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Shitzilla
Filed under: Dung of the Day
I found this monstrousity on the northeast corner of Huron Street and Manhattan Avenue. I am going back tomorrow to measure it— it’s friggin HUGE! The dog that pinched this loaf is probably bigger than my great aunt’s old Delta 88. YIKES!
5/15/06: The rain has winnowed it down a bit, but here it is…
5/18/06: After (even) more rain, most of it is still there. This isn’t mere dog shit, it’s fucking strontium 90!
Dung of the Day: Rated NC 17
Filed under: Dung of the Day
After you look at dog shit long enough you notice that each turd has its own ‘personality’, if you will.
As a result, each of my daily walks has become a free-style Rorschach Test, e.g., this one looks like a bunny rabbit, that one looks like clown, etc… You get the idea.
Today’s “Dung of the Day” (found at the southeastern corner of Manhattan Avenue and Eagle Street) looks like a… um, well… I’ll let you figure it out on your own…
Shits Ahoy!
A few days ago I put up (yet another) post about the all the friggin’ dog shit on my block. The following is the closing line from this post:
But the question that nags at me is this: do these people simply not notice all the dog shit in front of their buildings or do they not care?
The check my mouth cut to kismet May 8th was cashed May 10th, dear readers. So much for ‘float’. Anyhoo… today around 12:30 p.m. I headed down to the Greenpoint Coffee House to get some iced tea. When I reached 93 Green Street this is what I found:
1. an unattended (lonely and unleashed) dog and…
2. a bunch of dog shit.
Now jump forward to 8:00 p.m. this same day…
My husband, a friend of ours from out of town and I were walking down Green Street (again). We reached 97 Green Street and this is what we saw:
1. May 8th’s “Dung of the Day” kicked into the street and…
A SIGN!
I am happy to know someone (other than myself) gives a damn, but he/she should consult this guy for sign-making tips.
***UPDATE 5/13/06*** The sign is gone and so is the dog shit. HOORAY!
Dung of the Day (WARNING: this is NASTY)
Filed under: Dung of the Day
Rare are the days when I see something repulsive enough to make me wince.
I have lived in New York City long enough to build-up a certain ‘immunity’ to things that would give someone in, say, Idaho, an apoplexic fit. I understand what Frank Sinatra meant when he sang that song about the “city that never sleeps”; one does not get much sleep when surrounded by 8+ million OTHER people pissing, shitting, puking, brawling, drinking, fornicating, masturbating, etc., in every nook and cranny to be found AROUND THE CLOCK. Conversely, there is not much sleep to be had if one is engaged in pissing, shitting, puking, brawling, drinking, fornicating, masturbating, etc., ad nauseum. To summarize: it can get a wee bit messy here and I have adjusted lowered my expectations accordingly.
That said, today was one of those days when I saw something that made me go “ewwww!“.
I found this on Huron Street between Manhattan Avenue and McGuinness Boulevard. I apologize for the blurry image, as I was cringing when I took this photo.
I would be remiss if I didn’t comment on the (yet unexplored but brilliant) concept of actually eating the toilet paper so it will ‘wipe’ your ass later when you ‘pass’ it.
This would be perfect for a roommate I had once who too lazy to do anything, including jerking off. (“Too much work” he said.) Proper rectal hygiene was apparently also too time-consuming to merit any attention on his part.
Sadly, I know the previous to be a fact because he once left a skid-marked pair of panties on bathroom floor for 2 days. Having had enough, I put on a pair of rubbler gloves, placed the panties in a ziploc bag, and taped this at eye level on the refrigerator (with the ‘business’ showing, naturally). It never happened again.
Brown Street
Filed under: Dung of the Day
On May 4th I wrote a post about the proliferation of dog crap to be found in and around the lofts here on Green St. This situation has not changed. In fact, there is even more shit to be found there.
Yesterday I watched a woman exit her loft with TWO big dogs, oblivious to the (following) “Ron Jeremy” of canine bowel movements within ten feet of her front door. In all fairness, walking two big dogs requires 101% of one’s attention— AND this woman had baggies for the poo, so she was at least being a responsible dog walker. But the question that nags at me is this: do these people simply not notice all the dog shit in front of their buildings or do they not care?
Dung of the Day: Noble Street
Filed under: Dung of the Day
Like most people who have more important things to do and too much time on their hands, I frequently find myself drifting off into flights of fancy. Usually this manifests itself in small ways, such as making art work or researching monkies. Other times I find myself brainstorming about inventions I would like to see created.
Today I find myself wishing that someone would come up with a way to make customized ‘scratch and sniff’ postcards. If the technology was available, I’d make a postcard using the image below and the acrid odor wafting from the Greenpoint Market Terminal (two blocks away from where I found this pile of dog shit).
Treasure this way ——–> Code Brown
Filed under: Dog Shit
Yesterday evening when I left my apartment to check out what is left of the Greenpoint Terminal Market I discovered that our Superintendent’s daughter had been quite busy decorating our sidewalk with chalk drawings. I am not a person who is big on kids, but I have to admit that the mural she created was damned cute. Aside from writing “I (heart) NY” over and over, she wrote more cryptic messages, like the one below.
As I proceeded down the sidewalk towards Franklin, however, this message took on an entirely different meaning: from 143 to 101 Green Street I came across a bounty of ‘sidewalk spuds’. Be advised that this is the short list; I have excluded turds that are already documented (and are still to be found at this location).
