By popular demand…

After tossing up this post (which featured arguably the most diabolically clever ruse to get noisy neighbors to cease and desist) I had a number of people request copies of this letter. This weekend I happened to bump into my fiendish friend and asked him for it. Twenty four hours later there it was in my inbox. “John” writes:

Hi Heather,

here’s the letter, you can post it as is if you like. I folded this letter into an envelope that had the name of some attorney on it. . . .a nice subtly that may have had an effect. So, I wrote this after going up to their door 3 separate times to politely explain the noise situation. Nothing changed, in fact it seemed to get worse. Anyway, things have been quiet since delivering this note.

Without further ado, here it is. Enjoy!

Dear Upstairs Neighbors,

First I’d like to say I appreciate what you’ve done to keep the noise level down. I can’t imagine it’s very easy. However, I feel that I may not have made my message clear, that is why I’m writing this letter. My entire apartment is basically below your kitchen and bathroom. Your kitchen floor is my ceiling.

I’m not talking about regular footfalls from normal walking, that I can hear and easily deal with. I’m referring to moments of thunderous vibrating pulses of sound from stomping and jumping that take place over my entire apartment.

To understand this, you have to know that your kitchen floor is the original flooring from the early 1900’s. No reinforcement, only very thin, old dry floor joists. That is why the walls and floor of my apartment explode with vibration when there is heavy walking, esp. with shoes.

Like I mentioned earlier, I can hear every step anyone makes upstairs above me, not a problem, but when there is heavy walking and pounding on the floor, plaster has literally fallen from the ceiling and objects on the shelves begin to shudder, similar to a small earthquake. No joke. The quality of living in this apartment has severely diminished. I’ve lived here for 4 years and have never experienced this before.

There is a clause in the lease that allows the tenant to enjoy the peaceful environment of their apartment and I have to tell you that has not been the case within the last two months! The last thing I want to do is bother or complain about excessive noises, but when it starts to effect my daily existence, sleep and general concentration, it’s time for all neighbors to be aware of it and concessions have to be made.

I have to tell you that there have been times when I actually feel trapped in my apartment, when the pounding and stomping begin to consume the air of my small space. I have no where else to go when this noise level ratchets up. I’m basically a prisoner in this pulsating box as I sit and wait until it slowly goes away..

Look, I pay my rent here, and help the landlady with odds and ends around the building to help maintain a safe, positive and peaceful environment in this building and apartment. So, while your kitchen floor (my ceiling) is only a thin separation between tenants, your living room floor however, is totally reinforced.

I helped to install the flooring in that front living room. Three quarter inch plywood laid over the original wood flooring plus insulation then carpet. That makes a huge difference. You could put on a Broadway show on that floor and not bother anyone.

I’m not asking for total silence, that’s ridiculous I understand. I’m asking for everyone who lives above me to be mindful of the impact they’re making on the kitchen floor. That’s all!!

One thing that would help is to consider taking shoes off when walking on the floor in the kitchen area. It’s a night and day difference for me.

Please understand my situation, I would appreciate anything that you can do to help out here. If not, I will be forced to take other initiatives.

Thank you,

Your neighbor