Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Steamroller
Today’s Dung of the Day comes courtesy of “Dupreciate” he writes:
Diamond between Calyer and Meserole has little to no residency (mainly that film studio), so it ends up being something of a graveyard for unpleasant worldly items: soiled cocktail dresses, abandoned strollers, dog poop.
Found this guy on Saturday night. I’ve named it the “steamroller” as someone, or something, appears to have flattened it out a bit.
POOPYLICIOUS!
I hope the person who steamrolled this shit wasn’t wearing sandals. Ouch!
Miss Heather
Hole-In-One
This shithole can be found on Berry Street between North 3rd and 4th Street. I find it fascinating that this person had enough wherewithal to bag the bung, but was too impatient to locate a garbage can in which to place the poop. If I was this person I would have simply picked up my dog and place the business-end in the hole. That way you wouldn’t even need a bag.
Sage wisdom like the previous is the reason why I graduated from college magna cum laude, kids!
Miss Heather
P.S.: Be sure to not to miss the turdlet adhered to the fence. Very nice.
Quarterlifer Crap
I found today’s “Dung of the Day” in front of the Park Luncheonette at 344 Driggs Avenue.
It looks like some twenty-something’s career path went to shit. Literally.
I’m not passing judgment, mind you. Going to shit was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Miss Heather
Dung of the day: in Technicolor!
I found this festive (if dessicated) pile of shit on West Street just across from what used to be part of the Eberhard Faber pencil factory complex.
Since I am (somewhat) on the subject of senseless destruction of neighborhood landmarks, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention this.
I realize the above graphic is pretty shitty. Click here to get the 411 about this upcoming benefit.
Miss Heather
Dung of the Day: Bushwick Style
As I said yesterday, the bunghole of heaven has opened wide and showered me with a bounty of first-class shit pix. Here is today’s selection courtesy of Jaime, the proprietor of the known universe. He writes:
Hi Miss Heather,
This dog shit was in the stairwell of my loft in Bushwick. I realize the photo is kind of old — I posted it on my own blog over a year ago — but I didn’t come across your newyorkshitty blog until today and I thought it was worth sending to you anyway…
-Jaime
It was worth it. Still is. Even though it is a rather old example of excrement, it combines two items that go great together:
- dog shit
- an angry note from a neighbor of this negligent dog owner.
Here it is. Enjoy!
Why don’t we do it in the road hall!
Looks like someone left a note. Let’s go in for a closer look…
Excellent question, my dear Watson!
I want to thank Jaime for helping realize how lucky I am. All things considered, I suppose it’s better to live in a vomitorium than a toilet. During the six years of I have lived in my current apartment I have not seen anyone (canine or otherwise) take a shit in public areas of my building. Yet.
Miss Heather
P.S.: While I am on the subject of angry notes, check out this site. DO IT NOW. It’s hilarious. (Thanks “Dupreciate” for tipping me off to this!)
Photo Credit: Jaime
Shit Parade
This morning I awakened to discover a staggering assortment of blue-chip shit waiting for me in my inbox. One or two of them literally left me speechless. Here is the first installment, which was submitted by a gentleman named Jon Feinstein. It’s some seriously amazing stuff shit which I have taken the liberty of annotating for your amusement. Enjoy!
Manhattan
27th Street between 6th and 7th Avenue
I took a dump that looked just like this before viewing this image. A pretty uncanny coincidence if you ask me, but then again this is the usual by-product when one mixes margaritas with homemade salsa the previous evening. I did stick to using conventional toilet paper to wipe my bum, though. My socks simply have too many holes in them.
Park Slope Shit
The title of this one is “Your future does not have to be a mystery”. This is a reference to the ad copy on the flyer next to this gargantuan lump of shit. If this woman was a bona fide clairvoyant, she would have placed a flyer reading “Warning, I see a pile of shit in your future” ten feet in front of this bad boy. I am certain the person who (clearly) stepped in this puddle of puddin’ would agree with me.
