PROGRESS

June 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Crazy People, Greenpoint Magic 

Sunday afternoon I received the following email from a tipster. “M” writes:

Have you seen the latest Greenpoint Courier? Inset in the newest issue is Volume 1, Edition 1 of ExxonMobil Progress, a 12-page – 6 in English, 6 in Polish – “newsletter” in which Exxon details the fine work they’re doing for the good folks of Greenpoint. Carolina Asirifi pens the introductory letter, which calls attention to the company’s grants to local schools and “underscores ExxonMobil’s commitment to safeguarding out neighbor’s health and safety in every aspect of our operation.”

Lord knows how much Exxon paid for this supplement, but I’d be surprised if it wasn’t enough to pay the paper’s production costs…

Fun bonus fact: The contact number that Exxon provides for suggestions from the community about future articles – 718-389-8789 – doesn’t work.

Needless to say I got off the computer and grabbed a copy of this paper immediately. You, dear readers, should do the same. It’s a real pisser.

Click on the above image and read this shit bomb yourself. Follows is my favorite quote. It comes from the article propaganda featured on page 5 entitled Progress Snapshot: Focus on Community Health and Safety… Our Highest Priority.

To safeguard your health and safety, we installed and maintain more than 240 monitoring wells to help us accurately identify the location and depth of the underground plume of the underground plume of petroleum products.

The above statement makes it sound like Exxon dug these wells out of the kindness of their little hearts. This is not true; they were required to install them. This tome goes on to reassure us, the Greenpoint public, that of the measly 52 houses tested, none came up positive for vapors. Whew I sure feel better sleeping at night knowing Exxon is on the case! How about you?

I have also learned recently that our good neighbors at Exxon Mobil are quite the model citizens. Did you know that thanks to Vito Lopez, Exxon Mobil has been “partners” with the N.Y.P.D. Auxiliary Police since 1991? They have donated over $200,000 to this cause. Wow!

As a matter of fact Exxon Mobil has thrown a lot of chump change around our fair burgh recently. Here’s a list of what I am aware of:

  • The N.Y.P.D. Auxiliary Police (above)
  • St. Cecilia School (soon to be defunct— ironically there was an article about just this on the front page of this edition of the Greenpoint Courier.)
  • St. Stanislaus School
  • The Polish Film Festival. Per the Williamsburg Greenpoint News+Arts they threw “several thousand dollars” at this event. Here’s what the Director of this festival, Marco Ursino, had to say:

My position is that it is a good thing and it would continue to be a good thing if ExxonMobil is giving back to the community… If I can take some of that money and channel it to the community and people can benefit from it, it is good that they are willing to make the gesture.

Hey, at least the guy realizes he is being used. The folks at Town Square sure as fuck don’t.

Do you know of any other charitable contributions Exxon Mobil has made recently (in their attempt buy our trust)? If so, please pass them along to me via email at:

missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com

In closing, I’d like to leave you with this fun fact listed at the bottom of page 6 under an item entitled “West Point Comes To Greenpoint”*:

How many of these individuals are Public Relations officials? Just curious. I know for a fact Ms. Asirfiri has requested to be on the steering committee for a park slated to be built right here in Greenpoint. What’s more, she was added to the email list by the acting chair of the committee without any input whatsoever from the committee at large. Not only did the “chair” seemingly not have a problem with this arrangement, but two committee members who are actively engaged in litigation against Exxon were curiously excluded from this email:

Some of you may have noticed a new name added to the email list on the update I just sent: Carolina Asirifi, who is the community relations director for Exxon Mobil. (name excised) informed me last week that she’d like to be a member of our steering committee. I’m sure some of us might have a bone to pick re her employer and their policies, but I also think that we could potentially use her involvement to our advantage!

One does not use Public Relations officials, be they from Exxon-Mobil or elsewhere. The very nature of a P.R. hack’s job is to use us— and if all the previous is any indication, Ms. Asirfiri, et. al. are doing a smash-up job. If you any of you have an issue with Exxon-Mobil’s practice of throwing around pocket change instead of fessing up to their culpability regarding the oil spill (or simply want to call them on fobbing off a paid advertising section as “news”), don’t waste your time calling an inoperative phone number! Here’s Ms. Asirfiri’s email address:

carolina.a.asirifi (at) exxonmobil (dot) com

Why not let Exxon know today that some of us Greenpointers aren’t buying it. Or at least we demand a much higher price to sellout.

Miss Heather

*This confirms my suspicion that Greenpoint will be revealed as a manufacturer of W.M.D.s so as to facilitate “preemptive unilateral action” by the good ol’ U.S. of A. to take our precious petrol! Bastards.

Rides

June 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Greenpoint Magic 

This week I have been blessed with spotting no less than three fascinating motor vehicles. Yesterday I presented one of them (the Vandam R.V.). Here are the other two.

