Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
The Crappy Man
Who can take a scorched house
Sprinkle it with spew
without posting any permits and make it look like a piece of poo?
Bridge Realty, that’s who!
Bridge Realty can
‘Cause they mix it with pre-fabricated love
and make Miss Heather say EW!
The guys at 209 1/2 Eckford may not be fond of posting permits, but clearly they are big fans of MorW.A.
Miss Heather
Belvedere Blow Out!
It has been some time since I have written about my buddies over at Belvedere Partners, so today I am going to redress this egregious oversight on my part and give the scoop on two, count ’em, TWO new Belvederes! Excited yet? If not, you should be dear readers!
Belvedere XII: 150 Java Street
In keeping with the Belvedere landscape architecture paradigm, the entire frontage has received a heaping helping of cement. Planting trees and shrubs are for bleeding heart liberals who don’t appreciate the value-added qualities of concrete.
Can you find the Belvedere in this picture?
You can’t? No worries, I have gone to the trouble of labeling it for you. Belvederes have a chameleon-like tendency to blend in with 100+ year old row houses. Even ones half their size. Uncanny.
Belvedere XXIV: 490 Morgan Avenue
Have you ever wondered what would happen if the aesthetic savants at Belvedere got their hands on an existing piece of property? If so, wonder no more. I have the answer: they will make it look total and utter shit.
Photographs scarcely do this masterpiece justice. One really needs to go to 490 Morgan Avenue and behold it in all its half-assed glory in person. Not only is the “D” missing from “Belvedere”, but the cheesy lanterns gracing the front door are not even mounted straight. Nice.
Burglar bars: CHECK.
Friedrich and Fedders Boxes: CHECK.
Stucco: CHECK.
Oil storage facility down the block: CHECK.
I have long been mystified as to what “system” Belvedere uses to number their serialized schlock. Thankfully, a thorough examination of Belvedere XXII has helped me to understand the why and wherefore behind the numbering its distant cousin at 490 Morgan Avenue: it sucks twice as hard.
Haven’t had enough suckiness, you say? You crave yet more Belvedere hilarity? Check out the new Flash introduction on their web site. Belvedere Partners must be strapped for cash if they can’t hire a professional to straighten that crooked “R” on their store front. In fact, things must be really bad if the President of the company can’t outlay $4.00 for a box of Nice ‘n Easy and touch up those roots. If Mayor Mike really wanted to beautify Greenpoint he would stop planting trees, lock this woman in a beauty salon and refuse to let her out until that shit matches.
Miss Heather
The Kids Are Not Alright
I have long thought that college educations— and most of the people who sport them— were pretty much useless nowadays. This splendid example of angry signage from a woman’s dormitory at Hunter College more or less confirms it.
Sherry, the provider of the above piece of photographic insight into dorm life in the 21st century, writes:
Are you an equal opportunity signage reader? The attached picture is a complaint from Hunter College’s dormitory bathroom. (Notice the hot pink accent, which lets you know it’s an all-female floor.) I deem the “fecal deposits” themselves unflushable due to a large circumference and feel as sorry for the person who has to pass them as I do for those who find them…
Maybe someone should by this “nasty skank” some Metamucil? After all, Hannukah is right around the corner.
Miss Heather
P.S.: Come to think of it, this takes me back to my dormitory days. One evening I went to the shared bathroom and discovered something quite remarkable: a toilet filled to the rim with shit. It was a veritable Matterhorn of merde. What’s more, someone was thoughtful enough to toss a sailor hat on top of it and proceeded to take another shit on top of that. I have no doubt the author of this signature piece of “sculpture” has gone on to a career in politics.
51 Days And Counting…
When S.P.I.T. decides to get their SHIT together…
it would be greatly appreciated if the following piece of illegal advertising was removed from 72 Norman Avenue.
How cannot I not shake the suspicion that if our policy makers had to look at this TURD every day, it would have been removed by now. Alas, in Greenpoint (the real estate market’s current cash cow) no one seems to care.