Boerum Hill
Near Wyckoff Avenue
You gotta give the guy credit: at least he did it in a bucket. This reminds me of a story someone I went to graduate school with once told me. He grew up in a subdivision in Topeka, Kansas. One his neighbors decided to quit paying their water bill, and as a result, their water was turned off. Instead of using the toilet (which was rendered useless by lack of water) the entire family shit in buckets. When the bucket was full, they placed it in the garage. By the time these people were finally ejected from the property (by the city) the entire garage was filled with buckets ‘o’ shit. Maybe this family has moved to Boerum Hill?
Gowanus Pool Entrance
Looks like our neighbors to south like to throw them some D’s too!
Thank again Jon for the tasty turds! Another select morsel will be featured tomorrow, so stay tuned!
Miss Heather
Fecal Yoga at Berry and N. 11th Street
In Williamsburg even the doggie droppings know how to do the suryanamaskara.
Miss Heather
Say WHAT?!?
After a rather pleasant evening outing this week I arrived home to find a disturbing missive in my inbox. The email was entitled “Kill me now” and its author was “Rebecca11222”. She wrote:
Saw this in a coffee shop in Williamsburg today. Enjoy.
Noticing an attachment, I opened it.
Needless to say I was a trifle troubled by this— not so much by the class itself, but the dangerous precedent it sets. The women who will probably attend this class will not fill a sequined halter top as nicely as Fayzah does. They’ll either be anorexic beyond belief (and thus have no belly to ‘dance’) or they will sport an Orson Welles-eqsue paunch that is impossible to differentiate from second trimester pregnancy. Perhaps this is crass and sexist (it probably is), but all I’m saying is only in Williamsburg do I see twenty-something year old women with beer guts.
I shared the previous piquant observation with my buddy Rebecca. To wit she quipped:
The Star Wars bar scene-inspired hair is going to become the new trucker hat.
I fear she might be right. God help us all. Thankfully, we Greenpointers know better. We may not know what “Electric Tribal Fusion” means, but we don’t need to; if it isn’t European techno trash that can be cranked at ear-splitting volumes in a SUV it is not music. Period. As for the “Star Wars” hair…
it looks like someone on McGuinness Boulevard doesn’t care for it either.
Gotta run now. It’s time to get my aura adjusted.
Miss Heather
Today’s submission
When I got home this afternoon I discovered a select morsel of goodness in my inbox. “Begonia44” writes:
Hi Miss Heather!
I wanted to share my poop finding with you and also vent if that’s OK. But first of all, I just wanted to say that I am a huge fan of your blog. Thank you for adding giggles and laughter to my day.
So, here is what I have today.
Place: 89 Eagle St. between Franklin and Manhattan. Our back yard. In our garden.
Time: This morning. May 24.
Mood: Nauseated and pissedMy poop isn’t from a dog, rather a cat. These are the cats who have been having sex in our back yard, tearing up my garden, and taking dumps on my newly planted seed bed. In the beginning, the squirrels dug up all of my planters and hid peanuts and other nuts in them. It was a war. I caught a squirrel in the act of destruction one day and ran outside like a crazy woman on crack and he actually came running at me (Holy SHIT! — Ed. Note). I went running back into the house. Crazy little things. Now it’s the cats shitting on my flower and herbs. Gross. I came home last night and my boyfriend Adam said he has cleared out a giant pile already. And now, I wake up to this nasty yellow piece of shit. I give up. Seriously.
Anyway,
Thank you so much!
I hope you are well,
And thanks again for your great writings.
No, thank you! Not only for your kind words but for seeing this sickly pile of poo and thinking of me.
Miss Heather
Mount Shitimanjaro
I’ll be the first to admit that Manhattan Avenue between Eagle and Freeman Street is not especially pleasing to the eyes. A number of the buildings there are run down, the huge construction fence (that swallows up much of the sidewalk) is hideous and the sheer amount of litter to be found there is can be astonishing— even for Greenpoint. That said, yesterday I discovered a new and more disgusting addition to this urban landscape: two enormous mounds of dog shit.
One at 1049 Manhattan Avenue…
and another, older escarpment of caca next door at 1043 Manhattan Avenue.
Yummy.
Miss Heather
NYS Flickr Pool
