Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Behold, The Other Face of Pistilli Realty!
Having learned from my good buddy over at Greenpointers that some mischievous scamp has seen fit to post an ad on Craigslist admonishing people against moving into the Astral, I thought it might be interesting to share a few photos I took of Pistilli’s Co-op Crapfest in Astoria yesterday. Here they are.
It’s big.
Really, really big. Per Wired New York’s forum, this turd has 188 units.
And if the above fanfare is any indication, they are almost ready for occupancy!
Wouldn’t it be interesting if some “shame on you” type news show asked the shills Pistilli hired to sell this crap if it will have bedbugs and scantily clad ‘models’ like his other property? A property, I will add, which is a registered historic landmark that (per ACRIS) appears to have been mortgaged repeatedly so as to finance the above masterpiece.
Just a thought.
It’s tough being a developer. So the next time any of you Astral tenants whine about mold or bedbugs, be advised that it costs a lot of money to make something look this cheap. Shit, the money Pistilli outlaid on stucco alone is probably equal to the gross domestic product of a developing country.
Or two.
Miss Heather
P.S.: The address for the above development can found by clicking here lest anyone reading this is curious.
P.S. #2: I’d also like to give a big New York Shitty shout-out to my buddies at Bedbuggers for calling Greenpoint “the good-blog capital of Brooklyn”. Thanks!
P.S.#3: I forgot to post this photo of the ass(ier) end of Pistilli Riverview East. Here it is.
Booty Call: #6 of the Greenpoint 10 is…
the pimp-a-licious Stuporintendent of the Astral Apartments.
Wishing to pay homage, I swung by Chez T & A yesterday. It would appear the critter problem at 74 India Street is alive and kicking biting.
Never mind the mushrooms.
Damn the bedbugs.
Sometimes a hardworking man (with a hard-on) needs to take pictures of half nekkid women to blow off steam.
How can fixing shit stand a chance when one can watch two hot chicks pretend to suck face instead? And badly at that.
Bad news Astral dude: Japan cornered the market on school girl lesbo shit a long time ago. I should know: I have volumes of it. I only read the articles*, lest any of you are wondering.
Which brings me to this week’s very sucky motivational poster.
Don’t let the bedbugs bite!
Miss Heather
*This is a joke. I cannot read Japanese.
Crappy— In More Ways Than One!
It’s been awhile since I have seen me some super shitty construction fences, so this morning I moseyed on down to West Street to get my fix. I was not disappointed.
The above fence can be seen at the southwestern corner of West and Kent Street.
Here’s a nice shot of the hole in the fence.
Next to it resides this festering pile of garbage.
The sidewalk in front of this fence has a nice crack…
as did the gent taking a shit behind it. I don’t know what the hell this guy ate, but I could smell the Ghost of Dinner Past* over fifteen feet away.
In closing I would like to state that I prefer to envision the glass as being half full. This site is not a public safety hazard: it is an al fresco public lavatory. Don’t laugh, it’s probably cleaner than the women’s crapper at McGolrick Park.
Maybe I should call the CRACK PROS?
Miss Heather
*Or would that be the Ghost of SHITmas Past?
Ye Olde Wiping Boarde
A constant source of friction here at Chateau de Ghetto is the purchasing of toilet paper. You see, my husband’s delicate little flower of an ass can’t take the rough stuff. I endeavor to buy the softest paper money can buy, but occasionally I screw up. Which brings to the following.
I found this, the Steven Seagal of ass wipes, at 315 Eckford Tuesday. Even I have to admit this would be a little rough for my taste.
Damn.
Miss Heather
Putting the “Shit” In New York Shitty
I was forwarded this shitastic link by my fantastic buddy Judy over at Dategirl. It is so utterly stupid and revolting I have seen fit to feature it here on New York Shitty. I present to you, dear readers, a sampling from Diaper Free Adventures. An adventure in faux hippie crap trap and bad spelling:
My husband and I went to Williamsburg yesterday to get some good coffee at Verb and some militant vegan food at Foodswings. The L train was moderatley crowded with no seats left in which to sit, but not too many people standing. In these situations I do not do EC. I am too embarassed to take my son out of his carrier, unclip the potty from my bookbag, pull off his little gray sweatpants, open his diaper, lift him over the red potty and say, “Pssss. Pee-pee” into his ear.
