A New York Shitty Love Connection

CORNrowanTHUMBSome of you might have gathered from the preponderance of non-Greenpoint content of late that I have been lurking our fair city. This is because my inlaws are in town and they want to see the sights, sounds, and yes, SMELLS of the Big Apple during their brief stay.* Fortunately I have my good friend Rowan and Crappy to keep me in an “outer borough” state of mind.

It all started with a corn stalk (which can be seen at left). My inlaws happen to reside in Iowa. Corn is very common there. Corn is not, however, very common in Greenpoint (which is where this stalk was found). More specifically it was found on Bushwick Inlet between North 14 Street and North 15 Street: an ill-kept, trash ridden sidewalk which sits atop brownfield.

I found this fascinating. Enough so to write a post about it. A week later I walked by only to discover that someone had killed the corn— and the cobs were nowhere to be found.

Rowan (who provided the above photograph) wrote on September 28, 2009:

Saturday evening, around 6:30pm, I decided to check the corn plant. It’s broken in two. Photos to come, but I’m a bit sad that someone destroyed it. Also the Marlboro packet was still there.

To wit I replied:

I noticed that today. Even more frightening is the corn appears to have been taken. Presumably someone ate it. YIKES!

This morning I had the pleasure of moderating Rowan’s rebuttal:

Someone’s going to have very toxic corn poops.

Shortly thereafter I received an ominous email from Queens Crap. It read as follows:

Do you, in your vast annals of dog shit photos, happen to have one that’s laden with corn? If not, you will when I get home from work tonight.

I replied that I did not have such a find in my “vast annals”. Follows is Crappy’s reply:

You won’t be disappointed.

I wasn’t.

corncrap

This delightful artifact was found at the intersection of DeKalb and Cypress Avenue in Ridgewood. It is proof positive that my buddy across the creek knows blue chip crap when he finds it.

Yummy.

Miss Heather

*And they most, assuredly have. They walked by the Newtown Creek Waste Treatment Plant on Thursday afternoon and partook of a particularly fragrant subway ride today.

New York Shitty Day Ender: Scenes From Gantry Park

October 2, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11101, Long Island City, Queens 

gantry2

pepsicola

3chairs

gantry

Taken October 2, 2009.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Welcome To Queens

BED BUGS

From the Pulaski Bridge.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Everything You Wanted To Know About Those Lines On The Pulaski Bridge

(and I do mean EVERYTHING)

clusterfuck

Rick writes:

I’m a new-ish fan of the blog, 10-year Greenpointer (what I call “outer” Greenpoint — Morgan near Driggs — as opposed to “upper” Greenpoint, meaning along the Manhattan/Franklin corridor), and bike commuter. I’m also a journalist who just finished a year reporting on urban spaces and infrastructure for PBS and public radio.

So after seeing the markings on the Pulaski Bridge path — and reading your posts — I decided to call someone who’d know what was up: Wiley Norvell, Communications Director for bike advocacy group Transportation Alternatives.

I asked him about three things: (1) the “lane” markings on the ramps; (2) the seemingly-superfluous white lines along the main stretch of the path; and (3) the “Stop and Dismount — Walk Bike” signs.

Wiley checked with NYCDOT and got back to me with the following answers:

1. The lane markings at the entrances “are designed to provide guidance,” he said. Every bridge in the city handles cyclists and pedestrians differently: they’re segregated on the Brooklyn and Manhattan spans; pedestrians move counter to cycle traffic on the Williamsburg; and (iirc) they move in the same direction on the 59th. So, Wiley said, “the DOT’s trying to clarify the rules for the Pulaski.”

2. The white lines are an effort to get cyclists to chill out, for lack of a better way of putting it. “That’s typically done for cars,” Wiley said. “They visually narrow the space. That’s intended to get people to slow down and focus. It make it look like the space is only five feet wide, so it’s a visual traffic-calming cue.”

