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Culture on the Cheap
From The New York Shitty Inbox: Missing Something?
More specifically: has anyone lost a “valued-added” pair of green sweatpants and consequently any remaining shred of human dignity? If so, worry no more (at least not about the pants). Someone has found them near the White Castle on Metropolitan Avenue! Via Craigslist:
Two nights ago I found a pair of green sweatpants with blue boxer briefs inside. Both the undies and the sweats had been defecated upon, then possibly dragged for several meters before being discarded alongside of the road. The nearby White Castle suggests that an explosive bowel movement took place shortly after the consumption of numerous jalapeno sliders and buffalo chicken rings. The victim, possibly wearing a long jacket or sweater capable of hiding their genitalia, proceeded to strip down their shit-stained trousers and continue walking like nothing ever happened.
If this sounds eerily similar to what happened to you at 4:30 AM this past Saturday and you care to reclaim your filthy sweats and undies, please contact the above email address. And shame on you.
Quicklink: New Year’s Day Sexual Assault In “Greenpoint”?
The “good” news: this assault did not happen in Greenpoint. It came to pass on Maspeth Avenue (East Williamsburg). Not that this makes the fact a sexual assault came to pass any more appetizing: it doesn’t. You can read NBC’s very general rundown of what happened by clicking here. Otherwise, please PLEASE exercise extra vigilance while out and about late at night north Brooklynites— and watch out for each other!
UPDATE, 9:35 p.m.: This evening it was brought to my attention that a similar (and thankfully: unsuccessful) sexual assault came to pass this same evening in the same general area (Humboldt near Withers Street, about a ten minute walk north). Although I have asked for more details here’s what I know: this incident came to pass around 4:00 a.m. The woman, thinking quickly, screamed until she got the attention of neighbors (who called the police). The “perp” (who it should be noted, had his “tackle” out and ready to “go”) got scared and ran away.
Special thanks goes out to Queens Crap for bringing this to my attention.
Happy 2012 From New York Shitty!
Filed under: 11206, Bushwick, Bushwick Brooklyn, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn, Stuff That Makes Miss Heather Happy
This oldie but goody (and yours truly’s favorite reader contribution EVER) hails from (where else?) Bushwick. Party on, north Brooklynites— but not too hard!
From The New York Shitty Inbox: Homeless After The Holidays
Filed under: 11211, 11222, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
Last night the plight of these two furkids— and their “people”— was brought to my attention by a friend. To keep a long (and very sad) story short their human family has to vacate their apartment and, not having any resources upon which to fall, will be forced to enter the shelter system. This is bad. Now imagine, if you will, being told there is no shelter space available for families in Brooklyn so you and your children will (in all probability) have to move to the Bronx. This is worse.
I for one cannot imagine what it must be like to not only face homelessness but also having to leave the community I call home. If there was a time someone needed friends above anything else this would be it. But our city does not exactly see it that way. So move they will. Which brings me to the subject of this post: while the city might accord this family shelter— however remotely located— they are not in the business of housing homeless cats.
Bootsie and Footsie are two healthy, neutered, two year old brothers who need our help. Here is how they were described to me:
Bootsie– tuxedo like a lap dog. Laid back. Loves string, mouse toys, boxes . Watches tv.
Footsie– tabby cat. Loves feet. Sitting on lap, aluminum balls, string, bags, very active.
Ideally their family would like a foster arrangement so when they get back on their feet their furry friends can come back “home”. In the meantime they would prefer— but do not require— the ability to visit Bootie and Footsie on occasion. I have also been told someone will provide food and litter to whomever is kind of enough to provide these two handsome chaps temporary accommodations.
I realize Christmas has come and gone. But why not demonstrate some holiday spirit by being a friend to a few fellas who, for reasons well outside of their control, cannot help themselves. This is not only the right thing to do, but given the state of our economy nowadays anyone— and I mean anyone— could find themselves in a similar situation. This of course includes you and me. Have a heart.
Anyone interested in providing Bootsie and Footsie a home (or can otherwise help) please shoot me an email at missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (com). I will make sure your inquiries get forwarded to their family who, it should be noted, will have to vacate their home next weekend.
Thanks!
Williamsburg Photos du Jour: Season’s Greetings From Graham Avenue
Filed under: 11211, Advanced Life Forms, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn, The Natives Are Getting Restless, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
Taken December 30, 2011.
From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Grand Street Bridge
Filed under: 11211, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn, Newtown Creek
Taken by Noah Devereaux.
East Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Season’s Greetings From Boerum Street
Filed under: 11206, Bushwick, Bushwick Brooklyn, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn
Taken December 20, 2011.
From The New York Shitty Inbox: Season’s Greetings From Monitor Street
Filed under: 11222, Criminal Activity, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic
On November 27th, Jay noted:
New access cover on Monitor street. Third replacement this year. There’s still a month left in 2011 for this one to get swiped, too.
This morning, December 22nd, Jay writes:
With just over a week left in 2011 another access cover on monitor street has been swiped. That makes 4? 5? for this year alone. I’ve lost count. Will the next one come gift wrapped?
Since we Greenpointers have by and large been a good lot, perhaps Santa and his elves will see fit to give us a new one? My advice is as follows: Monitor Street residents leave a plate of milk and cookies next to this pilfered man hole come December 24th. (Hey, a little bribery never hurt!) In the meantime I would like to humbly recommend the following to our fair city:
- Some attempt at policing the scrap metal businesses (which are clearly purchasing these stolen goods) be made.
- These access covers be fashioned out of a material (plastic perhaps?) which render them non-lucrative to sell.
In closing, I will leave you with some more handiwork of our local entrepreneurs courtesy of a lass named Robin.
She writes:
Hey heather ,
Here are some pix of missing covers. one is on Withers St. by Graham the other 2 are right across the street from Scrap It Up, on Maspeth and Morgan where all the guys go with their shopping carts full of “scrap”. It was too dark when I past but you should check out the naked fire hydraint out in front, LOL.
NYS Flickr Pool
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