Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Hard Hat Hannah Speaks (Sort Of)
Filed under: Area 51
As I indicated in this post, anyone wishing to contact Hard Hat Hannah, New York City’s littlest building inspector, can do so here at New York Shitty —and the missives are slowly trickling in. This morning I relayed incoming emails and comments to Hannah and she would like to thank everyone for their gracious outpouring of support:
…Will we be seeing more of Hannah on NYS? I sure hope so.
She should be the new Commissioner!
…May she show up at as many of these shitholes as her little feet (?) will allow, and I hope she becomes as well-known, and as ubiquitous as, the giant rat that haunts anti-union sites. I hereby announce the formation of the first 3H Club. Hard Hat Hannah for Mayor in 2009!
Being the dedicated civil servant she is, Hannah is not the kind of lady to sit on her laurels. If for no other reason, because she has no laurels to sit upon. Today she is going “in the field” to see what’s shaking (hopefully they will not be buildings). Since I am her attache, this means today’s offerings on New York Shitty will be delayed.
Those wishing to contact Hannah in the meantime can do so via comments or by shooting me an email. All tips will remain anonymous unless indicated otherwise.
Thanks!
Hannah & Miss Heather
Rescued Bodega Cat Needs A Home
Filed under: Area 51
I learned about this handsome little guy from my friend Eva101. She writes:
This poor thing worked in a grocery store. The owners kept him in a cage most of the time. They did not feed him because they thought that he won’t catch mice if they did… A friend rescued him but she has 2 cats and a puppy and can’t keep him. Despite his rough life so far, he is playful and sweet. He is probably 6 months old. Please spread the word. Even a foster home would help for now.
I know of a number of bodegas here in Greenpoint which have cats. None of them would treat an animal like this. To starve an animal in the hope he would become be a better mouser is disgusting.
Although he appears not to have a name, I have taken to calling him Vito. This is because I watched The Godfather last weekend and think it to be an excellent name for a cat.
Besides, for all his faults Don Corleone was nice to his kitty cat. The above feline was a valued member of “the family”.
Anyone who wishes to give this consigliere with claws a “family” where he will be treated with the respect he deserves can contact Eva by clicking here. Vito will make you an offer you can’t refuse: love and loyalty for life.
Miss Heather
Photos of Vito (the four legged one, that is) courtesy of Eva101.
UPDATE 12/18/07: I have gotten word from Eva that someone has stepped forward to give Vito a home. Those of you who are still interested in adopting a kitty this holiday season should click here and make the acquaintance of some lovely little ladies who will be ready to adopt very soon— or if you prefer toms, here is a winsome pair of brothers who are ready to go to a loving home today!
Cutting Karl Fischer’s Krap
I recently checked out a post on Brownstoner announcing yet another piece of Karl Fischer crap slated to blight north Brooklyn:
A visit to the Karl Fischer website never disappoints! In our most recent fly-by, we noticed that the ubiquitous architect has a new rendering posted of a 26,000-square-foot, 18-unit glass box that’s slated for the southwest corner of Bedford Avenue and South 4th Street in Williamsburg.
What will this forthcoming masterpiece look like you, ask? Well, here it is.
True to form, it is a drab— if conspicuously short— slab of Post Modernist shit. Naturally, the lack of height was not lost one Brownstoner commenter:
Ridiculously small building for an area so close to Manhattan. My god, even Mayor Bloomberg’s townhouse is taller than this thing.
It looks alright, but it should be twice as large, at least.
WRONG!
Keeping this building diminutive is the only means I can think of to mitigate its hideousness. And contrary to what Karl Fischer said in this article, all his buildings have one overriding quality in common: they are uglier than homemade sin.
That’s what makes parts of Brooklyn so special. You have all of these rowhouses, townhouses, smaller-scale developments, more neighborhood-friendly developments. You have more open space. The quality of life in this way is going to be preserved in Brooklyn.
– Karl Fischer
Am I the only person who has trouble reconciling the aforementioned quote with the “deeds” of its author? 130 Diamond Street is, most assuredly, neither “smaller scale” nor “neighborhood friendly”. It is a gangrene-colored six story eyesore blighting what was once a quaint block of two and three story rowhouses.
Why in god’s name would some pair this “brick work” with green sheet metal? This juxtaposition would make I.M. Pei roll in his grave.
If he was dead, that is. And dead he would be if forced to look at this pile of shit. Yes sir, when the construction fence finally comes down we Greenpointers are going to have one VERY UGLY BUILDING on our hands. An edifice which, until recently, reminded me of something but I just couldn’t place it. Until today.
Be sure to do a courtesy flush, Karl!
Miss Heather
120 S. 4th Street Photo Credit: Karl Fischer web site via Brownstoner.
The Crappy Man
Who can take a scorched house
Sprinkle it with spew
without posting any permits and make it look like a piece of poo?
Bridge Realty, that’s who!
Bridge Realty can
‘Cause they mix it with pre-fabricated love
and make Miss Heather say EW!
The guys at 209 1/2 Eckford may not be fond of posting permits, but clearly they are big fans of MorW.A.
Miss Heather
Guns & Butter
Once in a very, very blue moon I come across something so novel and creative that even I, a cynical art school graduate who once had the pleasure of teaching 20-somethings, am impressed. I mention this because lightening struck last weekend at Third Ward‘s holiday craft fair.
The nom de plume of the artist is Guns and Butter.
She sells “handmade love objects”.
