Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Bloody Marys For The Masses!
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
As an old(er)-school Greenpointer, I try to refrain from grousing about the recent wave of 20-somethings moving here. Sure many of them are aggravating— but who wasn’t when he (or she) was that age? Seriously. Occasionally the ingenuity some of my newer neighbors possess even impresses me. Like today.
I found this flyer at Greenpoint Avenue and Franklin Street. Any Greenpointer worth his (or her) salt will tell you this intersection (located in one of the most “vice” ridden ‘nabes in this fine Boro of Kings) is a popular venue for the al fresco consumption of alcoholic beverages.
The above photo (taken exactly a week ago at the previously-mentioned intersection) bears witness to the formidable marketing savvy of the folks at 107 Green Street. Note the party ball. A few hours after it was taken a wino seated himself in the red chair and endeavored to open a brand-spanking new fifth of vodka. The beer might have been gone, but this gent made good and damned sure the party went on! Beer is for south Brooklyn brownstone-dwelling pussies. Greenpoint keeps it real:
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker!
But back to the most brilliant young capitalists I have ever met.
Unlike many advertisements that seem too good to be true, this one wasn’t.
To the residents of 107 Green Street:
I salute you. It is innovating thinking such as yours that makes America great. I am proud to have you as a neighbor.
Sincerely,
Miss Heather
UPDATE: I learned from the proprietress of Casa Mon Amour this evening that this Bloody Mary stand was the talk of Franklin Street. Apparently a dissatisfied quaffer complained to her that they were “cheap”. I am no Amy Vanderbilt; but I was always taught that free booze shouldn’t be dissed. To do otherwise is to breach proper Garden Spot etiquette.
The Greenpoint 100 Auction is Today!
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Although I will be at work during most of the festivities, here is the itinerary I received from the co-presidents of Friends of the Greenpoint Library:
The event will begin at 11:00 a.m. Judging will be from 12:30-1:30 pm… We will be taking down names of potential buyers (3 per work) from 11:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. Starting at 2:00 p.m. the actual sale will take place. If the first person on the list is not present, the second person on the list will have the opportunity to buy and so on.
They also need volunteers to lend a hand with the following:
Installation and set-up: 10:00 a.m. -11:00 a.m.
Refreshments table: 11:00 a.m. -2:30 p.m.
Distribution of art to buyers: 2:00 p.m. -2:30 p.m.
Break-down/clean-up: 3:00 p.m. -3:30p.m.
$25.00 is a very small price to pay for not only a work of art, but to help our local library. Besides, who wouldn’t want this hanging on his or her wall? The woman who took my contribution recognized the dude on the couch immediately; he was sleeping on her stoop that morning.
Miss Heather
Mildly Disturbing Image of the Day
I got a chuckle out of this skewed fire hydrant on Guernsey Street last night. If I had a dollar for every piece of property I have seen that was mowed down or jacked-up by the shitty drivers here,* I’d be a very wealthy woman.
Shouldn’t these things have water in them or something? Filling fire hydrants with petroleum strikes me as being counter-productive. Then again, this IS Greenpoint.
Miss Heather
*If you’re wondering, my favorite to date was the clock in front of the Garden. Remember that? It was up-ended by a truck and the driver elected to take it with him.
Search for the Siding-est Street in Greenpoint
***NEWSFLASH***
I have decided a new project is in order: determining which block in Greenpoint has the most houses sheathed in vinyl siding. Given the scope and seriousness of this project I need help from you, dear readers. Those of you who want to nominate a block*, please shoot me an email at missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com.
You immediate attention to this matter is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Miss Heather
*I also want to make it clear that any tips about new stuff going on in The Garden Spot (especially art openings and other cultural events) are greatly appreciated. I like giving other artists a little exposure— but please give me as much advance notice as possible. I can be forgetful at times.
37 North Henry Street
I have cornered “The Worst Buildings of NYC” flickr pool as of the writing of this post. Leonard Lopate had no idea what Pandora’s box he opened when he (or more likely, his staff) solicited photographs of ugly buildings. “You want ugly?” I thought to myself.
I’ll show you ugly!
This was no idle threat: it was a promise. One I am still endeavoring to complete.
