Greenpoint
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Culture on the Cheap
Atlantic Antic Wrap-up Part III: Afterbirth
Filed under: Area 51
Someone somewhere in Brooklyn “gets it”:
Lollipops good, unplanned pregnancy bad.
Thank god.
Miss Heather
P.S.: You can find them online here!
The Sights & Sounds Of Atlantic Antic
I am spending this lovely (if a bit brisk) Monday afternoon recovering from my jaunt to Atlantic Antic yesterday. My feet may be killing me today but it was totally worth it: not only did I have a lot of fun but I also bumped into Norman Oder of Atlantic Yards Report! Anyhoo, here’s a short film highlighting some of my favorite (and in one case, LEAST FAVORITE) experiences at this year’s Antic. Enjoy!
Be sure to check out my photo set on Flickr for more highlights from this year’s event!
(Yet) more to come!
Miss Heather
From The NYS Inbox
Filed under: Area 51
Many interesting things find their way to my inbox. Mostly spam and mail order brides wanting to make my acquaintance. As I slog through the valley of the shadow intellectual death (that is the Internet) I find the occasional oasis to succor my thirst for weird shit. The following are two such examples.
Yotidadnmom writes:
Check out this interesting specimen.
There was no “interesting specimen” to be found so I replied:
Hey! There appears to be something wrong with this attachment. Can you resend it? The suspense is killing me! 😉
You know what they say about curiosity killing the cat? It doesn’t. Mere death is nothing compared to the night terrors the following image will give you. I speak from experience when I write this.
My reply:
Good god man. Where the hell did this come from?
To wit Yo wrote:
Well… it came from someone’s anus. I found this waiting for me at the South Ferry St. Station…
Most of the submissions I receive are less horrific in nature (but equally amusing). Here’s a “choice specimen” which graced my inbox last night.
Kristen writes:
I am a huge HUGE fan of your blog, so imagine my delight when today I saw a peculiar sight which I thought might be of interest to you. My boyfriend & I had just landed at JFK from Austin, TX and were waiting for our luggage when we spotted something on the floor right by the carousel. At first we thought, is that strange phallic item a toothbrush holder? But as we looked closer we realized that it was definitely a purple vibrator. I can only speculate how it got there – but it’s pretty hilarious to imagine it slipping out of someone’s bag and them being too embarrassed to pick it up again. Poor vibrator.
FOR YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY KEEP CHILDRENS HANDS & FEET FROM THIS DILDONIC. THIS EQUIPMENT STARTS AND STOPS AUTOMATICALLY.
If someone (Sarah Plain?) lost what appears to be a six inch hot pink “personal massager” October 4, 2008 it can be found at the John F. Kennedy International Airport. Unless of course someone saw fit to:
- take it home or
- drop off this lost marital aid to my shelter for sick, unwanted and crippled dildonics.
Alas poor pocket rocket, I knew him well.
Miss Heather
P.S.: Submissions are always welcome at New York Shitty via email at:
missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com (please keep the files smallish— 150 DPI, 800 pixels at widest) or via the NYS photopool.
NEXT WEEK: Barack The Vote
Filed under: Area 51
David (the gentleman who brought this event to my attention) writes:
Brooklyn Royalty will be releasing a capsule collection of hand-screened Obama tees, as well as holding a silent auction to benefit Barack Obama’s campaign for President. At what other dance party can you register to vote, donate to the campaign and learn how to get more involved?
Very true. This isn’t your grandpa’s fundraiser!* Check it out!
Barack The Vote
Le Royale
21 7th Avenue South
New York, New York 10014
Miss Heather
*That is best left to (ideological and actual) dinosaurs like Palin and McCain. Shuffleboard, anyone?
Pubic Service Announcement
All you Greenpointers out there whose cuffs and collars simply must match (or be colored in a fuchsia hue— and you know who you are) will be pleased to know the “new” Duane Reade at 893 Manhattan Avenue is selling betty beauty * products. Be advised that the price of perversity is a bit stiff: $19.99 plus tax.
Miss Heather
*I wonder if I could contribute a box of “fun betty” to Sarah Palin’s Vice Presidential campaign? If she goes “pink” I’ll vote red. Naturally I will demand photographic evidence that this has come to pass.
Franklin Street Bar Shows Sign Of Life
This “production” has been languishing for months. But on Tuesday they erected this:
Why not drop by and give Joe your head shot? The Production Lounge wants to meet you!
Production Lounge
113 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Opening date/hours: T.B.A.
Miss Heather
Crosstown Local Photo du Jour
Filed under: Area 51
The above photograph was taken on the Queens-bound G train. To truly understand its significance one must take into account the context:
- A dude with Tourettes Syndrome twitching and muttering to himself.
- A clique of young women (read: under 21) taking swigs of Pepsi and whiskey (not-so-cunningly disguised in a Pepsi bottle), wincing and
- doing stripper poses on the poles— all of which were duly photographed by peers. With pride.
- The woman asleep below said sticker. Once she saw me taking pictures she gave me the evil eye and sat elsewhere.
#4: I was the least of your problems. I love life. Especially on the G.
