POINT: 30-03 Newtown Avenue, a modest two story structure in the process of being demolished.

Some of you might have noticed that part of the roof is missing. Some sourpuss complained that fine folks at First Class Wrecking didn’t have a permit to remove it. The fact is they do. I am certain it was all a big misunderstanding. Besides, with a door as warm and inviting as this one— a door of superior quality to the ones which grace most of the crappy condos I see here in Greenpoint nowadays, I would like to add— I am certain he (or she) won’t hold a grudge. Unlike many of the first class wrecks I have seen in Greenpoint, this one has a first class door to go with it!

Am I experiencing demolition envy? It is entirely possible. Especially given the painfully polite note affixed to this door. It is a veritable Amy Vanderbilt of construction-related communiques.

Isn’t it nice of them to advise employees (and would be trespassers) to lock up when they leave? Given this house (deceased) received two complaints about being illegally converted into a SRO*, I suppose it makes sense. As Motel 6 likes to say:

We’ll leave the lights on for you.

Miss Heather

*And much, much more.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

The answer would be “to get to Red Hook and depreciate property values” if you were listening to NPR this morning. The show in question was Weekend Sunday Edition and what I heard was a gem of a quote from a Park Slope real estate agent maligning people who raise chickens in their backyard:

…What family in their right mind wants to buy a two million dollar house next to a chicken farm? You know, you think of chickens you think of some god forsaken place, upstate New York or some other country, not Brooklyn.

I’ll be upfront: I detest chickens. The previous having been said, I think the “boutique” rearing of chickens is a wonderful alternative to factory farming. Besides, if it is being conducted on private property in accordance to the laws of the City of New York you can’t do anything about it anyway.

Personal politics aside, I cannot help but wonder how upstate New Yorkers felt about having their stomping grounds referred to as “some god forsaken place”? I doubt they liked it very much. Hopefully one of them will see fit to give this chap (or his supervisor) a ring and make his (or her) feelings known.

On that note I have to run now. I need to go to Noble Street and buy me some chickens.*

Miss Heather

*In all seriousness folks, give this story a listen. Contained therein is a morsel of Park Slope arrogance at its very finest. It is not the purpose of this blog to take regular pot shots at Park Slope, but sometimes they make it so damned easy it is impossible for me to let the opportunity slip by.

Tonight at East Coast Aliens

East Coast Aliens’s fall movie season continues tonight with the 1953 winner of the Cannes Film Festival The Wages of Fear. Here is a brief synopsis of the film from the fine folks at East Coast Aliens:

In the South American jungle supplies of nitroglycerin are needed at a remote oil field. The oil company pays four men to deliver the supplies in two trucks. A tense rivalry develops between the two sets of drivers on the rough remote roads where the slightest jolt can result in death.

The acting is superb: handsome young Yves Montand’s Mario, a Parisian gangster on the run from who-knows-what, maintains is Gallic savoir-faire. His compatriot , Charles Vanel, is Jo, an older, more burnt-out wiseguy, but still full of macho moxie.

Director Clouzot squeezes unbearable tension out of nearly every scene.
The stripped-down existentialism of the characters, the starkness of their shared dilemma, the grim and grimy scenery, and the superb black-and-white cinematography cannot fail to hold your attention.

This is real 16 millimeter film folks, not video! Doors open at 8:30 p.m. The price of admission is not indicated, but it usually runs either $6.00 or $10.00 per person.

East Coast Aliens
216 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 514-7625
www.eastcoastaliens.com

Even if this movie does not interest you, do check out their calendar of upcoming events. A trio of Robert Altman films (including the incomparable M.A.S.H.*) are slated for next month and Life of Brian will be screened on Christmas Eve!

Miss Heather

*This isn’t Alan Alda’s M.A.S.H., kiddos. This is one of the most darkly hilarious and mean spirited films I have ever seen. They don’t make ’em like this anymore. Two words: WATCH IT.

Halloween’s Over

… FREAK!

Today I had the previous epithet shouted at me. TWICE. By the same person, no less. As you can probably imagine, I had a few things to say about this (sorry attempt at an) insult. My thanking him for calling me an asshole (because he was clearly an expert in the field) really seemed to confuse him. If you can’t take the heat get the fuck outta the kitchen.

Unfortunately, in the heat of battle I forgot to point out the obvious: in Greenpoint every day is Halloween. Take the flyer I found in the window of Kam Loon Chinese Restaurant after my encounter with the aforementioned asshole, for example.

We’ve been so busy sitting on our asses it’s Halloween of 2004 here!

Miss Heather

P.S.: On an unrelated (and decidedly more upbeat) note, check out the pictures from District Dog’s Halloween party last week. They’re very cute.

Cake and Cocktails at Casa Mon Amour Tonight!

I am pleased to announce that today, November 1, is Casa Mon Amour’s first second birthday! Follows is the 411 as to what Beatrice has cooked up in the way of festivities tonight:

Join us for cocktail and a slice of cake on Thursday November 1st after 7 pm to celebrate the second anniversary of Casa Mon Amour.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your business and kind support for the past two years, we would not be here without you.

Casa Mon Amour
162 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 349-1529

Be there or be square!

Miss Heather