I have never caught anyone in the act, but I have a pretty clear idea of who the offenders are. One need not be Sherlock Holmes (or even Inspector Clouseau) to observe that ALL of this dog shit is localized in front and adjacent to lofts where dogs (and their owners) reside. This is not conjecture on my part; I have seen the owners and their dogs hanging out in front of these buildings many, many times.
I know very little about the people who live in these lofts aside from the fact that most (if not all) are hipsters in their 20’s and are clearly from out-of-state. It is probably not unreasonable to surmise that their rent is being subsidized, if not paid for outright, by their parents.
That said, I seriously doubt their parents (and the community organizations they undoubtedly belong to) back in suburban wherever would look kindly on this behavior. Why should it be any different here?
Perhaps these peeps have always had someone to pick up their shit and wipe their bottoms?
Perhaps they are acting out because mommy and daddy do not love them enough to pony up the money needed to live on Bedford Avenue?
Perhaps they were raised by wolves?
NAH!
I’m chocking this up to LAZINESS and ENTITLEMENT. Wake up and smell the dog shit. It’s time to grow up and assume some shred of responsibility kiddos!
Dung of the Day
Filed under: Dung of the Day
I found this beauty at Franklin Street and Greenpoint Avenue. I gotta tell you, the soiled paper towel (???) serves only to make this sight even more disgusting.
Been woefully negligent of this blog the last few days— but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been doing my homework! More to follow soon, but tonight I’ll be following the news regarding today’s fire at the Greenpoint Terminal. (*cough* ARSON *cough*)
Dung of the Day: Huron St.
Filed under: Dung of the Day
I took a friend of mine from out of town around the neighborhood today. Needless to say, I saw my fair share of butt dumplings, but this one took the cake. I found this gargantuan choad on Huron Street between Manhattan Avenue and Franklin Street. Enjoy!
McGuinness Blvd. Redux
Another day, another trek down McGuinness, another bounty of refuse.
Having lived in Greenpoint for almost six years, I am fascinated by the recent surge of condominium construction on McGuinness Boulevard. I have seen a number of developments going up along this strip from roughly Calyer Street northward, and I have frequently wondered to myself: why would anyone want to live there? Thus far, the best answer I can come up with is that these developers are banking on P.T. Barnum: there’s a sucker born every minute.
McGuinness Boulevard (to those of you not in the know) is a busy (READ: loud) thoroughfare. When the Pulaski Bridge is drawn (on a humidelicious hot summer day), the emissions from all the backed up vehicular traffic is thick enough to eat to spread on your toast. The fact that crossing McGuinness is in and of itself a death-defying task does not help matters. It is common knowledge among the locals here, myself included, that speeding cars hit buildings and other inanimate objects regularly. This being so, what chance does a slow-moving, less sturdily built biped have?
If any Hollywood hack sees fit to remake the movie Death Race 2000 —and why not, it’s a better movie than most of the ‘new’ crap the dream factory is churning out nowadays— I wholeheartedly endorse, no, I ADVOCATE, McGuinness Boulevard as the location to use.
Traffic-related concerns aside, there are a host of other reasons not to purchase one of these condos:
1. For starters, these properties are all in close proximity to the Fire Department. This is a good thing if you happen to pull a “Pryor” and set yourself on fire while free-basing, but for the rest of us, the roar of fire trucks at all hours may prove to be an annoyance.
2. Let’s say you purchase an apartment on a higher floor (away from the din of traffic), you can expect one of two things:
A. The view of Manhattan you were promised by your broker will be short-lived (once towers are tossed up on West Street).
B. You will have a ‘scratch and sniff’ view of the water treatment plant.
Lastly, it should be noted that the caliber of person who frequents McGuinness Boulevard is— how shall way put it— a bit lackluster? Don’t take my word for it, go and hang out at the Taco Bell ‘food court’ yourself. On any given (work) day you will find a motley crew of thugs, junkies, old Polish men sucking and grinding away at their dentures like a cow works a wad of cud, and “Joe Dirt” types whose curricula vitae can be found on a Post Office wall, “America’s Most Wanted” or a milk carton.
If you are not up that, simply walk along McGuinness and you will detect their presence: by their garbage and discarded chicken bones, ye shall know them…
Dog shit (at Java Street and McGuinness Blvd.) notwithstanding…
If I were a fly on the wall, I honestly do not know which of the following I would want to see more:
A. The fool who will pay 1/3 -1/2 million dollars to look at this pile of shit (and numerous other piles of shit, garbage and vomit) every day.
OR
B. The broker/developer pandering these condos and the ‘spin’ he/she will put on the location.
McGuinness Boulevard is decidedly NOT Bedford Avenue— and it never will be— Robert Moses saw to that forty years ago. So, when you see an unwashed, unshaven and mop-headed man on Mickey Guiness rocking an AC/DC shirt, he is not aiming to be ironic or edgy. He attended AC/DC concerts back in the 70’s, got addicted to coke (meth or whatever), and is too shit-ass broke to buy new clothes.
I never knew that drug-addled poverty could be so chic. Thank you, B-Burg ‘Influx’ Hipsters!
A cheap holiday in other people’s misery, as Johnny Rotten put it— a ‘holiday’ made only more piquant when purchased with your parent’s money.
Yeah, that’s tearing the “man” (your old man) a new asshole.
Stupid fucks.
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