The Garden Spot is filled with eyesores development. Real estate shills like to call it gentrification. I call it horse shit.
This is 37 North Henry Street. It is also one of the ugliest pieces of pre-fab shit progress I have ever seen.
Wednesday evening I spoke with a “student” from Columbia University*. He wanted to hear my take on the upcoming Greenpoint Library fund raiser and local “art community”. One of his questions was:
Describe your history as an artist. Is it your profession? Do you make stuff just (for) yourself, family and friends?
Questions like the previous make me stop and take a deep breath. Inasmuch as I like helping students with their projects (and believe you me I felt like the subject of an experiment: gentrification vivisection), his choice of words pissed me off.
My answer:
I am a third generation artist. My mother is a painter; her aunt (my great aunt) was a painter. She’s dead now— my great aunt that is. Both were/are college-educated in this craft. I am not a painter, though I got my BFA is in painting. Magna cum laude, no less. I received my MFA in Sculpture at Parsons School of Design.
I do not make stuff for myself, family and friends. Well, I make stuff for myself sometimes— but I have no interest in galleries whatsoever (they’re no different than temp agencies, real estate brokers or pimps in my book). I am more interested in forcing people to think. And I do— usually without even trying. Which brings me back to above-mentioned turd.
As a sculptress (and Notary Public!) I do not profess to know the vagaries of architecture (or FAR), but I do have a grasp of design principles and three dimensional reasoning. The architect responsible for 37 North Henry clearly does not.
Describe your history as an architect Anthony Cucich? Is it your profession? Do you make
FeddersFriedrich Specials for yourself, family and friends? Inquiring minds want to know!
In any case, your craptacular building (located just off the BQE) also offers scenic views of the Kosciuszko Bridge and auto emissions for one’s olfactory pleasure! Only two units left folks, move right in! To repeat myself, this “builders closeout” is one of the aesthetically unappealing pieces of shit buildings I have seen erected in Greenpoint. Ever. This is no small accomplishment.
Mazel Tov!
Miss Heather
*The same guy who wrote this. A week after I posted this. The only good thing about this situation I can think of is at least the de Give got a nice chunk of publicity. Otherwise, I’m glad to see a newbie journo (whose cell phone number is from Minnesota) is doing his homework, e.g.; trolling blogs and tendering his findings to The Brooklyn Paper.
Describe your history as an newspaper? Is it your profession? Or do you just crib from local yokels (and that is clearly what you thought I was) for yourself, family and friends?
Just curious.
If the opportunity afforded itself, I’d use The Brooklyn Paper as stationery. I would pretend to be a journalist and my asshole would be the pen (not unlike most of the people employed at the previously-mentioned periodical). But alas, the inferior quality of this paper irritates my rectum.
I line my cat boxes and junk folder with ’em instead. Although I never signed up for it, I get Brooklyn Paper spam regularly nowadays. Thank you for wasting my time, memory and intelligence.
A Few Food Related Goodies
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Casa Mon Amour will be offering a tasting menu of Central American cuisine this Saturday, September 15. Black bean soup, pupusas, heart of palm salad and catamale are tentatively slated for the menu and much, much more! Reservations are required and can be made via telephone or in person at:
Casa Mon Amour
162 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, NY 11222
(718) 349-1529
The more casserole-crazed among you might be interested in checking out next month’s Casserole Party at Brooklyn Label. Per the email I got from the proprietress of Casserole Crazy:
Fall is almost here and that means it’s time to register for The Casserole Party, an annual casserole competition organized and hosted by Emily Farris. The Third Annual Casserole Party will be held Tuesday, October 16 at Brooklyn Label in Greenpoint. …the Casserole Party is back and badder than ever. We’re changing things up this year, but the idea is still the same: to show off a hearty and comforting dish from childhood…and let’s be honest, it’s an excuse to over-indulge in baked deliciousness. This year we have an impressive panel of judges and a cash bar provided by Brooklyn Label.
This year’s winning recipe will be featured in my upcoming casserole cookbook (Perigee, Fall 2008), and will be placed on the Brooklyn Label menu for a month. Because of this, only original and “family” recipes will be allowed.
