TOMORROW: India Street Park Meeting

February 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Here are the deets.

India Street Flier

On a completely unrelated note, parents don’t forget the Greenpoint Reformed Church will be conducting its children’s clothing and toy swap this afternoon from noon until four. Check it out!

For those of you who have the pleasure of having this unseasonably warm day off (and the poor souls who had to schlep to work anyway): Happy Presidents Day!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Say It With Flowers

February 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Flowers

I realize the above text is barely legible so I will transcribe it for you:

Flowers make me horny.

And this* kids is why Greenpoint is called the Garden Spot of the Universe!

Miss Heather

*Rats with floral fetishes on Monitor Street.

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: God Bless America

February 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

God Bless America

Mr. Steve might have been “BLESSED & SAVED BY GRACE”, but yesterday Monitor Street smelled like ass.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Speaking of shit that stinks, check this out.

Hey Adolf!

The above image probably looks familiar to a number of you. That’s because I featured it on New York Shitty last Sunday. Well, a certain web site decided to feature it yesterday.

Intellectual Property Theft

They were even nice enough to place their own watermark on it. Unfettered by such vagaries as copyright law or intellectual property they saw fit to neither link to the site where this photograph came from (New York Shitty) or give credit to the person who took the trouble to shoot and annotate it (yours truly).

Finding fun (and sometimes not so fun) material to post on this web site often involves a lot of time and footwork on my part. I have no complaints; it is a labor of love— what’s more I enjoy sharing this stuff and giving people a much-needed laugh. Rather, my complaint stems from having my work used without permission or even a simple citation. This is unacceptable.

UPDATE 2/19/08: I made my discontentment known College Humor via email. Not only was the person who contacted me very nice, but he promptly removed this image. Thanks guys.


Greenpoint Photo du Jour: X-Rated on McGuinness Boulevard

February 16, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

McGuinnesss Boulevard Tree

It looks like the brains behind the Bedford Avenue beaver has finally struck in Greenpoint.

Miss Heather

Ninth Ring of Hell on Franklin Street

February 15, 2008 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Greenpoint Magic 

If there is indeed a City of Dis, I am certain Karl Fischer “architect” designed it.

Case in point:

198 Franklin Street

This is 198 Franklin Street.

198 Franklin Street Shitty

This is 198 Franklin on Karl Fischer. (My hell.)

Any questions?

Karl Fischer:

That’s what makes parts of Brooklyn so special. You have all of these rowhouses, townhouses, smaller-scale developments, more neighborhood-friendly developments. You have more open space. The quality of life in this way is going to be preserved in Brooklyn.

Which “parts of Brooklyn” are “so special”, Karl? Clearly Greenpoint and Williamsburg are not among of them. Unless filling your wallet at our aesthetic expense makes us special— in which case Greenpoint and Williamsburg are:

VERY

FUCKING

SPECIAL

If you (or the little wizards under your employ) did any research or “Googled” 198 Franklin Street Karl, you’d know India Street runs eastward— not westward as your rendering depicts. Here’s a primer.

Gawkers on Franklin

The above automobile is using India Street incorrectly.

Petrol on India

The man driving this heating oil truck has the right idea. I’m certain the upscale tenants of 198 Franklin will love the hum of trucks and savor the scenic views of photographic/pornographic indiscretions next door.

Vigil at 202 Franklin Street

From the balconies you designed Karl, the “NEW Greenpoint affluent influx” can sip drinks and watch their neighbors demonstrate and conduct sleep-ins next door. What a deal!

I assure you, Mr. Fischer, it is a minor inconvenience. These displaced people renters only demonstrate quarterly.

Miss Heather

P.S.: The trees and upwardly mobile honkies are a hoot, by the way. Last time I walked by 198 Franklin I watched a bum sniff a gently-used bottle of Smirnoff Ice. It was not up to snuff. At ten in the morning, anyway. I’m certain your condo will make this location (and the local potions) more enticing.

Crosstown Local Cavalcade Volume VI: Looking For Love

February 14, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

(…in all the wrong places.)

Waiting for the G train can in and of itself be a chore. This task is not made any easier when I am forced to look at this lady.

Millionaire Matchmaker

And look at her (“twins”) I have for the better part of two months.

Annotation

I can only hope the above commentary is true. Now that the writer’s strike is over maybe they will dispense with this affluenzic clap trap.

Time and time again I wonder to myself why our society has such a fascination with wealth. Seriously, who could possibly find this drech interesting? Nobody I know does. Well, I recently got the answer to the aforementioned question on the Manhattan-bound platform of the L train at Lorimer Street.

