Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
A Couple Upcoming Events
There are a couple of exciting things going down in north Brooklyn this weekend. Without further ado, here they are.
Arts in Bushwick will be hosting Open Spaces Sunday, December 2 from noon until 8:00 p.m. Per their MySpace page:
Presented by Arts in Bushwick “Open Spaces” is a day of curated group shows in galleries and alternative art spaces. Over 30 galleries, local businesses and private residences will be hosting interdisciplinary shows centered around the Morgan and Jefferson stops of the L train. The creative energy and diversity of the Bushwick art community with be on display through an impressive variety of media: performance , visual installation, dance , poetry and music. Shows are open from 12 to 8pm and festivities continue into the night with live music, comedy and dance party.
Those of you who are interested in attending can get programs and maps the day of the event at:
- The Morgan and Jefferson stops of the L
- ADHOC art (49 Bogart Street)
- The Wyckoff Starr (30 Wyckoff Avenue) and all the host spaces.
- Or by clicking on the above image.
Tomorrow, December 1, The Diamond Bar will start accepting coats and canned goods for donation to NY Cares and the Greenpoint Reformed Church’s food pantry. Here are the details per their web site:
We want to gather coats for the 19th annual NY Cares coat drive and cans for the new food pantry at the Greenpoint Reformed Church. Whether or not you are a Christian, Muslim, or atheist, it doesn’t matter… these guys are getting food to people who need it in the community. Starting December 1, every can of food buys you a raffle ticket. Every gently used coat buys you ten raffle tickets. You’ve got until 12/17 to bring us stuff and gather your tickets.
The raffle will be conducted the evening of the 17th. Please note that ticket holders must be present in order to win. Prizes include a one night hotel and one day ski lift ticket for two at Belleayre in the Catskills and a $50.00 bar tab.
The Diamond Bar
43 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 383-5030
I know I will be taking some foodstuffs and a coat (or two) to the Diamond Bar this weekend. How about you?
Miss Heather
The Beginning
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
I spied this cryptic bump sticker while making a bodega run earlier this week.
The beginning of what, I wonder? No worries, I am certain we’ll all find out soon enough.
Miss Heather
When Advertecture Attacks: Hideousness on Huron Street
I was walking with my parents and generally having a good time…
until I saw this. I wonder what the local Fire Department would think of this piece of “advertising”? I think I’ll call the Fire Marshall’s Office and find out.
Miss Heather
Belvedere XX Goes Green: Kind Of
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Hmm. If I was a developer who built a buttload of crappy ass cookie cutter condos what would I do to generate interest? Oh wait, I know: I’d hire some spin doctor to turn my homogenized shit into individualized Shinola!
I must confess: this logo is pretty nice. It is me, or do those little green leafy things make me think of trees— or marijuana?
It’s sort of funny to have a logo invoking greenery when the fine folks at Belvedere/Bridge Realty seem to have killed the only tree on the premises. I won’t even go into the whole “No Dumping” thing because it is simply too easy.
Just like Babs “twat flop cakes” Corcoran advised, they covered the frontage with cement. I am certain this will add much value to my neighborhood.
Behold, another piece of condo crap!
And for the very reasonable starting price of $379,000 this view can be yours!
I too have a question for Babs:
Do your collars and cuffs match?
Having grown up in the land of fake blonds (Texas), I suspect her pixie-esque locks were begotten by peroxide. Why not drop trou and take one for the team, Barbara? Who knows, you might make a few (more) bucks. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
Hugs,
Miss Heather
Parental Visit Wrap-Up: Part I
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
My father was a Greenpoint greenhorn. Until I moved to Greenpoint he equated New York Shitty with the worst it had to offer: midtown Manhattan. Pa Heather made numerous trips to our fine city “on business” before he retired. These usually entailed being shacked up in some shitty corporate hotel on Times Square. Well, dear readers, he has returned home a Greenpoint believer.
Yessiree. The Pontiff of Poop (I acquired my predilection for all things scatological from dear old dad— he can back-up a toilet like no one’s business) loves him some Garden Spot.
This is the first thing that caught my father’s eye upon riding the G train for the second time: a woman wearing an incredibly short miniskirt with high heeled boots. Her entire ensemble was trimmed in gold. LOTS of gold. It was topped off by a huge mop of permed hair. BIG HAIR. After all, the bigger the hair, the closer to god.
Pa Heather: I saw a woman who looked like that while waiting at DFW (Dallas/Fort Worth Airport).
Me: It took me years to figure out the fashion here, but I did.
Pa Heather: ?
