Greenpoint
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Culture on the Cheap
Little Murders: Meeting Elliott Gould
(sort of)
On Friday night I finally saw Little Murders for the first time. At B.A.M. with a very entertaining Q & A session afterward with Elliott Gould. It was a most enjoyable evening and I found Mr. Gould’s frank and irreverent (if esoteric) repartee very refreshing.
I had been admonished by my buddy, Larry da Junkman, that Mr. Gould can be quite cantankerous in person. This, his, assessment was based on interviews he saw from the 1970’s. What I saw on August 8, 2008— 38 years later— was a person who had no time for fools but openly admitted his own tomfoolery. Gould struck me as being a great big teddy bear. Mind you, you my idea of a “big teddy bear” is a little different than most people; I learned warm and fuzziness from my father. A man who has been kicked out of a furniture store for listing William Jefferson Clinton as a reference to rent a bed. But I digress.
Mr. Gould has rather piquant wit —and more importantly, he was not reluctant to use it. When one person in the audience asked him if Little Murders glorified the shooting of a police officer he replied the movie was satire and that the leader of our country would fill Alan Arkin’s role quite beautifully. That bon mot with quickly topped with this one:
You’re the expert taking notes. I’m just the artist.
The above quip is one I will undoubtedly use quite often moving forward. For this reason (and a few others*) I wanted to express my gratitude. What’s more, I had an opportunity. A window, if you will. It was announced at Friday’s event that Mr. Gould agreed to another Q & A session at the 3:00 p.m. viewing of The Long Goodbye the following day. Mr. Heather loves this film so he bought a ticket. And in so doing he became my emissary.
I had to work Saturday. Before I left all the preparations were made. All Mr. Heather had to do was take the envelope I prepared, pick up the 8×10 print I ordered (of this), insert it into said envelope and give it to Mr. Gould. 5:00 p.m. rolled by. Nothing. As did 6:00 p.m. Then finally the call came.
Mr. Heather: The package has been delivered.
Miss Heather: AND?!?
When we met later in downtown Brooklyn I finally got a straight answer.
Miss Heather: So what happened?
Mr. Heather: I told him that my wife was in an art show last year and wanted to give him something.
Miss Heather: Okay.
Mr. Heather: I handed him the picture and he said:
Oh, that’s shit. Does she want me to autograph this?
Mr. Heather: I said no, she just wanted you to have it.
Miss Heather: Good.
Mr. Heather: Then he asked Is this horse shit? I said no, we think it was human or canine.
It was at this point in our conversation that the Mister and I encountered this on Bond Street.
Miss Heather: They put out cat litter but I don’t think this came from a feline. Is that red stuff catsup or blood?
Mr. Heather: I wouldn’t taste it to find out.
The End
Miss Heather
*Among them:
- M.A.S.H. is one of my favorite movies. EVER.
- Anti-heroes have always been my heroes. Hey, I’m a 70’s child!
Press Conference At Newtown Creek
Filed under: Bushwick, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Queens, Williamsburg
It got off to a late start but the press conference conducted by Nydia Velazquez, Anthony Weiner* and Joseph Lentol came to pass without a hitch. For those of you who were unable to attend this event, the following footage should give you some idea of its purpose: goading the Federal government to declare the area around Newtown Creek a Superfund site.
Here is the second half where Craig Michaels, legal counsel from Riverkeeper, and Assemblyman Joseph Lentol speak.
It looks like Ms. Velazquez and I agree on two things: the 2008 FISA Amendment Act sucks** and our community has waited long enough for a thorough clean-up of many a score of environmental abuse. 2026 is not good enough. We deserve better.
Miss Heather
P.S.: The new park where this press conference was held (and is still not open to the public) has already been given a hearty Greenpoint welcome!
Doggie dumplings.
*Who laughed when I waved at a passing Watertaxi and exclaimed:
Welcome to one of the most polluted waterways in the United States!
**I originally stated in this post she voted in favor of this act. This is not true. Ms. Velazquez voted against it. It was passed anyway.
Boulevard of Crap
I recently confused the bejeezus out of a reporter for the Greenpoint Courier. It happened innocently enough. I causally mentioned that my husband had the week off and we had spent the afternoon knocking around Queens. To wit, he replied:
Why? You car didn’t break down or something?