Except me and the person who was foolish enough to call 311 and complain about it.
51 DAYS AGO.
Miss Heather
When Advertecture Attacks: Hideousness on Huron Street
I was walking with my parents and generally having a good time…
until I saw this. I wonder what the local Fire Department would think of this piece of “advertising”? I think I’ll call the Fire Marshall’s Office and find out.
Miss Heather
The Sprinkle Brigade Cometh!
I recently received a couple of emails notifying me that the Sprinkle Brigade is having an opening this Friday Thursday*, November 29th, right next door in Williamsburg! As you can imagine I am very excited about this event and want to pass along the deets to you, dear readers.
WHAT: The Sprinkle Brigade
WHERE: Riviera Gallery
103 Metropolitan Avenue Brooklyn, New York 11211
WHEN: November 29 – December 23, 2007 (no opening times are mentioned, but I suspect it’ll be roughly 7:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. November 29)
HOW (to get there): the Bedford Avenue stop of the L or the B61 bus
These folks are real maestros with merde. By all means check it out! To get in the proper state of mind beforehand be sure to check out the online “Gallery” on their web site or their blog.
Another show I have been meaning to mention is Luv-able & Hug-able at Gallery Hanahou. Here’s the scoop from their web site:
This holiday season, 28 of the world’s most innovative plush artists will stuff gallery hanahou full of the cutest, fuzziest, and strangest gifts around! The show will include toys from 9 popular Japanese plush artists, rarely seen outside of Japan and specially curated by renowned plush collector PAPANDA (Kazuyoshi Kitami). Prices will range from $12 to $1200 in this holiday show of original, handmade gifts, and all of the pieces in the show will also be available for viewing and purchase beginning November 8th (online sales start November 9th). Let a hug-able plush send a luv-able message to your special someone!
I have not made it to this exhibition yet— but I definitely plan to do so before it closes. Check out their flickr photo set and you will understand why: this stuff is insanely cool!
Gallery Hanahou
611 Broadway, Suite 730
New York, New York 10012
(646) 486-6586
To close on an artistic note, by buddy over at Icky in Brooklyn has a little project in the works that might be of interest to some of the more craftier people out there. He writes:
Attention all Brooklyn weavers, painters, potters, photographers, artists, and craftsfolk of all disciplines!
The holidays and shopping season is upon us, and fact is, being someone who hand-crafts, I like to support those who hand-craft. (Besides, I have stuff to sell.) Over the next few weeks, I will be creating a list of Brooklyn artists and craftsfolk, links and all.
Ideally we can make folks aware of how many artists (and of how many disciplines) we have here in Brooklyn, and perhaps we can bring each other a bit of business. It will be available here at Icky. A sort of “Brooklyn Holiday Handmade Gifts” list. Copying of the list and cross posting on your blog or website is encouraged! Let’s work together for the love of Pete.
Here’s the rules: Handmade or personally-produced art and craftswork only, and Brooklyn residents only. For instance, if you crochet baby blankets and you live in Bay Ridge, that’s fab. If you sell machine-knit sweaters from China and you live in West Orange, that’s a double strike-out (in more ways than one, I suppose).
Artists unite! If you’re someone who ought to be on the list, please leave a comment including your info, and I’ll create a post that will accrue items as they come in. Please include –
Your name (or business)
What you do (short description, a few words)
Website, Etsy address, whatever
Those of you who are interested in participating can contact Icky via his web site.
Miss Heather
Photo Credits: The Sprinkle Brigade & Gallery Hanahou
*Humor me, I am still recovering from Thanksgiving.
Be A Journalist… OR JUST LOOK LIKE ONE!
This week has been a sore reminder to me that there are two distinct groups of people in this world:
- The ones who create and/or innovate and
- the parasites who (having no talent or wherewithal to speak of) feed off of them.
To plagiarize or not to plagiarize?
Speaking as a person who is firmly grounded in group #1, that is a question I have never had to ask myself. No sir. I actually took the numerous warnings I received from my graduate and undergraduate professors about this practice seriously.
