From The New York Shitty Inbox: Much Ado About AC Units
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, New York City
A fellow named Adam writes:
Dear Miss Heather,
This morning, a coworker pointed me to this field guide to AC units on Urban Omnibus. Of course it brought me back to what I remember as your “Articles of Feddersization” piece on New York Shitty some years ago… but I can’t seem to find it. Do I misremember the name? Was it all in my head?Dying for a link,
Adam
To answer Adam’s question: New York Shitty has a category called “Articles of Fedderization”— but that is not the purpose of this post. Rather, I found the above-mentioned tome a rather fun read. So much so I had to document one of my favorite bits of ingenuity: a window unit head secured in place with a copy Webster’s Dictionary and a tome about cultural literacy! Who says reading is a waste of time?
From The New York Shitty Inbox, Part II: FIOS For Everyone!
A very nice lady named Marcy writes:
Dear Miss Heather,
I’m hoping you can post a little notice about this petition (and the link) on your most useful and lovely nyshitty website as there are some of us (many) living on the less tony streets of Greenpoint who cannot for the life of us get decent fast internet from Verizon because we are (sadly) considered to be marginal in the eyes of Big Brother Verizon.
I actually made the petition because the Verizon techs themselves (who are always here as our DSL is always down) suggested it as the only way to get noticed (outside of contacting TV stations)…They told us they (Verizon) won’t bother with us (unless we raise a stink) or until the new towers go up. All the details are in the petition itself.
Here it is—with thanks in advance if we can get some more folks to sign if they see it on your site!
As some of you reading this might be aware, yours truly (somewhat) recently moved to bigger, better digs. On Manhattan Avenue, no less. There is one building on my block— ONE— which has FIOS. Why this is so I have no idea. And I down with this? You bet your ass I am!
Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Wall Street, Unoccupied
It would appear that 739 Manhattan Avenue is not only for rent but it appears to be listed by Sotheby’s.
WOW.
NOTE: I was unable to locate this listing on Warren Lewis/Sotheby’s web site. However, my jaw dropped when I stumbled upon this and this. Once again: WOW.
Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: 24 Hours Later
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Stuff That Makes Miss Heather Happy, Urban Artifact
(Or: How Heather Beats The Heat)
Yesterday I noted that a number of interesting “additions” have been made to one of yours truly’s favorite urban artifacts: the Greenpoint Avenue teddy bear. I also received a missive from a reader. I will include part of this correspondence here as it is pertinent to this post (as you will see).
Hi, Miss Heather:
I notice that posting on NewYorkShitty has been a little minimal lately. Is the heat keeping you down? I’m just hoping you’re not having any health problems…
To answer, albeit in reverse order:
- No health problems here. I have simply been needing to take a break and focus my attention on things non-bloggy. To name a couple: Chez Shitty 2.0 (“home improvement”) and art (or as I prefer to call it: “making things”). These have been neglected for some time and I felt it was time to dedicate more attention to them. This I have done because…
- it is, in case you have not noticed, HOT AS HELL! Inasmuch as I thoroughly enjoy walking around points Green and beyond, the fact of the matter is triple digit heat indices are not to be trifled with. As trite as the adage may seem, heat stroke is no joke. Thus, I have been spending a considerable amount of time indoors (and in the comfort of air conditioning). I have not been idle. Quite to the contrary: I have been quite busy. Which brings me back to the teddy and the point of this post.
Yesterday he (?) was not looking so hot— perhaps the heat was to blame? Perhaps he got into a scrap? Teddy bears tell no tales. Despite the rather jaunty “suit” jacket and wreath generously donated by some anonymous hooligan, he had what appears to be a black eye. A “shiner”. His eye “proper” is white. I found this is rather disquieting. Knowing that a number of children like to talk to “teddy” coming and going from WNYC Transmitter Park (I myself have observed this) I felt this needed to be addressed— you know, for the kids— and address it I did!
First I acquired an eye patch from a local pharmacy. You can see the box in which this item was housed at left. I saw fit to feature it here because I find it compelling. As a resident of Greenpoint for thirteen years I have seen a great many individuals (men mostly— but not entirely) brandishing eye patches. Methinks I need not delve into why this is so. Such things “happen” here. Some of these eye patches are improvised. For example: just this week I saw a fellow who had repurposed a jar lid for just this purpose— very inventive if you ask me. Others are precisely like the one this chap is sporting.
Nonetheless none of my neighbors who have had the misfortune of needing such an item— not a single one— look like the fellow on this box. Not only is he too handsome*, but he is smiling. It has been my observation— and once again this is informed by living in the “Garden Spot”— that when someone has undergone an experience whose aftermath requires an eye patch, he is not happy. Quite to the contrary. In the interest of fair and balanced reporting I will note one exception. Those who live in north ‘Point will known about whom I am writing. He can generally be found on the northern end Manhattan Avenue sporting a sombrero and singing. In addition to actually being a pretty good singer (really), he is without argument one of the happiest people I have ever seen. His mirth/merry-making is contagious— but he is the exception to the rule. And I digress.
I felt simply appointing “Teddy” with a black eye patch was not enough. If someone cared enough to make him a jacket and wreath, I should follow suit. Thus I rummaged through all my fabrics, knick-knacks, etc. until I created something properly cheerful. It took a while but I succeeded!
(drum roll please…)
For those of you who are wondering— and I am certain more than a few of you, gentle readers are— my “creative process” (what led to the above-depicted item) was as follows:
- I located a remnant of children’s fabric sporting frogs. Frogs make me happy. Frogs make pretty much anyone happy. So frogs it is.
