What To Do In Ridgewood

Yesterday the Mister and I planned to take photographs. I wanted to go to Bed-Stuy, he wanted to go somewhere “different”. In the spirit of compromise (and ever since I got married I have been nothing but compromised) I made a proposition:

Let’s go to Ridgewood and Bushwick.

And that is exactly where we went. Over eight years have elapsed since I have set foot in Ridgewood. I looked at an apartment there. It was very nice— perhaps a little too nice. $1,200 a month rent for such a beautiful and large apartment was indeed VERY tempting, but I couldn’t shake the feeling this neighborhood was simply not for me and I elected to live in Greenpoint instead.

Today, February 11, 2008, with eight plus years of experience under my belt I can tell you, dear readers, why I didn’t move to Ridgewood: it is boring. Really boring. Sure there is nifty architecture and a certain Archie Bunker-esque appeal to the place, but the endless chain stores and shitty food (How can someone fuck up a grilled cheese sandwich? If your inquiring mind wants to know, go to the diner at Seneca Avenue and Woodbine Street and find out!) left me wanting.

Thankfully I found ample entertainment at the intersection of Gates and Seneca Avenue: let’s look at the barbecued minivan!

Why not watch other people savor the sight (and toxic aroma) of this carcass of excess as well!

This must have been some conflagration.

It even blew out the window of the local check cashing establishment. Wow.

Miss Heather

Pa Heather Enjoys His Golden Years

I rarely write about my dear ol’ dad. One of the reasons for this lack of literary attention is respect for his privacy. That said, some shit is just too good NOT to pass along. Like an email I got from my mother earlier this week. She writes:

This is how I found your Dad’s bathroom this morning.

No explanation was provided and quite frankly none was needed. If this is any indication of what retirement is like I can hardly wait!

Miss Heather

*Yes, my father has his own bathroom. FOR VERY SOUND REASONS.

Can Anyone Out There Spare a Lexus…

a wife, an I-Pod, a credit card, the odd bank account or cell phone?

If so, please leave them in the designated box at intersection of 55th Street and Lexington Avenue so Mr. Kim, Mr. Kang, Mrs. Kang or Mr. Chang can pick them up.

Oh, and don’t bother leaving a Lexus unless it is an ivory LS 460L with full options and beige interior. Anything else would be, well, gauche.*

Miss Heather

*But a Rolls Royce “100 FX” might do in a pinch.

THIS WEEK: Found in Brooklyn

Today’s offerings on New York Shitty will, in all probability, be delayed. As is usually the case, there is a compelling reason:

The more eagle-eyed among you will notice I am a participant in this show. To this end today will be spent completing my submission. I won’t say what this item is but I’ll tell you one thing: the preliminary work has been done and it is shaping up to be quite something.

If your curiosity has been aroused (or you simply want to listen to some free music) check it out for yourself at this upcoming Saturday, February 2nd (AKA, Groundhog Day) at:

Freddy’s Bar & Backroom
485 Dean Street
Brooklyn, New York 11217
(718) 622-7035

On that note I am back to work!

Miss Heather

Have You Seen Samantha?

Yesterday afternoon I received a rather disquieting email from a woman in Windsor Terrace named Pam. She writes:

My apartment was broken into Wednesday afternoon and my beloved Maltese, Samantha was stolen. The thief came in through the fire escape and left through the front door. Although several bags and boxes throughout the apartment had been rifled through, the only thing missing is my dog and her carrier. Reports have been filed with the police, Animal Control, ASPCA and the Humane Society.

I’ve attached a flyer with her photo and pertinent information. Any help you can provide with posting this info would be greatly appreciated. If you have additional questions, my mobile number is 917-627-0292.

Thanks so much.

Best regards,

Pam

In my 30-odd years I have seen some really strange shit, but I have never heard of someone burglarizing an apartment to steal a dog. It just serves to prove two things I have suspected all along:

1. Human beings are pretty fucked up creatures.
2. Truth is infinitely stranger than fiction.

If anyone has seen Samantha please contact Pam at the above telephone number.

Thanks!