This is beyond my comprehension:
- Verb coffee sucks ass. Their service is even worse.
- I am damned close to being a vegan, yet never profess to eat “militant vegan food”. This phrase even pisses me off.
- There are enough people, grown-ups no less, who piss on the L train as is. This woman’s entitled cunt dumpling does not need contribute to this nuisance.
Perhaps she is training her son to be a crazy homeless person? This would make sense given all the fucked shit she has probably (already?) filled his little head with and the state of the U.S. economy. After flunking out at the fry vat at Mickey D’s I am certain he’ll take to ranting and raving on Greenpoint Avenue like a natural. Pissing and shitting all over the place. Just like a pro. Just like mom taught him!
Pssss. Pee-pee!
Miss Heather
The Shit Crawler Strikes Back!
Some of you might remember I entered a competition last month entitled Art Ate New York. Well, the curators have curated. The judges are in the process of deciding upon a winner. But it has been determined by yours truly a long ago, win or lose, that sticking Jawas in scat is WHERE IT’S AT! My reasons for the previous assertion are numerous, but one of them is you get emails like the one I got yesterday from Artists Wanted.
Congratulations! You’ve made it to the final round for the Art Ate New York competition. Do you have higher res versions of your images? We are going to be making the final decision on the winner this week, but also want to show your images to some curators and magazine editors… Also, we’d like to show your images projected at our event (!!! —Ed. Note) scheduled for Friday, October 19th. 300 dpi 8×10 is great, but any higher res size will be good… Also, if you have a web site you use to promote yourself, send that address as well.
So there have you. Of course, what would the Shit Crawler have been without the rather sculptural pile of dog shit accompanying it? Whoever you are, inconsiderate Greenpoint dog owner, please accept this humble expression of my sincerest gratitude. I couldn’t have done it without you.
And your canine companion.
Those of you who wish to behold the glory that is the Greenpoint Shit Crawler (albeit in SoHo, not in situ) will have your chance next week:
Art Ate New York: Renegade Art Show
October 19, 7:00 p.m. – 1:00 a.m.
Red Bull Gallery
40 Thompson Street (at Broome), Manhattan
Miss Heather
The BARC Dog Parade Cometh!
I have been so busy preparing my costume* I almost forgot to remind everyone that BARC’s Dog Parade is next weekend. Being the fashion conscious woman I am, I even procured a very special accessory for the occasion.
Nothing says “I am a Greenpointer” better than donning a Gulf War issue gas mask.
Attendees and would-be marchers can get all the details about this upcoming event by clicking here.
Miss Heather
P.S.: What would a dog parade announcement be without a piquant pile of Greenpoint poop to go with it? From Kent Avenue (just south of Pop’s) I present to you…
Puffed for your Pleasure!
*This includes fashioning breast-gear resembling digester tanks from Greenpoint’s favorite waste treatment plant. I’ll be the 17th Ward’s very own Valkyrie!
The Brooklyn Paper: Paragon of Journalism
This evening I had the pleasure of reading a turd from the above shit heap of a newspaper. It was forwarded to me via the Newtown Creek Alliance. They wrote:
I’m sorry to see the nature walk is getting severely trashed.
Initially I was going to write back and say “What do you expect, it’s The Brooklyn Paper?” I decided against it. I think my fellow Greenpointers should see how utterly shitty their product and journalistic standards are. For this reason I present to you, dear readers, the following article from the September 22, 2007 edition of The Brooklyn Paper…
Something stinks — hey, it’s this park!
Up for a nature walk? The newest one is right there next to the sewage treatment plant.