- I added a floral border around the patch. I like flowers. Yet, it was lacking still so…
- I continued rummaging and found a cache of googly eyes. After some consideration I decided that if teddy had lost an eye— and he being a block mayor of sorts— I’d give him a few replacements (so he can continue being our eyes on the street). I decided the frogs needed eyes as well.
I brought my creation to the attention of my landlord. He has proven to be quite an excellent sounding board regarding things creative (and utterly ridiculous) in times past. This time was no exception. He posited that perhaps Teddy required a peg-leg, via a viz, a pirate. I replied that pirates, not unlike unicorns, are a mite bit over-referenced by the newer residents hereabouts (hell, one of the kickball teams flies a jolly roger for chrissakes). Pirates have become a cliche. Something more north Brooklyn/New York City-centric was in order. We talked further and then inspiration struck: crusties! The rest, well, speaks for itself…
Mission Accomplished!
*So much so I have told the Mister and I making this fellow the wallpaper on my “smart phone”. When people ask me who he is (and they will) I will say he is my husband. Believe it or not, my husband understood.
New York Shitty Photo Du Jour: Josef
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Stuff That Makes Miss Heather Happy
Taken July 19, 2013.
Urban Fur: Heatwave!
Two of Manhattan Avenue’s hard-working cats let it all hang out!
New York Shitty Street Art Du Jour: Popsicle
From Greenpoint Avenue.
Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: 280 Days & Counting!
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Stuff That Makes Miss Heather Happy, Urban Artifact
I for one am particularly fond of Teddy’s “new” jacket. Very nice! (Previously.)
From The New York Shitty Inbox: Caretakers Needed!
A lady named Victoria (who sent me the above-depicted charming rendering of the kittehs in question) writes:
EMERGENCY VOLUNTEERS NEEDED FOR FOUR CATS AT WEST AND FRANKLIN!
Help us see four cats through the construction on India Street. Caretakers moving. Need to fill morning and/or evening shifts. Cats are wonderful, lovely animals. Need fresh cold water and food. Please help! Need several people right away.Please contact Deirdre at 718 938-5008.
Crosstown Local Service Suspension Survival Tip: The Shuttle Bus Is Not— Repeat— NOT A Taxi
Filed under: 11222, Crosstown Local, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Planet Entitlement
Unlike a lot of folks, the disruption of G train service on weekends does not bother me the least bit. I am fully aware of and sympathize with business owners who will lose revenue as a result of what the MTA is doing: work on the “Greenpoint Tubes”. Lack of access equals less foot traffic which equates to less business. I get it. Really I do. I also understand the hardship this poses for those who have to commute to work, largely service workers all, on weekends. These hardworking (and largely underpaid) people get my utmost empathy.
However, as a citizen I do have to say there are some upshots to having a suspension of service. For starters: less foot traffic has made the neighborhood significantly quieter. Secondly, this has served as a crucial inducement for yours truly to direct her attention to some much-needed maintenance at Chez Shitty. Lastly, watching how my neighbors adapt to this change in their routine has proven to be interesting and downright hilarious. This post is about the latter-most two points.
Today’s “agenda” is simple enough: finish touching up the paint job in the bedroom and hang drapes (in anticipation of the upcoming heat wave). As is usually the case, this entailed a lot more preliminary preparation than meets the eye. Furniture had to be removed. Before furniture can be removed the overflowing contents of the laundry hamper has to be removed. For all intents and purposes the hamper has ceased to be little more than a general target, a marker if you will, of the day’s spent apparel. I learned upon further excavation this included shoes. Lots of them. I was not pleased by this and decided it was time to take action. I would procure not one— but TWO— laundry hampers: “his” and “hers”. As governmental policy “separate but equal” is a crock of shit— but anyone who has a partner will attest that on occasion this is not such a bad idea. It keeps the domestic peace.
My mission was simple:
- acquire two identical laundry hampers
- these would be found on Manhattan Avenue
- install them side by side in the place of the deceased one
For what it is worth, I was successful. However, when I crossed Greenpoint Avenue (headed south) I beheld something quite amusing. A young woman, upset that she had missed the shuttlebus, gave chase while her boyfriend/partner continued to talk on his cell phone. She managed to catch up to said bus at Noble Street and, her eyes lit up in anticipation, attempted to “hail” it as one does a taxi. No dice.
Not believing my eyes I decided to watch how this played out. In other words: I followed the couple who was following the bus (it was en route to where I was headed anyway, what’s another five minutes of my time?). Another attempt was made at Calyer.
You cannot see her (her man friend photobombed my attempt to document this hilarity)— but here she is trying to get the attention of the shuttle bus driver once more. What followed provided yours truly with today’s heaping helping of Schadenfreude. Yet another wide-eyed look of hope and hand held high “hailing”. But this time it was clouded by the realization that the bus driver had not, in fact, simply not seen her the first time. Rather, she was being ignored. Yours truly commenced to laugh hysterically. I still am laughing.
When I arrived home I told the Mister about my little adventure. In the course of our conversation he made a very piquant point:
I wonder if she makes the conductor of the G train stop wherever she wants?
I’d like to see her try it. I mean, the amount of time and effort she spent chasing that bus down she could have simply waited for another one— or simply walked to Nassau Avenue. Hell, she was already halfway there!
I replied.
The point of having public transportation is it serves the public. This is why it is called “public transportation”. A shuttle bus is not a taxi. If one requires a taxi many can be found here. Easily. Chasing down a shuttle bus is not only an exercise in futility but the sense of entitlement such an action entails provides ample entertainment to people such as myself. And one such person might take the time from more pressing/important matters (READ: procrastinate) to author a blog post about it. Hey, it is not like yours truly is going anywhere.
Cut these shuttle bus drivers some slack, folks. They have a job to do.
You must be logged in to post a comment.