Roller Girl

Nice rollers.

Miss Heather

Coffin Cacophony in Greenpoint

February 12, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

As I have stated in this and this post, Bedford Stuyvesant sports some of the fiercest bikes I have ever seen. I cannot for the life of me understand why Greenpoint didn’t build a dragster out of a coffin first, so I did a little research. That’s when I learned we Garden Spotters prefer to throw coffins, not ride in them. From the October 25, 1885 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle I present to you a donnybrook at William J. Moan’s funeral parlor. Enjoy!

William Moan, Coffin Thrower

Whatever you do, don’t get drunk with a mortician. You’ll never know when he might want to drum up a little business!

Miss Heather

TODAY: India Street Park Meeting And Iraqi Veterans Against The War

February 12, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

End of India Street

Today at 6:30 p.m. G.W.A.P.P. will be conducting a general information session at the Pencil Factory regarding the park slated for the western terminus of India Street. Stephanie Thayer of the Open Space Alliance will give a general overview of the project (among other things, I have heard affordable housing is a component— hopefully they’ll go into this) and discuss the next planning session (slated for February 19, time and venue to be determined). Little was said about this park at last month’s Town Hall meeting (the woman in charge of organizing it was unavailable to speak), but it sounds intriguing.

Pencil Factory
142 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Those of you who have the time and live on (or near) India Street really should attend this meeting. I have no doubt it will prove to be very interesting. Check it out!

Booklyn

If parks are not your cup of tea, I have also received word Booklyn will be hosting Iraqi Veterans Against the (Gulf) War this evening at 6:30 p.m. as well.

Booklyn
37 Greenpoint Avenue, Floor 4
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Those of you who cannot attend this event but want to learn more about Booklyn will be happy to learn they host Open Salon nights the first Tuesday of every month. At these events you can check out their collection of artist’s books and show off your own (if you happen to have any). Want to make books but need a little help? Don’t despair: subsequent Tuesdays are dedicated to Open Studios which are (per their web site):

…sometimes… called studio hours, sometimes it’s called labor or skill sharing… We will work for an hour or so on a Booklyn Production Project and in exchange, I’ll teach some book making and/or bring other folks through to teach. You might also exchange your labor for access to Booklyn’s guillotine, shears, saddle stapler, and paper folder.

Attendees are encouraged to bring food to share. A schedule for upcoming Open Studio nights can be yours by sending an email to:

catglennon (at) gmail (dot) com

And that, dear readers, is all she wrote!

Miss Heather

Dragster Of Death

February 12, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Greenpoint Magic 

The day was January 31, 2008. After going for a rather length jaunt through Greenpoint, Bushwick and Bedford Stuyvesant I was finally headed home. When I reached the Rite Aid at 783 Manhattan Avenue a car caught my attention.

Old Fireball

In fact “Old Fireball” was noticed by quite a number of people, so the owner decided to give them a show.

Old Fireball Back

He revved up the engine and the resulting noise (courtesy of glasspacks) echoed down the street. People cheered. Miss Heather thought this was pretty cool.

Now jump forward to Sunday, February 11, 2008. I was walking down Gates Avenue in Bed-Stuy when I beheld this.

Highway to Hell

The only words that found their way out of my mouth were Holy Shit! If I ever find myself needing some wheels to transport me to hell, I want this bad boy.

Highway to Hell

No one ever said eternal damnation couldn’t be stylish. What’s more, it even has a radio.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Oakland Street

February 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Any and all Greenpointers who want to see a remnant of pre-Robert Moses Garden Spot glory should check out the southwestern intersection of McGuinness Boulevard and Nassau Avenue.

Oakland Street

When you reach the Polskie Deli, you need not do anything more than look up. Before McGuinness Boulevard (in all its resplendent glory) came into being, it was a humble street called Oakland.

I have spent much time researching the thoroughfare that was Oakland. Most of what I found involved bar room brawls of one sort or another. But after Mr. Heather and I (working as a team) managed to kill our keyboard with bourbon Friday night (clearly that candy-ass piece of crap couldn’t hold its liquor), I decided this tome from the April 15, 1886 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle was the finest. Enjoy!

Prizefighter kicks ass

Lesson #1: Don’t pick a fight with a prizefighter.
Lesson #2: Especially if you happen to be three sheets to the wind.

As Jim Croce once sang:

You don’t tug on Superman’s cape, you don’t spit into the wind, you don’t tug on the mask of the lone ranger and you don’t mess around with Jim Willy Dacoy.

Miss Heather

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