Me: You hit the nail on the head. There is very little difference between the likes of her and Texans. You could put her in a shopping mall in Dallas and no one would notice.
Therein lies the rub, dear readers: NO ONE WOULD NOTICE.
Inasmuch as we New Yorkers would fancy ourselves as being different, the fact of the matter is we Americans are all pretty much the same: Gauche. Hence why I didn’t mind when my mother chided me for dressing like “a bag lady” the last time she visited. There is no better means airing one’s dissent in an affluenzic society than looking like a homeless person. What’s more, it’s damned comfortable.
Methinks I will have to take this sociological experiment to a higher level. I will dye my hair gray. Nothing will render a person more invisible to our society than being elderly, poor, foul-mouthed and bat shit crazy. Maybe I’ll start a new trend and twenty-somethings will being eschewing Brooklyn Industries for the local pharmacy. Surgical stockings, colostomy cans, walkers and Metamucil might just become the new trucker hat. Who knows, crazier things have happened.
Miss Heather
What Would Guido Do?
Filed under: 11211, 11222, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Greenwood Heights, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
I created a little controversy recently when I referred to the Rat Man’s stomping grounds as being in Greenpoint. Addrobinson, a frequent New York Shitty commenter, noted:
Its funny you know him as the “rat maniac”, because to me & my friends he is “The Pigeon Maniac”. I always just assume that he was feeding the Pigeons and the rats took care of what the birds left behind. I also find it very odd that you consider that area to be “southeastern Greenpoint”, in all the years I have lived here that is the first time I’ve heard anyone even use that term, let alone call that area it.
What constitutes Greenpoint? This is a very contentious question. If you ask an old timer, as another commenter (Zeebah) suggested, he or she will tell you the area in question (Kingsland Avenue near Frost Street) is in Greenpoint. If you ask a real estate agent, he (or she) will call it Williamsburg. It is simply a matter of who benefits. Which brings me to this:
This rather nifty old photo can be seen at De Stefano’s Restaurant. Note the location where the picture was taken: Graham Avenue between Devoe and Metropolitan Avenue. Now let’s take a closer look at the neighborhood inscribed on this photo, shall we?
Interesting. My curiosity piqued, I asked the owner of the restaurant about this unusual piece of taxonomy. He explained to me that when he was a kid no one who lived in this area called it Williamsburg. That neighborhood was considered distasteful. Greenpoint, therefore, was used because it was considered to be “more classy”. So there have you.
What do I consider to be Greenpoint? Well, this map should give you a general idea.
The semi-transparent red line indicates the boundaries of the 11222 zip code. The additional shaded sections are areas I consider to be Greenpoint that fall outside this zip code. The more eagle-eyed among you will notice that the Greenpoint Hospital would be considered by many not to be in Greenpoint at all. It is also very telling to note that the engraved text (which read “Greenpoint Hospital”) which once graced the entrance of this building has been removed. I have little doubt this was done at the behest of a real estate professional. Perhaps the developer plans on having “East Williamsburg Hospital” inscribed its place?
I suppose there is no clear cut means of determining what constitutes Greenpoint— or any neighborhood, for that matter. Or is there? As daskol observed:
Guido, the mayor of Withers Street, will kick your ass if you refer to this area as Williamsburg. He might change his tune when it’s time to list his property.
I think it is time for us to stop bickering and ask ourselves a much more important question:
What would Guido do?
Miss Heather
In Praise of Stupidity
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Unlike most people who bemoan the downward spiral of human intelligence seems to be taking nowadays, I believe this brain drain to be a positive development. Had my fellow hominids been graced with greater gifts of the mind I assure you most of them would busy themselves by concocting in one dishonest scheme or another. Nobel Prize material most people are not.
Now that I think about it, even those with marginal mental mettle usually employ it in some nefarious fashion. Take my former neighbor (PLEASE). She, a 50-something year old, 300 plus pound, non-English speaking Puerto Rican woman had a novel idea about how to generate some revenue: steal and cash one of Miss Heather’s unemployment checks. Though I am certain she thought her plan to be fool-proof, the reality was it had certain fundamental flaws:
- When asked to present identification (in order to cash said check) merely pointing at one’s self and then at the check in question will not suffice.
- A person of Hispanic origin is probably going to encounter certain difficulties cashing a check made out to a person with a Polish/Lithuanian surname in Little Poland. It’s just a wee bit suspicious.
Needless to say the woman at the check cashing establishment confiscated the check and I got it back. Hence, why I am pro-stupidity: it makes criminals (like my dip shit former neighbor) easier to catch. In fact, the only thing I can think that would be dumber than what this woman did would be to rob a store and leave your picture.