Of course, Wiley says, none of this deals with the underlying problem on the bridge: That the path is simply too narrow for the amount of pedestrian and cycle traffic it’s already handling. And things are likely to get worse: Between the impending completion of the Kent Avenue greenway (which I rode today and is coming along beautifully) and the coming greenway along the LIC riverfront, there’s likely to be a lot more traffic on the Pulaski path. “It’s like the Brooklyn Bridge path,” he said. “We’re running up against the laws of physics.”

The bridge’s roadbed has the opposite problem: It has too much capacity, Wiley said. The evidence: cars routinely exceed the speed limit over the Newtown Creek by 15-20 MPH. “And that behavior continues on McGuinness Boulevard and into Long Island City,” Wiley said.

So there’s a built-in solution that would solve both problems at once: Take a lane away from the roadbed and turn it into a dedicated cycle path. Wiley says Transportation Alternatives supports that idea, but it’s likely a long way off: The Pulaski Bridge was last rebuilt just 15 years ago, so any reconfiguration is likely years in the future.

3. The signs are mandated by a regulation, likely a federal one, Wiley said. That regulation governs how traffic is supposed to behave on drawbridges. The problem, he said, is that the signs are in the wrong place: Cyclists are supposed to dismount and walk their bikes over the expansion joint between the leaves of the bascule (i.e. at mid-span). The signs, however, are hundreds of feet away from the joint. Even so, Wiley said, DOT doesn’t enforce the rule. “They’re planning for the real world, in which cyclists are riding across the bridge.”

Hope this helps… Keep up the good work!

No Rick, thank YOU for taking the time to give us the 411! If anyone has a question for Rick you can leave them in the comments or contact him via email at: rick (at) technopop (dot) org.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Rick was also kind enough to forward me a DOT presentation regarding the Pulaski Bridge. You can view it in jpeg format by clicking here.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Mixed Signals?

clusterfuck

New York Shitty reader, occasional tipster and soon to be ex-Greenpoint resident AMOJA writes (in an email entitled “MTA Hates Pedestrians”) :

Or, I’m guessing it’s the MTA.  They’ve finally gotten around to indicating why they’ve painted white and yellow lines on the Pulaski Bridge walkway.  On the LIC side, at least (I’m not sure about the Greenpoint side…I’m a terrible reporter*), there are pictographs indicating that the bridge is to be used by pedestrians…and mushroom headed bicyclists…

sign

Confusingly, they’ve left the signs up telling people to dismount their bikes.  I feel my head is about to explode. Who is the genius that came up with this idea?  Are things really clearer now?

boxst

Given that this is a pedestrian walkway I would hazard to guess the entity responsible for this exercise in zen is the Department of Transportation, not the MTA. However, I am in agreement with AMOJA about the provenance of this plan; I too want to know who came up with this sterling idea. I also want to know how much it cost.

Miss Heather

*As the above photographs indicate, this has been done on the Brooklyn side of the bridge as well.

New York Shitty Day Starter: Coming At You From Greenpoint

My buddy Larry da Junkman has been involved in a number of very interesting projects lately. Follows is a snippet of one of them. It is part of an ongoing collaboration with the Vole Show and is entitled Think Tanking: Journey To The Newtown Creek Nature Walk Part 2. Larry’s daughter (clad in fairy wings and a tiara no less) steals the show. Enjoy!

I can hardly wait to see what these madmen come up with next.

Miss Heather

Snapshots From Astoria

September 15, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11101, Astoria, Bum Shit, Dung of the Day, Other Shit, Queens 

Yesterday evening the Mister and I ventured to Astoria to support our buddy Kevin Walsh, who happens to have a show of his photography at the Greater Astoria Historical Society.  For those of you keeping count, this is the second day in a row we have ventured to the county of Queens. Anyhoo, it has been awhile I have been to my former stomping grounds (I lived in Astoria briefly during graduate school) so I brought along my camera and took a few photographs. Follow are some highlights. Enjoy!

daves

What Elvira and Marilyn Monroe have to do with shoes I do not know. Regardless I found this display charming.

