Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Halloween Decoration Du Jour
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Inspired by the Gowanus Lounge’s daily dose of Halloween goodness, I have decided to follow his example and feature some cool Halloween decorations from right here in Greenpoint. Today’s offering hails from Leonard Street.
Perhaps he is contractor pooped after a busy day building Belvederes?
Miss Heather
Hillary Hilarity on Norman Avenue
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
S & A Building Development loves them some Hillary.
A smartass with a can of spray paint does not share their enthusiasm.
Such is the smash-jaw world of Greenpoint politics. I love it. We air dissent in a civilized and witty fashion, unlike our high falutin neighbors in Boerum Hill. When drug dealers or chicken bone tossers blight their door steps, Boerum Hill calls 911. We Greenpointers, on the other hand, call it home.
Hillary hater or not.
Miss Heather
Hot Ass on Eckford Street
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
After noticing that 209 1/2 Eckford has been “modified” without the auspices of a permit (within 250 feet of a parked Department of Buildings vehicle, no less), I decided to swing by today and see if what I beheld last weekend was the product of immaculate construction*. It wasn’t.
When I took the above photo at 2:20 p.m. today it was raining men. HALLELUJAH!
Permit or not, I bet you could bounce a quarter off that ass. A-MEN!
Hands off Patricia, he’s mine. Hop into one of those hybrid DOBmobiles, drive up here and get your own. It would be nice if you would see fit to issue a few stop work orders while you’re at it, but this is only a suggestion.
Miss Heather
*Props to the proprietor of the Gowanus Lounge for coining this term. It has become my new toy.
Miss Heather’s Monitor Museum
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Yesterday I simply could not get that melange of monitors on McGuinness Boulevard off my mind. Not only did I make a trip to see how they’re progressing disintegrating, but I also checked out a location notorious for monitor activity (television and computer alike): 210 Newel Street. I was not disappointed.
I have entitled the above photo “Monitor with Oatmeal”.
After mentioning the above find to my husband (who, being the I. T. professional he is, was certain to note how toxic the innards of monitors are) I had a revelation: smashing up monitors is to Greenpoint what baseball is to America. It is The Garden Spot’s Game.
To this end I am starting an online museum showcasing Greenpoint’s manifold mashed-up monitors. If you see a monitor on your block worthy of induction (the more fucked up, the better), please take a photo of it and/or note the address and email it to me at:
missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com
Thanks!
Miss Heather
Founder and Curator
Miss Heather’s Monitor Museum
Greenpoint, Brooklyn 11222
Poop in the Water
Yesterday evening I discovered a costume contest we Greenpointers are (over) qualified to win. It is the S.W.I.M. Coalition Halloween Party “Crappiest Costume Contest”. Here is an excerpt from the press announcement I received:
What’s scarier than poop in the water? Enter our Crappiest Costume Contest and find out! Come dressed as the ickiest thing you can imagine finding afloat on the East River or living in an NYC sewer.
The criteria clearly states “the ickiest thing you can imagine finding afloat” or “living” in the above locations. Less imaginative folk will probably dress up as a condom, pile of rubbish, nuclear waste, etc. I for one recommend taking a more esoteric approach. The following are a few examples which illustrate what I am getting at:
- Dick Cheney: This man is scary. The prospect of this chap inhabiting New York City’s sewer system (or the East River) is even more frightening— and appropriate. He is possibly the humanoid on earth who could survive down there. Hell, he’d probably feel right at home.
- Phil Spector: For pretty much same reasons as I listed for #1.
- Gary Glitter: Not only is he creepy looking like Phil Spector, he’s also a pedophile. I think he trolls our sewer system looking for underage C.H.U.D.s to “photograph”.
- Leona Helmsley: The Queen of Mean is dead… or is she? I think the noxious soup in our sewer system rejuvenated her. Now she walks the streets a zombie searching for her shit dog, assaulting hotel maids and stealing their tips.
As you can see, I possess a very vivid imagination. Most Greenpointers do, for that matter. The above suggestions are but a fraction of the glory we can achieve. For this reason I implore you to use the vast resources of your imagination, hop on the G train and show these people that we Garden Spotters know our shit.*
WHAT: S.W.I.M. Coalition Halloween Party
WHEN: Sunday, October 28, from 7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.
WHERE: Habana Outpost 757 Fulton Street (at South Portland St.)
Happy haunting!
Miss Heather
*Or you can leave your suggestion(s) for a costume in the comments section for all to enjoy. I’d love to see what you guys (and gals) dream up.
Give Us A Movie House
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
I took the above picture just over a year ago. Not only was I amused by what this person wrote, I agreed: Greenpoint does not need any more banks and yes, a movie theater would be an excellent addition to the neighborhood. What did we end up getting when all was said and done? Another god damned bank.
My sole consolation is the Bank of America (the site where the above photo was taken) and Citibank seem to be pretty popular places for the local homeless population to conduct their business— and by “business” I mean going to the bathroom and having sex. I would love to see the surveillance camera footage from these establishments. I bet it is hilarious, but I digress.
The perverse irony is Greenpoint once had six movies theaters. Yes, six. Here they are were in order from south to north.