Miss Heather

UPDATE 1/31/08: Per The Gowanus Lounge, Samantha has been returned to her owner!

Photo du Jour: Ho May Kitchen

Although I have never eaten there, I love the Ho May Kitchen. This restaurant is located at the intersection of Woodpoint Road and Frost Street. Many of you who are reading this know the previous is a less than spectacular location. The fact they serve up vittles behind bullet proof glass bears testament to this fact.

Foodstuffs aside, I love the old school sign, years of accumulated grime, excessive use of brown paint and even the bullet proof glass. What this building lacks in class, it more than makes up for in character. Which brings me to the new sign I found on its store front recently.

Craptastic advertising or sarcasm? I am leaning towards the latter. Give ’em hell, Ho May!

Miss Heather

Miscellaneous Props

I have finally started the gradual overhaul/restructuring of my blog roll. Because this process is like watching paint dry to yours truly, I imagine it drag on for the next week. That said, I would like to point out a couple new additions and give a shout-out or two.

3rd Ward

I finally checked out this space in earnest during their holiday art fair last month. It is an impressive facility and I encourage anyone who needs a place to work, be it a place to fabricate visual art, a fully sound-proofed recording studio, a performance space or simply a quiet space to sit down and write to give to go down to 195 Morgan Avenue and see what they’ve got. Right now they are taking submissions for a solo show this upcoming spring. For more information click here and you’ll be redirected to their web site.

SELLOUT

Here’s the mission statement from its founder, Deborah Fisher:

SELLOUT is a practical blog about an impractical lifestyle.

Artists face all the problems the consumer citizenry faces. We eat and drink and drive and buy things. We need health care; battle 30% credit card interest and stupid little fees; are having a harder time getting a full return on a gently used power tool at Home Depot. We will retire or get sick one day. We hate to admit it, but sometimes we need jobs. And at the same time, we are all trying to pull off a career that makes our parents feel just a little sick with worry.

What does it mean to be an artist in this era of corporate feudalism? We may talk about that. But this blog will focus more on what it takes and how to do it better. Less painfully. With more dignity.

The premise for this blog is a very interesting one. I look forward to seeing how things develop.

Lastly, I received an email from my buddy (and fellow Greenpointer) at The Brooklyn Nester. She writes:

The National Pie Council has named National Pie Day, January 23rd.
My blog is encouraging its readers to bake a “Pie for Peace” (in the spirit of MLK), and send us a photo with a brief description. I wanted not only to inform you about the pie holiday that approaches, but also, to encourage you to make a pie as well. It would be a great honor to get a pie picture from you…or even see a post about pie on your blog!

Anyone interested in submitting a pie can do so via email at:

thebrooklynnester (at) gmail (dot) com.

Anyone requiring assistance to consume said pie(s) should contact me, Miss Heather, and I will send Mr. Heather over to assist you.

Miss Heather

Transmitter Park

One of the highlights from last night’s town hall meeting was Rich Mazur’s rather enthusiastic presentation of the park slated for the western tip of Greenpoint Avenue. Follows is the tentative design.

Here are a few fun facts about this space:

1. The site of this park is where WNYC once had their transmitter (hence the moniker “Transmitter Park”).
2. It has a budget of ten million dollars.
3. It will be 1.8 acres in size.
4. The final design will be presented June of this year.
5. Its completion date is set for winter 2009-2010, making it very likely that this will be the next park to be built in north Greenpoint!

Anyone who wishes to learn more about Transmitter Park (or aid in its creation by becoming a volunteer) can contact Rich Mazur via GWAPP at:

info (at) gwapp (dot) org

Of all the plans presented last night this one was by and far my favorite. Not only is the location fantastic, but I suspect I speak for many when I say quality park space in north Greenpoint is long, LONG overdue.

Miss Heather

Image Credit: Greenpointer (a web site which unfortunately appears to have been abandoned)

Day Late, Dollar Short

I found this card advertising “Dancer Boy’s” services while walking down Lorimer Street yesterday. Too bad I didn’t know about him a day earlier, he would have made my birthday festivities a lot more provocative.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Oh yeah, nice pmanties.