My New Pet Project

When the opportunity affords itself I like to engage in a little urban archeology. What some might consider an unsightly pile of garbage is an anthropological goldmine to me. In fact, I have a pet theory; one can tell a lot about a neighborhood (and the people who live in it) by the garbage left in its bicycle baskets. I have decided to keep a visual record of my findings via a little blog I have erected on Tumblr entitled Shit In Bicycle Baskets. Enjoy!

Miss Heather

Boobification Photo du Jour: Teamwork

One of the joys of being a boobifier is one never knows when a very special opportunity will present itself. Case in point: last Friday night while walking with a friend on Dean Street.

Me (rustling through my backpack): I am so totally hitting this.
Friend & Mr. Heather: No, you need to shoot from this angle.
Miss Heather (tries said angle): No go.
Friend: You’re probably going to have to do this in the day time, the back lighting is messing with your light meter.
Mr. Heather: Here (futzes with camera) now point it at the tits.
Miss Heather: Ok. (takes picture)
Miss Heather: It’s out of focus. Wait a minute, I have an idea (futzes with camera and then takes ten steps back). IT WORKED!
Mr. Heather: Yeah, but you cut it off on the left hand corner.
Miss Heather: Okay I’ll try again. (tries again) That’s pretty good.
Friend: Yeah, but you need to do it again.
Miss Heather: Why?
Friend: You need to get the top of the dickhead’s head!

It took a couple more tries, but I finally achieved perfection.

What kind of a Brooklyn boobifier would I be without including our very own Borough President in my project? Sorry Marty, I take no prisoners! 😉

Miss Heather

Brooklyn Photo du Jour: No Parking

From 9th Avenue, Sunset Park.

Miss Heather

Brooklyn Photo du Jour: 8th Avenue Laundromat

This one goes out to my buddy over at Best View In Brooklyn.* Not only was she not disturbed by my flagrant act of boobification in her neighborhood (that being Sunset Park for those of you who are not in the know), but she was gracious enough to link to it. As did mcbrooklyn.

Thanks y’all!

Miss Heather

*Although I dispute her claim as having the “best view in Brooklyn”. Who wouldn’t want to look at these gals every night? I do! What’s more when conditions are right it comes with smell-o-vision!

Employment Opportunity

After seeing all these sad stock traders via Gawker I felt sad. I asked myself:

How can I help these chaps?

Time and time again. The solution finally came to me in the most of unexpected places: while knocking around Sunset Park.

Put on your best Brooks Brothers suit and polish your resumes chaps, because this deli at 41st Street and 7th Avenue (despite the recession) is hiring!

Miss Heather

Boobification Photo du Jour: Titty Mouse

From 7th Avenue and 56th Street, Sunset Park.

Miss Heather

New York City Pay Phone du Jour: Church Street Zen

Somehow I cannot shake the feeling that a missing dial tone is the least of this pay phone’s problems.

Miss Heather

Boobification Photos du Jour: Goin’ Downtown

Today I had the pleasure of meeting a friend (and overall very cool person) for lunch. The downshot was it was over by City Hall in Manhattan. I suspect I speak for many when I say this is not exactly my favorite part of town. I decided to sweeten the pot a little by bringing a couple of friends along. Here are the results.

When I got above ground at City Hall there was a flurry of activity. If all the camera men I saw were any indication I’d say they were prepping for a press conference. Probably regarding Bloomberg’s circuitous method of lifting Mayoral of term limits so he can run for a third term. This got me to thinking:

I wonder if there is any place on the premises where I could do my devilish work without becoming a “security risk”?

Sure enough I found one such spot right under my nose. Literally.

This is the great seal of the City of New York.

This is the great seal of the City Titties of New York boobified. SIGILLUM CIVITATIS NOVI BOOBUM!

CHURCH STREET

Perhaps it’s because I was born in Texas but I’ve always had a thing for cowboys.

Especially the ones who chomp on a cigar while sporting a nice big rack. Those bad boys give me a lot to smile about, how about you?

WALL STREET

Since I happened to be in the area I decided to check out Wall Street. It was packed wall to wall (no pun intended) with reporters preparing to relay the latest salvo of (most likely bad) news regarding our nation’s economy.

I suppose we have gone from a bull market to a bear market.

I mused to myself. It was at this moment that I had my eureka moment: I CAN CHANGE THINGS. To this end I purchased a roll of scotch tape and headed south without delay.

Behold, the Boob Market.

What effects Greenpoint effects Wall Street. Screw black Monday, let’s have a Pink and perky Wednesday!*

Miss Heather

*I would be remiss if I didn’t say the most rewarding part of sticking a pair of tits on the Wall Street bull was not the final product (as nice as it is). Rather, it was the look on the tourists’ faces after I did it. It went down something like this.

Miss Heather: Excuse me, do you mind if I go next? It’s for an art project.
Tourists: ?

ASIDE: It was at this moment I realized:

A. These people are staring at me because I am holding a pair of rubber tits or
B. these people do not speak English.

Believe it or not, I think it was point “B.” Seriously.

Anyhoo, when I got done they just stood there in silence —save one tiny woman wearing a sari (who I would presume was from India). She found it quite amusing. Feeling like I should say something, I did:

Welcome to New York. Enjoy your stay.

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: He’s Baaaack!

From Leonard Street.

Miss Heather