Those of you who are interested in throwing your hat into the ring can read the rules and regulations here and register by clicking here.
Brooklyn Label
180 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, NY 11222
(718) 349-8202
www.brooklynlabel.com
Good luck and bon apetit!
Miss Heather
*They are also offering an evening of French cuisine every Tuesday. Here’s what was served last night!
What is wrong with this picture?
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
I almost pissed my pants laughing when I took the above photo. Contrary to what I had hoped, this chap was not under the employ of 110 Green Street. Rather, his place of employment would appear to be across the street (at 125 Green), as that’s where he ducked in with his groceries. I find this is sort of interesting provided there are no permits whatsoever posted at this site.
Hmm…
Miss Heather
Seeing Double at 110 Green Street
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
The above picture was taken at 9:00 a.m. this morning. Looks like 110 Green is getting in the 9/11 spirit by employing two pile drivers today.
How very patriotic of them… and very, very unfortunate for me.
Miss Heather
Return of the Shit Crawler
Yesterday I found a most exceptional pile of poop. After several weeks of paltry fecal offerings (diarrhea, mostly), it finally happened. The Garden Spot produced a bowel movement worthy of being called the “Dung of the Day”. This sculptural pile of poo also proved to be a perfect canvas on which to create my entry for Third Ward‘s Art Ate New York competition.
I rushed home to get my supplies. My husband was nowhere to be found. Thinking quickly, I called him on his cell phone.
WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!?
I bellowed. “At the Black Rabbit.” he said. I should have known better; when all else fails the Mister can usually be located on a bar stool. “I found the PERFECT pile of shit for my project! HURRY UP AND FINISH YOUR COCKTAIL! I will be down there to get you in ten minutes. We need to act fast!”
Heart racing, I swung by the Black Rabbit and collected my husband. We made double time to the intersection of Noble Street and Manhattan Avenue (where the above merde morsel was located). I heaved an enormous sigh of relief when I discovered it was still there. Not wanting to waste any more time, I got right down to business. Soon enough, I had an audience.
A woman eating a tomato (whose curiosity was piqued by the sight of a blue-haired chick in a kilt crawling around on the sidewalk) approached. When she saw my creation she laughed— as did numerous onlookers. Save this guy.
Though clearly confused, he did nothing whatsoever to stop me. That’s what I love about Greenpoint: people leave you the fuck alone. Which is a good thing given that this, my latest opus, came out so smashingly it would have been a crime to interfere with its creation.
Looks like a stray droid is at large on Noble Street.
Much to the dismay and amusement of the local populace promenading along Manhattan Avenue. People who, amusingly enough, seemed to walk in single file. Perhaps to hide their numbers?
Miss Heather
Something’s Red in Greenpoint
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
I saw the above advertisement while taking the G train home last night from Clinton Hill. While the previously named ‘nabe may be the “bloggiest”— and I would be remiss if I didn’t state that it does have a certain charm— but the truth of the matter is I found it kind of boring. That is, until I saw a Vladimir Lenin quote about Beethoven’s Appassionata being used to advertise a church. I silently fumed the entire ride home.
The fine folks who frequent the Clinton-Washington stop of the G can keep their blogginess. They can keep their fancy-pants old houses too. When the revolution comes, I will be in Greenpoint raising holy hell with other pissed off people like myself. Fellow travelers commuters like the mastermind behind this.
As you can probably deduce, this is located on the Queens-bound platform at Nassau Avenue.
Along with this.
This.
And this, which includes…
this. I wonder what Balzac would say if he knew that some very, very angry person was quoting him via Sharpie marker on subway posters hawking affluenzic television programming? I cannot help but believe it would make him smile.
Of course there’s always room for the more proletarian ball point pen, like this Op-Ed piece from the Greenpoint Avenue station.
If you want to see the violence inherent in the system, come to Greenpoint. Help! Help! I’m being repressed!
Miss Heather
UPDATE, 9/9/07: Here’s some more subway social commentary from the Greenpoint Avenue platform of the Smith and 9th bound G train!
Corruption may not be sexy, but it’s damned convenient. To developers in north Brooklyn anyway, just ask the D.O.B.
NYS Flickr Pool