Miss Heather
Urban Artifact: Manhattan Avenue
Mister Heather and I (being the effete and over-educated snobs we are) cannot grasp the rampant anti-intellectualism in this country. On the one hand, you have the first black president of the Harvard Law Review. Who taught constitutional law at the University of Chicago Law School. Despite hardships— and Obama had aplenty. He is an outsider. On the other, you have Rumsfeld in lipstick:
In 1982, Palin enrolled at Hawaii Pacific College but left after her first semester. From there she transferred to North Idaho College, where she spent two semesters as a general studies major. From that community college she then transferred to the much larger University of Idaho for two semesters. During this time Palin won the Miss Wasilla Pageant beauty contest then finished third (second runner-up) in the Miss Alaska pageant, at which she won a college scholarship and the “Miss Congeniality” award. She then left the University of Idaho and attended Matanuska-Susitna College in Alaska for one term. The next year she returned to the University of Idaho where she spent three semesters completing her Bachelor of Science degree in communications-journalism, graduating in 1987.
In 1988, she worked as a sports reporter for KTUU-TV in Anchorage, Alaska, and for the Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman as a sports reporter. She also helped in her husband’s commercial fishing family business. — Wikipedia.
For this lack-luster curricula clita Palin is lauded as being “All-American”. What does this say about us as a country?
I graduated from college in four years. Magna cum laude. I got a scholarship alright: $500 per semester for two semesters. That’s what a being smart (as opposed to beautiful) nets a woman with a 3.7 GPA. In Texas. Had I known being a bimbo would net me better career prospects perhaps I would have spent my “scholarship” money on a nose job (and getting my M.R.S. degree). But I didn’t. So I will continue…
That Communications degree (and pageant experience) is serving Sarah well. Or is the electorate much more idiotic than I imagined? Someone clearly likes her “down-home” talk. I (being the intellectual “community organizer” that I am) took her rhetoric as being backwoods demagoguery* meets June Cleaver (with a nuclear arsenal and “GOD” on her side). But am I simply being arrogant?
I found this discarded piece of homework on Manhattan Avenue. It got me to a thinkin’
How long did it take you to read the book? Why? I didn’t take me long because I saw the movie.
I would haved killed all the bad guys… It wes about 4 kids go into a majical world and fight a for the good side.
The good news: I suspect this kid’s mother helped him with his homework.
The bad news: This kid’s mother helped him with his homework.
With a public education system (and parental apathy) like this who needs Al Qaeda? We’re doing a damned good job of destroying ourselves. By taking pride in our ignorance, entitlement and sloth.
We’re not creating citizens, we’re creating cannon fodder.
But that’s jest me smart talkin’.
Miss Heather
*Demagogy (also demagoguery) (Ancient Greek δημαγωγία, from δῆμος dÄ“mos “people” and ἄγειν agein “to lead”) refers to a political strategy for obtaining and gaining political power by appealing to the popular prejudices, emotions, fears and expectations of the public — typically via impassioned rhetoric and propaganda, and often using nationalist or populist themes. — Wikipedia
Terrorist states are seeking nuclear weapons without delay … he (Barack Obama) wants to meet them without preconditions.
We are so proud of the many Alaskans who are serving in the military to keep us safe and our country free their service has been an incredible personal sacrifice. Our National Guard men and women who return to rural Alaska are seen as role models for our youth.
— Sarah Palin
TODAY: Kickass Art By Kickass People
Filed under: Area 51
I rarely, if ever, pimp my friends’ events online but in this case I am going to make an exception. Mark Parrish is by far one of the most amazing painters I have ever met. What’s more, he is a good friend. Tomorrow you can see his work (and meet him in person) at…
For the record, the artwork gracing the beginning of this post is not Mark’s. Not by a long-shot 😉
Go to the show and see for yourself!
Headquarters Studio NYC
385 Broadway, 2F
New York, New York 11013
Miss Heather
P.S.: Nayland Blake was a teacher of mine back in graduate school. Inasmuch as one can teach another person (ME) to think, he did. His advice is largely to thank (or blame) for me writing this blog.
Damn.
Filed under: Area 51
You write something about your cat’s abscessed anal glands and people take notice. Tim Murphy (of New York Mag’s Daily Intel) writes:
Anybody who regularly reads the blog Newyorkshitty by a certain Miss Heather of Greenpoint knows that she’s disgusting and hilarious, going around the hood photographing dog poop and other vulgarities, then commenting on it in a way that fuses Dorothy Parker and South Park…
Dorothy Parker?!? Thanks for the compliment, Mr. Murphy. I’m not being sarcastic. Although I always fancied myself more of a Chuck Bukowski girl. After all I live in Greenpoint and am one of only two women I know who likes The Three Stooges*. Seriously. I am an anomaly.
One who takes great relish in her vulgarity. Profanity is my craft. I apprenticed under my father; as a Journey(wo)man I polished my skills in New York Shitty. Greenpoint is my Valhalla, but alas a Journeywoman I still am. The following angry missive (courtesy of Pixxietails) made this fact clear all too clear to yours truly.
Rimming Meat Loaf?!? Ann and Nancy, that’s GROSS!
I have had this picture seared in my mind ALL DAY. It wasn’t pretty; in fact, I lost my appetite.
Needless to say I am your eager apprentice, Barracudas.
Hugs,
Miss Heather
*ESPECIALLY the Rajah of Canarsie, the Flathead from Flatbush and on the islands of Coney and Long fair chickadees who prowl the meadows day and night can be found!
P.S.: Didn’t John bother to read the lyrics of this song? Probably not.
If the real thing dont do the trick
No, you better make up something quick
You gonna burn burn burn burn it to the wick
Ooooooohhhh, barra barracuda.
NYS Flickr Pool
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