First up, this Bad Boy hailing from Greene Avenue in Bedford Stuyvesant.

Mister Heather says this is a Mercury. I say it is BAD ASS.

Here’s a shot of the rear.

Love the gearshift.

Next up is a little something I found as I was knocking around the industrial area of Greenpoint. It was a real show stopper. Literally.

Every car that drove by slowed down to a crawl to get a good eyeful of this bus.

And this bus is quite the eyeful.

Note the use of decapitated heads.

VIVA TIKA!

(Whoever that is.)

WARNING: objects in mirror are much stranger than they appear.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Wanna see more of this bus? Check out my photo set on flickr!

Crosstown Local Photo du Jour: Work Hard

June 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From the Smith & 9th Street bound platform at Greenpoint Avenue.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Love Grandma

May 31, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

The Trailer Spot

May 30, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic 

Earlier this week I wrote about meeting the man who lives in the Pla-Mor trailer on India Street. Well, it would appear he is not the only mobile home dweller in the Garden Spot. margotanyweather writes:

There’s actually a man who lives in an RV on Van Dam Street, too!

Wishing to see this for myself, I headed down to Van Dam.

Margot was right.

I didn’t see anyone about, but signs of habitation were present: a generator, welcome mat and lawn furniture.

A house is simply not a home without a decapitated head gracing the premises. In north Brooklyn it isn’t, anyway.

Miss Heather

St. Cecilia’s Update

May 30, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Earlier this month I wrote about the rumored sale of St. Cecilia’s holdings to developers. Well, after receiving a very angry phone call from my upstairs neighbor (whose son is an honor student this institution) this morning I have more to report. Per my neighbor, parents were given one month’s advance notice that the school would be closing. That’s right folks. ONE MONTH. AT THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR.

Initially parents were assured their children would be accepted to neighboring institutions. This appears not to be the case. Now my neighbor and the parents of other children attending St. Cecilia’s are scrambling to get their children placed into other schools —only to find they are not accepting new students.

In other news I have been told the school— and by that I mean the building proper will be converted into condominiums. Because, you know, that part of Greenpoint doesn’t have enough ‘luxury’ housing already. Why waste money educating our youth when there’s a buck to be made! Priorities, people!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Bad Santa

May 30, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Moultrie Street.

Miss Heather

Best On India

May 29, 2008 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Ever had one of those things you keep telling yourself you’ll get around to but never do? This post is one of those. After much delay I am going to clue you guys in about the happenings at 156 and 158 India Street. On May 19, 2008 a tipster wrote:

The house one lot down from my boyfriend and I received an order to vacate at about 3 pm on Saturday. Fire trucks blocked the street and stayed put.

We went down to get some food and I asked one of the ten or so firemen who were standing around one of the trucks what was going on. He said the building at 156 India was about to collapse and they had to immediately evacuate. I asked if this was due to undermining of the foundation because of construction at the neighboring lot (158 India Street — Ed. Note) and he said no.

It was just due to years and years and years of neglect…. We saw people taking everything they could carry and getting out… and ever since there’s been a police car parked out front of the house with a spot light pointed at the open door to the building.

Funny thing is, about two weeks ago my boyfriend saw a guy coming home to 156 India with a chick, presumably his date…

Male Resident of 156 India: Here we are! My new place…
Chick: You live here…? (Incredulous look)
M.R.156 India: I know, I know, it looks shitty from the outside, but wait ’til you see my space!

Lucky for her she saw it before it collapses into a heap.

This house was evacuated May 17, 2008 after the F.D.N.Y. had the Department of Buildings checked the structural stability on a non-load bearing wall following a complaint of the “BUILDING SHAKING/VIBRATING/STRUCT STABILITY AFFECTED“. The Department of Buildings’s findings are as follows:

(HAZARDOUS) FAILURE TO MAINTAIN EXTERIOR BUILDING WALL. DEFECT IS:REAR WALL IS ROTTED,DEFECTIVE AND PULLING AWAY FROM WOOD FRAME. FIRE ESCAPE IS IN DANGER DUE TO AFFECTED REAR WALL AND COULD DISLODGE IF USED.

Pretty bad, eh? Brace yourself because it gets worse.

The owner of this building was cited by the Department of Buildings for more or less the same problem OVER A YEAR AGO. As you can see, Mr. Nealis was fined $2,500. He has yet to pay up. In fact, if you browse the ECB violations for 156 India Street, you’ll notice non-payment of fines and non-compliance seem to be his modus operandi. Here’s one of my personal faves. It dates from May 5, 2007:

FAILURE TO MAINTAIN BLDG. NOTED: AT CELLAR OF FRONT BLDG=NO FIREPROOF ENCLOSURE FOR BOILER RM,MISSING FIREPROOFING AT CEILING AT VARIOUS LOCATION,ROTTED JOISTS NEXT TO BOILER RM,LARGE AMOUNT OF DEBRIS THRU-OUT

Gee, that sounds really fucking dangerous. You might be interested to know that once again a fine of $2,500 was levied. It remains unpaid. Stick we me— it only gets more interesting. Take this fun fact, for example.