Each comes with its own name (the above garter belt answers to “Licky Monuts”) and dirty talk instructions. After explaining to the incredibly high energy woman who creates these items that I am married (and thus, have ceased to give a shit) I settled upon purchasing a barrette.
It is named “Fuck nugs” and I am pleased to report that, as purported, “dirtytalk instructions” were featured inside the label. Not that I need them, mind you. I have found the phrase “fuck off” to be the perfect panacea for Mr. Heather.
Enjoy some dirty talk today and blossom into a comfortable and confident dirty talker tomorrow!
Indeed.
Anyone who is interested in purchasing one of these amazingly eccentric handmade items can contact the artist at:
gotamamama (at) gmail (dot) com
Stuff someone’s stocking with dirty talk today. Who knows, you might just get lucky tomorrow!
Miss “Fuck nugs” Heather
Way To Go, Pistilli Realty!
Filed under: Area 51
Remember the post I wrote last Thursday berating the deplorable conditions at the Astral? If not, here is an excerpt to jog your memory:
“…the Astral Apartments is the most perfect type of an apartment house in the world.”
Not anymore. That “playground†where children once played has become a dog shit smeared den of inequity for the Superintendent and his harem. So much for those “ample sanitary requirements†as well: mold growing on ceilings and an unabated bedbug infestation are two of the least sanitary things I can think of. Then again, could I honestly expect anything different from the fine minds who brought us this?
Well as irony would have it, Mr. Pistilli was honored by the Queens Chamber of Commerce for the above opus turd the very same day! Queens Crap writes:
Next time you are on this side of the Creek, pick up a copy of the Queens Gazette. It’s a real laugh riot.
This is not a joke. Click on the above image and read this piece of hilarity from the Queens Gazette for yourself.
Miss Heather
P.S.: On a (somewhat) related note, do check out the bedbug poetry over at Bedbuggers. Funny stuff.
Doublespeak or What The Fuck…
Filed under: Area 51
am I eating?!?
There are a number of reasons why I am a vegetarian. The above sign (from Devoe Street) is yet another one.
Miss Heather
Priceless
Filed under: Area 51
There has been much debate about America’s “Obesity Epidemic”. Some say you can be “fit and fat”. Others vehemently disagree.
All I’m saying is if you need a chair fortified with Rebar, it’s probably time to go on a diet.
Miss Heather
Coats, Scarves and Sock Monkeys, Oh My!
First off, I would like to thank the people who have contributed canned goods and coats to The Diamond Bar or the Greenpoint Reformed Church so far. Secondly, I would also like to make my fellow Greenpointers aware that Church of the Ascension is also accepting coats on the behalf of NY Cares. Here are the details per an email I received from the woman coordinating this drive, Nicole:
We have created a NY Cares Coat Drive drop-off at the Church of the Ascension in Greenpoint to make an easy nearby drop-spot for people who wish to donate coats to this good cause. It involves nothing more than people bringing by gently-used coats and they get a tax write-off and everyone feels good and people who need coats get them.
Drop offs can be made at the Java Street entrance to Ascension Hall (121 Java Street, between Manhattan Avenue and Franklin Street) at the following times:
SUNDAYS, 11:00am – 1:00pm
TUESDAYS, 4:30pm – 7:30pm
WEDNESDAYS, 4:30pm – 7:30pm
SATURDAYS, 10:00am – 12:30pm
Greenpoint Church of the Ascension
121 Java Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 389-3831
ascensionbrooklyn (at) gmail (dot) com
On a related note, I recently received an email from my friend Spring over at Love Keeps You Warm. She writes:
…all in all, we had about 200 scarves to contribute, and tons of yarn for next year! we’re going to keep accepting donations of yarn and scarves for next years baskets.
thanks!!!!
Anyone interested in contributing yarn or scarves should contact Diana via email at:
dprevitire (at) actorsequity (dot) org
Those are some great looking scarves, folks! Keep ’em coming.
Lastly, I would be remiss if I didn’t give another shout out to Fresh Art’s Sock Monkey Workshop. As it would happen, a New York Shitty commenter, papercut, gave it a whirl. She wrote:
I volunteered last night at Fresh Art thanks to your post and link. I had never made a sock monkey before and I fear addiction. What a fabulous group of women and organization. They were all curious how I heard about them and when I mentioned your blog everyone was very interested. I think you have a few more readers.
Who says doing something nice for others cannot be fun? Drop off a coat, knit a scarf or make a sock monkey today!
Miss Heather
Holiday Art Sales This Weekend
94 9 Street will be conducting their Holiday Art Sale this weekend, December 8 & 9, and next weekend, December 15 & 16, from 12:00 – 5:00 p.m. Twenty resident artists will have drawings, paintings, sculpture, photographs and jewelry for sale. All items will be priced at $500 or less, which for fine art is crazy cheap nowadays.
WHAT: 94 9 Street Holiday Art Sale
WHEN: December 8 & 9, December 15 & 16, 12:00 – 5:00 p.m.
WHERE: 94 9 Street, top floor, Brooklyn, New York 11215
HOW (to get there): Take the G or F to Smith and 9th Street or the R to 4th Avenue
You know, it has been some time since I have graced south Brooklyn with my presence. Methinks I will attend this event, buy a handmade goody or two and then take a little stroll in the Slope with my good buddy Chopper the Second.
Miss Heather
P.S.: Those of you looking for something a little closer to home should check out 3rd Ward’s Handmade Holiday Craft Fair and Open House tomorrow, December 8, 12:00 – 8:00 p.m. My buddy over at Greenpointers has the scoop about this way-cool event, you can read it here.
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