Well guess what, readers! A pair of thieves did just that right here in good old Greenpoint, no less. From the September 28, 1913 edition of the New York Times, I present to you two of the dumbest criminals to ever grace the Garden Spot.
I wonder why these chaps were “taken aback and annoyed” by this photograph? Was the lighting bad? Did he capture their bad sides? Oh wait, I know: it made their butts look big!
Miss Heather
Shitty Reliquary
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Cleaning Chateau de Ghetto is not unlike Christmas morning: there’s always some hitherto unknown treat to be found under any given pile of crap. Last week’s pre-parental visit scrub down was no exception. Follows are a few items of New York City interest I (being my own Santa Claus) purchased, forgot about and had the pleasure of rediscovering.
A piece of the 3rd Avenue El. It is interesting to note that Hulan E. Jack was sworn into office as Manhattan Borough President on December 31, 1953. In so doing, he became the first African American to hold a major elective office.
A textbook about New York City history dating from 1899 (one year after incorporation). I have started to scan this book into PDF format and plan to make it available (via New York Shitty) to download. While it only has a scant two pages about Brooklyn, I imagine it will make for a nice bit of winter time reading for a number of you.
But enough History 101, let’s have a little fun!
The fine folks at Garbage Pail Kids dubbed her Libby Liberty. But I prefer to call her Greenpoint Gertie…
or Newtown Creek Nancy!
Miss Heather
The Queensboro Kitten: ADOPTED!
I am pleased to announce that not only did Jeff, a cute little fella who was found wandering around on the 59th Street Bridge, get a new home over the holiday weekend, but he is now a Greenpointer! Lisacat writes:
If he wasn’t headed for Greenpoint, it’s too late to change his mind now! He’s living in our lovely neighborhood now with a really nice couple who found him on your blog. They want to remain anonymous for now but said it was ok to post a cropped photo (below). I’m going to post about it later, we got a funny email from the official Jeff Bridges website! Cute story…
I knew it! This little Lebowski wanted to go to Greenpoint all along (because, I suspect, he heard we have a bowling alley). He simply got a little confused and mistook the 59th Street Bridge for the Pulaski. It’s a perfectly understandable mix up for a seven week old kitten to make. Especially one working without the benefit of a map.
On the behalf of my fellow Garden Spotters, I’d like to give Jeff a great big Greenpoint welcome to the neighborhood! Those of you who can’t get enough of the Little Lebowski can click here and read more about his curious homecoming on BARC’s blog.
Miss Heather
UPDATE: Here’s an excerpt of an email I received from Jeff’s (or as I like to call him, The Dude’s) new people:
Hi, Miss Heather —
I’ve been meaning to write you to thank you SO much for sharing the story of Jeff, which led to his eventual adoption into a loving family on Lorimer Street! I’m a faithful reader (and admirer) of your site and once I saw him up there, I just couldn’t quit looking at him. As a matter of fact, I still can’t, which is why I’ve been so remiss in sending the thank-you note I owe you. I tell you, the cuteness is incapacitating. There oughta be a law.
My boyfriend Kevin managed to crawl out of the kitten torpor long enough to post a little something about Jeff (and his new sister, Dreamy, the one responsible for the alarming state of K’s hands) yesterday. Yes, he’s not only joining a Greenpoint household, but a household of Greenpoint bloggers (some of us lazier than others), the poor guy.
Photo Credit: Lisacat
Nimrod Station: Williamsburg Vs. Greenpoint
One poster, two different worlds on the crosstown local.
My mother dislikes my constant shutter bugging. Usually because it entails documenting things she considers distasteful and takes away from valuable shopping time. I, on the other hand, will gladly spend time (instead of money) savoring the best the G train has to offer in the way of subway poster vandalism. Such things make Miss Heather’s world go round.
Exhibit A: the Queens-bound platform of the G at Metropolitan Avenue, Williamsburg
One restless patron waiting for the crosstown local saw fit to inscribe the above poster with a little political commentary.
To wit, one of his teammates, Number 41, replies
Exhibit B: the Queens-bound platform of the G at Greenpoint Avenue, Greenpoint
After noting the exposed pudenda on the poster to the left, they got right down to business.
Number 13 is date material.
Number 37 placed, but Number 32 got the blue ribbon.
Oh wait, it was number 25, not 37. Nimrod 34 might have been deemed as “ugs”,
but he won Mr. Congeniality.
See what depths of depravity we G train patrons wallow in while waiting for the subway? After tiring of trying to overthrow the government, we take simple solace in cradle robbing.
Miss Heather
NYS Flickr Pool