Kevin Nealis is (or at least was) the owner of another property in Greenpoint with an interesting history: 95 Clay Street. If this address sounds familiar to you, it is because I have written about it. Repeatedly. An apartment building was recently built there with no permits whatsoever.

I don’t know about you, but this Nealis chap sounds like a fun guy. What’s more, he may very well be responsible for a Greenpoint first:

A construction site being evacuated because the existing building next to it posed an imminent threat to public safety.

Or did the chaps at 158 India Street (Best On India LLC!*)have a hand in the demise of their neighbor? Their brand-spanking new Stop Work Order would certainly suggest so:

OBSERVATION OF DEFECTIVE AND SUB-STANDARD WORK IN PROGRESS

I suppose only the Department of Buildings and the owner of 156 and Best on India LLC only know for certain. There is, however, one thing I can assert with total confidence: thanks to one landlord’s total disregard for the safety of his tenants and the Department of Buildings appalling lack of effective enforcement six individuals and/or families are now homeless. This is inexcusable.

On the brighter side, at least this family was spared being displaced. I wonder who their landlord is?

Miss Heather

*I am NOT kidding. Click here and see for yourself!

Greenpoint Gets A New Bus Shelter!

May 29, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Those of you who were out and about last weekend probably noticed that we have finally been given one of those slick-looking new bus shelters. It is located on Manhattan Avenue just north of Greenpoint Avenue.

Here it is. You can almost smell the cement curing. Greenpoint is sure getting tony nowadays. First it was Starbucks, now it is a nice shiny new bus shelter. I wonder what we’ll get next— more efficient subway service perhaps? NAH.

Here is a woman using said shelter correctly. I’m glad to see my fellow Greenpointers have adapted to this new addition to our urban landscape effortlessly.

What’s more, someone or something has already seen fit to christen it! The powers that be can throw as many new bus shelters, luxury condominiums and double skinny lattes they want at us. There are some things that will never change. An ordinary person would tender their thanks for civic improvements (such as this shelter) by writing their duly elected officials. Not us. We are not ordinary. We are Greenpointers and we have our own inimitable manner of expressing gratitude.

Miss Heather

Hey Joe

May 29, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bum Shit, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit 

(Someone in the Garden Spot really, really does not like you.)

Yesterday afternoon I ran errands. Among my tasks was purchasing household cleaning products. Let’s just say one of our cats decided to use our bedroom as a vomitorium, I will spare you the details except to say it was quite disgusting.

As anyone in the know will tell you, any and all consumer products in Greenpoint are to be found in one place: Manhattan Avenue, so I headed there without delay. When I reached the Greenpoint Furniture store I noticed a man standing in front of the door. Well, noticed isn’t exactly the right word— HEARD is much more like it. Imagine this, if you will, being bellowed in the biggest Brooklyn honk imaginable:

You know what you are Joe? You’re a fuggin’ piece of shit! That’s what! A fuggin’ piece of shit!

Over and over. I turned to the man next to me, gave him my best “wtf” look and said:

It’s always healthy to let your anger out. What’s more, if I ever meet a guy named Joe I will know he is a fucking piece of shit.

He laughed.

I then went back about my business, as did my fellow bystander and the man who hates Joe.

Several hours later after I accomplished all the chores on my “to do” list I decided to head home via my favorite thoroughfare: McGuinness Boulevard. I have extolled upon the magical qualities of the street named after Greenpoint’s favorite alderman many times. I will do so yet once again here: McGuinness Boulevard is the undiluted essence of all things Greenpoint. It is the very soul of the Garden Spot. Some of the most interesting things I have ever seen have been found on this boulevard. Yesterday was no exception.

This mural is located on Newton Street. It originally read “diva”. As you can see, someone has seen fit to make a few annotations.

I really like this shot. Methinks this image should be on a greeting card. Seriously.

Not since high school have I seen hatred meted out in such a passionate and heated fashion. This person is seriously angry. If any of you are wondering what that brown stuff is, use your imagination. If that fails, here’s a clue: read the url for this web site.

You know, I cannot help but respect someone who would do this. I do not condone their behavior, mind you. I simply believe it is good policy to have a healthy respect for people who have no qualms whatsoever about picking up shit off the sidewalk and smearing it on a wall. Even I wouldn’t do that. If you’re out there reading this Joe, take my advice: stay away from McGuinness Boulevard.

Miss Heather

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