This counterintuitive park project comes courtesy of the Department of Environmental Protection, which spent $3.2 million to build a gorgeous walkway next to the Newtown Creek sludge plant.
No, it’s not a joke — though some locals are treating it as such.
“I say we toilet paper their park — after all, they made our neighborhood smell like a toilet,†wrote one poster on Curbed.com, which labeled it “the crappiest park in Brooklyn.â€
Other posts took advantage of the irony to use a common barnyard expletive that is often used as a slang term for feces.
The DEP wouldn’t dignify those kinds of potty-mouth comments, but did say that the park will be a wonderful amenity for the community and that most people will appreciate it.
The plant, which is known for those funky (both stylistically and, it must be said, odoriferously), egg-shaped domes, occupies a few dozen square blocks along the oil-filled creek north of Greenpoint Avenue.
Would-be nature walkers will enter the pathway from Paidge Avenue and Provost Street, and enjoy landscaping that includes trees, shrubs, waterfront seating, wetland grasses and perennial flowers and plants — plus a wall separating all that nature from the sewage plant on the other side.
The pathway is just the first phase of a DEP effort to provide access to the waterfront, the agency said. The next two phases will be completed over five years and extend the path all the way to North Henry Street.
It couldn’t come at a better — or worse time. The federal Environmental Protection Agency reported last week that a massive oil spill that has been seeping under the Newtown Creek area since the 1950s may be twice as big as once suspected.
The DEP will unveil the first phase of the Greenpoint Nature Walk along the waterfront that separates Brooklyn and Queens next week.
Something Sucks — it’s The Brooklyn Paper!
It’s easy to criticize a park when you (and you know who you are) are sitting on your fat ass in Park Slope trying to figure out how to capitalize on the Garden Spot. It’s “hip”. It’s “young”. It’s so… not you, Brooklyn Paper.
Is it just me or does the Smells like Teen Spirit North Brooklyn edition of The Brooklyn Paper sport very little content actually regarding North Brooklyn? It’s usually a few week-old stories and a bunch of other stuff we could care less about. All they— and by they I mean The Brooklyn Paper want to do to is up their circulation numbers so can boost their advertising revenue (yes, I worked in publishing once, surprise!). The fact they are using us to do it makes me angry to no end.
But back to journalistic integrity (or lack thereof). We all know using a comment board on someone else’s blog (READ: Curbed) is the best way to get the word on the street in Greenpoint. A community which, inconveniently enough, is largely populated with blue-collar people without Internets. That’s why unsubstantial shit like the following makes it to print:
I say we toilet paper their park, after all they made our neighborhood smell like a toilet.
God forbid a reporter from The Brooklyn Paper actually set foot in the Garden Garbage Spot and ask us, the revolting peasants we are, what we think. That would entail riding the G TRAIN and doing ACTUAL REPORTING. We might prove to be intelligent. Or find The Brooklyn Paper to be a joke. And we do, by the way.
As a Greenpointer (who converses with other Greenpointers every day) here is a general consensus of what we think the park:
- Yes, we think a park next to a sewage treatment plant is funny. Who wouldn’t?
- Do we think it is a P.R. ploy by the D.E.P.? DUH!
- North Greenpoint has no parks whatsoever. A few of us have the temerity to like it. It is all we got. It is better designed than most of the condominiums going up around us, but The Brooklyn Paper wouldn’t print that. They didn’t see fit to print this either:
More thought, design, materials and over all aesthetics have been put into this Taj Mahal of Poop Processing than all the crappy chrome and glass condos all over the G-point & the Burg.
Somehow the crack reporter for The Brooklyn Paper saw fit to overlook this comment (also from Curbed). I wonder why?
The truth of the matter is a number of things make my neighborhood stink. You have the waste treatment plant, sewage overruns, illegal dumping and Newtown Creek. You cannot separate one from the other. I can, however, state with certainty that The Brooklyn Paper’s attempt at capitalizing off Greenpoint’s misfortune (and ridiculing us in the process) reeks the most.
