Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Dung Of The Day: Nassau Avenue
Last weekend I had the pleasure of having two friends accompany me on my weekly walk of Greenpoint. It was a most enjoyable experience for yours truly. We not did we chatter away but I got to play tour guide to boot. Of course there came a point on Nassau Avenue when I had to drop the amateur act and get down to business. What kind of business, you ask? The business that graces much of our neighborhood’s sidewalks. Yes, I am talking about dog shit.
I think. As soon as I saw this pasty pile of poo in front of the local funeral parlor I knew exactly what to do. To this end I opened my backpack, retrieved my bust of George Herbert Walker Bush and put it to good use.
This act of social commentary did not go unnoticed by my fellow passersby. The above two gentlemen stopped walking and engaged in a heated discussion in front of my object de arte. You have to hand it to us Greenpointers, we love to talk about politics.
Miss Heather
Dung Of The Day: Madison Street
I see that Curry is no longer on Isiah’s menu. I wonder how he will supplement his diet (now that calling women “bitches” is no longer acceptable)? Let’s turn the page and find out!
Bon apetit!Â
Miss Heather
NYC Poop Bandit
Today a most amusing bit of YouTube goodness was waiting for me in my inbox. Orly writes:
Hey Heather-
Not many people would appreciate this, but I know for sure it’s right up your alley (literally).
There’s this new show on DIY Network called Under Construction, where two Brooklyn contractors build, demolish, and renovate projects all over NYC. We’re doing some promotion for the show, and got the following behind-the-scenes footage that captures a virtual warehouse of dog poop in a Park Slope backyard:
As a Cobble Hill resident, this cache of poop is a little too close for comfort for me – but hey, I’m a native New Yorker, I guess I should be used to it!
Cheers
Thanks a lot for passing this along, Orly. It’s hilarious!
Miss Heather
P.S.: Oh yeah, I found this little nugget of joy on YouTube after watching the above outtakes. It is not for the feint of heart (or safe for work). Enjoy!
156 North 12th Street, Revisited
Last Saturday night Mr. Heather and I watched New York’s Bravest inspect the above-mentioned property. One week later walked by the same property (albeit on 11th Street) and found something else of interest.
Anybody need a large space for wedding reception or a Bat Mitzvah? If so, I have found your place! What’s more, it is very affordable!
156 North 12 Street is becoming a veritable grab bag of fun. I can hardly wait to see what happens when they start building on this site. If the Department of Buildings “responsiveness” to the complaints lodged against this property are any indication, things should get very interesting.
The above complaint was filed 11/28/07. Note the inspector’s comments. They are as follows:
SEE COMPLAINT #3245809 TO BE ROUTED FOR WORK W/O PERMIT
Here is “COMPLAINT 3245809”, it was filed 11/21/2007. Note the disposition…
and by that I mean there isn’t one! What an effective strategy for reducing one’s workload! Instead of trifling with each and every stupid little complaint that comes in simply piggyback them on top each other! That way you look like you’re being efficient without actually doing any work. Genius!
Miss Heather
The Shittiest Corner in North Brooklyn?
I have a confession to make: living in Greenpoint has made me pretty jaded when it comes to encountering mass quantities of dog shit. As I went for one of my infamous four hour walks earlier this week I was summarily jolted out of my torpor by the utter HORROR which awaited me at the above-depicted intersection.
This is Bushwick Avenue. When you turn the corner onto Melrose Street it doesn’t get much better.
Words fail me.
Miss Heather
Word of The Day: Continuity
n., pl. ties. 1. The quality or state of being continuous. 2. An uninterrupted succession or unbroken course.
This little vocabulary lesson goes out to Hunt Architects.
The above masterwork (at 795 Grand Street) suggests they could use a refresher course on this concept. I for one am a big fan of the institutional-looking gray balcony.
Nothing says “luxury duplex” like good ol’ Soviet-era construction. For a moment I thought I was in Albania!
Miss Heather
‘Tis The Season: McGuinness Boulevard
What is this? Didn’t his spidey sense warn him that Mickey G’s is lined with dog poo? For shame, Spidey Claus, for shame.
Miss Heather
To Whom It May Concern
To the irresponsible dog owner who left their pooch’s “product” at the intersection McGuinness Boulevard and Green Street yesterday:
- Do you enjoy wallowing in your own/someone else’s feces?
- Do you like stepping in dog shit?
- Would you like it if I dropped a load on your shoes? (Think about this one: I eat A LOT of roughage.)
If your answer to any of the above questions is “no”: FUCK YOU.
Miss Heather
P.S.: I added a category for people like you today. It is called “Asshole”. You were the inspiration. Mazel Tov!
Cutting Karl Fischer’s Krap
I recently checked out a post on Brownstoner announcing yet another piece of Karl Fischer crap slated to blight north Brooklyn:
A visit to the Karl Fischer website never disappoints! In our most recent fly-by, we noticed that the ubiquitous architect has a new rendering posted of a 26,000-square-foot, 18-unit glass box that’s slated for the southwest corner of Bedford Avenue and South 4th Street in Williamsburg.
What will this forthcoming masterpiece look like you, ask? Well, here it is.
True to form, it is a drab— if conspicuously short— slab of Post Modernist shit. Naturally, the lack of height was not lost one Brownstoner commenter:
Ridiculously small building for an area so close to Manhattan. My god, even Mayor Bloomberg’s townhouse is taller than this thing.
It looks alright, but it should be twice as large, at least.
WRONG!
Keeping this building diminutive is the only means I can think of to mitigate its hideousness. And contrary to what Karl Fischer said in this article, all his buildings have one overriding quality in common: they are uglier than homemade sin.
That’s what makes parts of Brooklyn so special. You have all of these rowhouses, townhouses, smaller-scale developments, more neighborhood-friendly developments. You have more open space. The quality of life in this way is going to be preserved in Brooklyn.
– Karl Fischer
Am I the only person who has trouble reconciling the aforementioned quote with the “deeds” of its author? 130 Diamond Street is, most assuredly, neither “smaller scale” nor “neighborhood friendly”. It is a gangrene-colored six story eyesore blighting what was once a quaint block of two and three story rowhouses.
Why in god’s name would some pair this “brick work” with green sheet metal? This juxtaposition would make I.M. Pei roll in his grave.
If he was dead, that is. And dead he would be if forced to look at this pile of shit. Yes sir, when the construction fence finally comes down we Greenpointers are going to have one VERY UGLY BUILDING on our hands. An edifice which, until recently, reminded me of something but I just couldn’t place it. Until today.
Be sure to do a courtesy flush, Karl!
Miss Heather
120 S. 4th Street Photo Credit: Karl Fischer web site via Brownstoner.
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