This doesn’t mean I do not find the issue on my doorstep, though: I do. With increasing and alarming frequency. To this end I have created the following worksheet for wannabe journalists who— through their own incompetence, laziness or simple lack of ethics— wish to be very real plagiarizers of New York Shitty!
Please be a dear and let me know what you plan on “appropriating” so I can prepare myself to find it your publication. Miss Heather hates surprises. And let’s face facts: it’s the least you can do after profiteering off my labor of love. I even made most of this worksheet multiple choice so you needn’t waste your valuable time by having to think… or WRITE!
All you have to do is save the above jpeg to your desktop, fill it out and return it to me, Miss Heather, at:
plagiarism (at) newyorkshitty.com*
I thank you in advance for your immediate attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
Miss Heather
*This is a real email address.
Thanks A Lot, New York Post!
Oh wait, they should be thanking me!
It would appear that the New York Post has discovered the street sneakers I recently featured on New York Shitty and saw fit to publish an article about them today. Coincidence? I think not.
Why didn’t they just hire me to write this article? Oh wait, I do not have a journalism degree. Not only am I not qualified to “write” but I haven’t been schooled in Blog-Trolling 101— which is clearly one of the tricks of the trade print journalists employ nowadays. Why bother finding this stuff on your own when a blogger can do it for you? For free, no less! It’s like having hundreds of involuntary unpaid interns at your every point and click. Ingenious!
The folks at the Post could have at least given my humble blog a nod— but I suppose some of their readership might have found my URL objectionable. That’s sort of ironic because I find having my blog used as the source for a story (And let’s face facts, IT IS— the timing is simply too uncanny to be a mere coincidence.) without citation, well, OBJECTIONABLE. Way to go New York Post! You just ensured that the New York Daily News will get my business from now on.
In closing I would like to share a quote from a friend of mine. It is regarding her getting married at the age of 20 to a man much older than her:
He was okay with fucking a teenager, but he couldn’t bring himself to marry one.
This man was perfectly okay with screwing someone who was underage, but the notion of actually marrying one was distasteful to him. Thus, they waited until she turned 20. Frankly I fail to see the difference. But clearly in this man’s peculiar world view there was.
Sort of like having hack journos use my blog as a source without citing it. I am beneath them and yet totally “fuckable”. Or perhaps I am “fuckable” because I am beneath them? In any case, I prefer to be taken out to a nice dinner first. I might be easy but I ain’t cheap.
Maybe when I become a “grown up” journo/writer they’ll welcome me into the family?
Miss Heather
Photo Credit: Matthew McDermott, New York Post (See? I just cited the provenance of the above photograph. It’s not that difficult. Really. It’s so easy even a caveman blogger can do it.)
New York Shitty Gets a Theme Song!
My boss, knowing that I have certain *a-hem* eccentricities, sees fit to set aside items for me on occasion. While most of the time this entails homemade pornography he finds while opening boxes of stuff from estate sales and storage auctions, other times it pertains to my fecal fixation. So you can imagine my delight when I found the following waiting for me last Thursday.
Not wanting to bother my buddy Noel to burn it onto compact disc for me (he has enough problems right now) I hunted down a recording of it online. Give it a listen. It is quite entertaining.
Miss Heather
Oh My God!
Today is going to be a pretty quiet day here at New York Shitty. Among other things, my husband was called to go into work at 10:00 p.m. last night and didn’t get home until 6:30 this morning. That said, I want to give a shout-out to Queens Crap for giving me a lot of blog love last weekend. I would also like to thank them for giving me the biggest laugh I have had in a very long time.
I’m speechless. Well, almost speechless: perhaps if the Super at the Astral makes enough money with his little pornography photography enterprise he will be able to afford these select digs in Floral Park? For reasons I cannot explain, this house somehow makes me think of him.
Miss Heather
Photo Credit: Queens Crap
NYS Flickr Pool