- Nassau Theatre (now The Princess Manor)
88 Nassau Avenue - Winthrop Theater (demolished)
135 Driggs Avenue - Meserole Theatre (
now Eckerd’s, I thinkRite Aid)
723 Manhattan Avenue - RKO Greenpoint (demolished)
825 Manhattan Avenue - American Theater (then Chopin Theater, now Starbucks)
910 Manhattan Avenue - Midway Theater (demolished)
1059 Manhattan Avenue
The following story from the December 10, 1929 edition of the New York Times is about one of these establishments: the long gone RKO Greenpoint. Enjoy!
The above tale gives us a(nother) splendid reason for wanting a movie theater: they prevent crime. I see a letter campaign to the mayor coming around the corner folks!
Miss Heather
154 West Street Revisited
Wishing to enjoy this weekend’s unseasonably warm weather, I decided to go for a walk. Uncharacteristically, my husband said he wanted to join me. I advised him that I was going to a bunch of places he didn’t care for (clothes shopping), but he insisted upon tagging along anyway. So off we went— with the usual detour or four so as to check out some of the more hideous development “projects” which pock my neighborhood.
I hadn’t checked in on 154 West Street in awhile, so we swung by to see how they were progressing. True to form, there was some kind of activity going on inside. Exactly what it was, I do not know.
As you can see, the Fedderization process is almost complete. I for one find the addition of faux period detailing charming, especially since it is not in proper proportion to the rest of the building. Sadly, the owner went with brown stucco. While in keeping with my prognostication that stucco will supplant vinyl siding in the Garden Spot, it would have been nice if he had opted for a different color. Pink, orange or mint green would have been nice. West Street has enough “brown” as is. Most of it resides on the sidewalk and is of canine origin.
Next, I spied a stray cat through a hole in the fence on the adjacent lot. I like cats, so I took a peek. That’s when I found this.
I have seen the workers jettison garbage onto this lot on more than one occasion. That said, I was still surprised by how much of it has accumulated. Too bad the entity owns the adjacent parcel of property appears to have abandoned it. There are few things I like more than watching two developers having a litigation slug-fest.
As my husband and I were preparing to depart, were heard a man shout:
You taking pictures of my building?
It was the owner of 154 West Street. He was not at all upset, if anything he seemed to be amused. This is sort of ironic given I found something very amusing about his building. It was the placement of the air conditioner boxes he saw fit to install.
Think about it for a minute: if this building is like many others in Greenpoint (and New York City), the lot for 154 West Street ends at the above wall. If this is true, those A/C boxes are on 150 West Street’s property. Wouldn’t be fun if the owner of 150 finally found the wherewithal to do something with this rather sizable and prime piece of real estate? If he (or she) did, his neighbor to the north would be a prime candidate for a triple Fedderdectomy.
Miss Heather
The Greenpoint Monitor Museum
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
No, I am not talking about that Monitor Museum. Rather, I am referring to the rapid proliferation of monitors in this tree pit on McGuinness Boulevard. When I walked by this location October 19, there was but a solitary Mac.
A little over 48 hours later, however, I noticed the curator of this open air museum saw fit to diversify his (or her) collection with the addition of a P.C.
Or is that two P.C.s? Truth be told, it is kind of hard to tell.
Those of your who wish to make a donation to Greenpoint’s other Monitor Museum can take your (non-tax deductible) ‘contribution’ to the tree pit south of Freeman Street on McGuinness Boulevard. Macs and P.C.s are equally welcome. Upon receipt our highly trained panel of experts will ensure your generous gift is fucked up beyond all recognition.
Miss Heather
Peace on Franklin Street
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
This can be seen on Franklin between Green and Freeman Street.
Miss Heather
Happenings at 209 1/2 Eckford Street
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Saturday was one of those days when my husband and I could not agree on anything. Even the route for walking to Grand Street was the source of much debate. I wanted to use Kent Avenue, Mr. Heather preferred Diamond or Newel Street. My being pretty adamant about avoiding Karl Fischer’s giant green monstrosity forced us to reach a compromise: Eckford Street.
This street too has its fair share of eyesores, but for whatever reason I seem to find them a little more tolerable than their companions to the east. In fact, I find Crater Lake hilarious in its own dark way. But back to my story.
When we reached 209 1/2 Eckford, arguably one of the ugliest sights on this street, I noticed something was amiss.
Intrigued, I went in for a closer look.
Bridge Realty, part of the unholy alliance that has blessed Greenpoint with such monuments to fine architecture and good taste as Belvedere I (through infinity), has been performing a little work on this “fixer-upper”.
Slip shod work.
Is that hole supposed to be there? Just curious.
And in keeping with the pervasive atmosphere of lawlessness that is the Greenpoint development feeding frenzy, the previous came to pass without the issuance or posting of the appropriate permits.
But the story does not end here, dear readers. No sir. Upon crossing Norman Avenue— which is only a short distance from 209 1/2 Eckford Street, I beheld something I have only seen in Greenpoint twice before. Excited, I immediately started taking pictures of my discovery. My husband even tore himself away from futzing around with his new cell phone to see what the subject of all my fuss and photography was.
Me: Sam, this is the third time I have seen one of these cars! It’s like seeing Bigfoot, Sasquatch or the Yeti! I wonder what it is doing here?
Sam: Maybe the guy lives here?
Excellent point. The driver of this car may very well live in Greenpoint. It’s not like he (or she) performs much (if any) work here.
Miss Heather
NYS Flickr Pool