CHANGE

Change may have come to America but it’s still business as usual at this storefront. Despite his odious politics the man behind this missive is— believe it or not— a very nice guy. I have spoken to him.

boobs

I did a double take at this. Something else the greater Steinway Street and Broadway area sports are really cool old-school storefronts.

WINES

Like this…

dandf

and this.

boston

A little ennui over pizza. And last— but hardly least—

shitphone

my visit to Astoria taught me why I should never, EVER patronize a public pay phone again.

blech

Damn.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Wet Paint?

September 14, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11101, Long Island City, Queens 

aintwet

From the Queens-bound platform of the E/V at 23rd- Ely Avenue.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Separated At Birth…

or would that be death?

Colleen writes: not to take away from your own adventures in shit condos, thought you’d enjoy this.

CHEAPSHITviaNYS

Enjoy it I did (although Cheapshit failed to mention vibramassage beds in the above post). I laughed my ass off. Here’s another corker.

Cobrizo-condosCSCniaNYS

Cheapshit writes:

From their website

The Cobrizo @ Lake Union, combines affordability with spectacular views of Lake Union. The buildings trendy industrial exterior flows into the interior where interesting colors, angles and transitions between rooms emulate an active urban lifestyle.

WTF are they talking about?!?

By “emulate an active urban lifestyle” they must mean living directly on one of Seattle’s biggest highways, Aurora. Do not actively run across the highway in front, you will die…

I take issue with this. At least the Cobrizo has nice cement barriers to prevent some hapless idiot from driving into some other hapless idiot’s living room.

another view of the sceneNYS

Last month in Greenpoint, Brooklyn U.S.A. a traffic light and one of Mayor Mike’s 1,000,000 trees “took one for the team”.

Welcome to Huron Street!nys

This little mishap blocked McGuinness Boulevard for hours. I have no idea how the chair factors into this. It has four legs; it could have, should have run. Maybe it did? In any case it does not appear to be very happy.

lofts305

The “305 Lofts” were planned as condominiums but have since been dumped into rental propertywith a few hilarious bumps along the way. I suspect the proximity to McGuinness Boulevard and being located one block away from the east coast’s largest waste treatment plant might have something to do with this. But I digress. Let’s proceed to the supreme grotesque— the purpose of this post.

alfarettaCSCandLIC

In regards to the latter Cheapshit writes:

In these days of Seattle condo market freefall, we don’t build new condos. We almost tear down old buildings that were perfectly livable and leave them undemolished while making web sites about the fancy condo towers that we might build. This near pile of rubble one year later is the site of the “Seneca Towers”. The developer Levin Menzies, living in California, seems to have lost interest in this project. This is also what happens when you let developers run your city.

tochbrosNYS

Same goes in New York Shitty. Who needs history or character when condos beckon?

forsale

Different coast, same story.

behindthefacade

I am certain when the time comes the “Toch” facade will be lavished the same attention to historic and stylistic detail as this Karl Fischer masterpiece on Richardson Street.

the-luminousnys

Or this, his latest turd, 200 Franklin Street.

200 franklin

Both of the previous abominations were built by virtue of “modification” permits that are doled out New York City’s very own Department of Buildings regularly. Slapping obnoxious residential towers atop industrial properties is Karl’s forte. He is a one man race to the bottom.

This is what happens when developers run your city.

Miss Heather

Cheapshit, Queens Crap and I should do a bi-coastal critique of condo crap. It could be fun.


New York Shitty Day Ender: Pep Talk

September 13, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11101, Long Island City, Queens 

ilikeu

From a garbage container on 49th Avenue, Long Island City.

Miss Heather

  • NYS Flickr Pool

    christmas tree oddly placedDissociationMalevolent and asking for donations20241031_095113Hudson Yards  EDGELooking east-Northern view.
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