And as any Greenpointer knows, shit floats.
Miss Heather
P.S.: Those of you who want additional giggles at this paper’s expense should read this article. For reasons beyond my comprehension it turned up on outside.in under Greenpoint. It is about how local video stores are suffering at the hands of Netflix. Strangely enough, Photoplay, a Greenpoint institution (which recently expanded into a larger space) is not mentioned. Hmm.
110 Green Street Speaks…
about Miss Heather’s intelligence (or lack thereof), her husband’s infidelities and much, much more!
I had honestly not planned on posting much today. After an eight hour long fiasco at La Guardia airport yesterday (which culminated in me coming back home and missing my sister in law’s wedding), I am exhausted. What’s more, I had no idea what to write about. Thankfully, someone who appears to work at 110 Green Street has provided me ample fodder.
Before I continue I want to say I really value the comments I get on New York Shitty. We may not all know each other (or agree), but it is nice to see Greenpointers exchanging ideas and neighborhood intelligence. It gives me some hope that the sense of community here might survive the many (and mostly BAD) changes this neighborhood is currently undergoing.
Conversely, I have no time whatsoever for abusive comments or the people who post them. The previous people should start their own blogs because their rubbish is not going to see the light of day on mine. Save the following nut job. Not only did he see fit to spend the wee hours of the morning hurtling semi-literate abuse my direction, but he also gave his employer (presumably 110 Green Street) more negative publicity than I could ever dream of dishing out!
Ready for some 110 Green Street nastiness? Strap on your safety helmets folks, it’s gonna be a rough ride!
#1. Regarding Seeing Double at 110 Green Street; posted at 2:27 a.m. PST
I fail to see what my having a job or not (I do, by the way) has to do with this company’s disregard for the safety and overall well-being of its neighbors.
#2 Regarding Greenpoint: The Napping Spot; posted at 2:41 a.m. PST
Not the last time I checked. But if I am can I get a job at 110 Green? Just curious.
#3 Regarding Seeing Double at 110 Green Street (again); posted at 2:50 a.m. PST
What’s with this man’s preoccupation with people having a “real JOB”? I guess anyone who isn’t hired to build cheaply made “luxury” condominiums (poke holes into adjacent buildings and pour cement only to jackhammer it back up a week or two later) does not have, in his unique little world view, a “real JOB.” Who knew? I didn’t. But how would I? It has already been established that I am mentally retarded. Perhaps that’s why I don’t have a “real JOB”?
#4 Regarding Hello Suckers; posted at 3:05 a.m. PST
You know, this chap might have a point. I probably was the biggest asshole in Greenpoint (which is one word, by the way). WAS. I have been deposed. I’ll give you, dear readers, three guesses by whom.
Thanks again for the writing material “Hammmer38”. If it wasn’t for you today’s offerings would have been kind of dull. I am certain your employer will also thank you for the articulate and professional face you have given his business. With employees like you, who needs enemies?
Miss Heather
P.S.: My husband may be a philanderer, but he is also a Senior Systems Administrator at an Ivy League University. I have charged him with tracing this chap’s IP address. I can hardly wait to learn who this guy is.
UPDATE, 9/25/07: As it would happen, I walked by 110 Green Street Monday, September 24th. The time was 7:25 p.m.
Business as usual. Wonder if they have a variance to work this late? Probably not. It’s not like they’ve let trivial matters like that bother them before.
A Turd’s Nest
Today I present to you an exquisite pile of poop from Jeremiah Moss, the proprietor of a very interesting blog called Vanishing New York. He writes:
i found this today near the corner of chrystie and delancey. i know it’s in manhattan, but it was just so perfect i had to send it in. i think it looks like an elegant little centerpiece.
I have to agree with him. There is something distinctly (and dare I say?) “stylish” about this turd’s nest. Perhaps the canine residents of the Lower East Side are gussying up their bowel movements to keep in step with gentrification? I bet Philip Starck is behind this.
Miss Heather
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