After making it clear that we had no car to fail us, I pointed out that Maspeth has a certain charm. On top of possibly being the garden gnome capital of New York Shitty, it also sports a number of other niceties such as lovely Tudor Style homes, gun lovers touting terrorist hunting permits and this. And then of course you have Queens Boulevard.
This building this crap-infested sign graces has to be seen to truly be believed. It was probably a parking garage that was converted into a retail space. It is quite hideous. If you happen to be anywhere near 64th Street by all means check it out: they have office space for rent!
Miss Heather
It’s Snowing!
This was the hilarious sight that awaited me when I was walking down Green Street yesterday. Anyone who lives on Green Street between Manhattan Avenue and Franklin Street will attest that the Viridian has been quite busy installing styrofoam insulation over the last week. As a result the entire block and some of the people on it are blanketed in white flecks of foam. A little touch of winter on the cusp of July. To alleviate this problem, the above chap is vacuuming the sidewalk. Priceless.
I mention this anecdote because I was recently forwarded one of the finest complaints to the Department of Buildings I have ever seen. Jonathan writes:
look at the recent complaint for 156 Guernsey St! love it
It would appear that Green Street is not the only block afflicted by summertime snow storms. What’s more, one of the more attractive blocks in Greenpoint is set to get its very own Belvedere! Lucky them. Interested to see what a building “covered in styrofoam” looks like, I headed to 156 Guernsey without delay.
Styrofoam? What styrofoam?
The front of this building looks like a piece of Swiss cheese.
Swiss cheese with Friedrich boxes that is.
The building on the left was meticulously restored and put on the market by Corcoran. Given the recent absence of a “For Sale” sign, I would presume it has sold— probably for a very tidy sum. I wonder what the buyer thinks of its neighbor’s face lift?
Miss Heather
Hey Joe
(Someone in the Garden Spot really, really does not like you.)
Yesterday afternoon I ran errands. Among my tasks was purchasing household cleaning products. Let’s just say one of our cats decided to use our bedroom as a vomitorium, I will spare you the details except to say it was quite disgusting.
As anyone in the know will tell you, any and all consumer products in Greenpoint are to be found in one place: Manhattan Avenue, so I headed there without delay. When I reached the Greenpoint Furniture store I noticed a man standing in front of the door. Well, noticed isn’t exactly the right word— HEARD is much more like it. Imagine this, if you will, being bellowed in the biggest Brooklyn honk imaginable:
You know what you are Joe? You’re a fuggin’ piece of shit! That’s what! A fuggin’ piece of shit!
Over and over. I turned to the man next to me, gave him my best “wtf” look and said:
It’s always healthy to let your anger out. What’s more, if I ever meet a guy named Joe I will know he is a fucking piece of shit.
He laughed.
I then went back about my business, as did my fellow bystander and the man who hates Joe.
Several hours later after I accomplished all the chores on my “to do” list I decided to head home via my favorite thoroughfare: McGuinness Boulevard. I have extolled upon the magical qualities of the street named after Greenpoint’s favorite alderman many times. I will do so yet once again here: McGuinness Boulevard is the undiluted essence of all things Greenpoint. It is the very soul of the Garden Spot. Some of the most interesting things I have ever seen have been found on this boulevard. Yesterday was no exception.
This mural is located on Newton Street. It originally read “diva”. As you can see, someone has seen fit to make a few annotations.
I really like this shot. Methinks this image should be on a greeting card. Seriously.
Not since high school have I seen hatred meted out in such a passionate and heated fashion. This person is seriously angry. If any of you are wondering what that brown stuff is, use your imagination. If that fails, here’s a clue: read the url for this web site.
You know, I cannot help but respect someone who would do this. I do not condone their behavior, mind you. I simply believe it is good policy to have a healthy respect for people who have no qualms whatsoever about picking up shit off the sidewalk and smearing it on a wall. Even I wouldn’t do that. If you’re out there reading this Joe, take my advice: stay away from McGuinness Boulevard.
Miss Heather
Gift Giving: Williamsburg Style
One thing that never ceases to fascinate me about parked bicycles in north Brooklyn is the propensity people have for leaving “gifts” in their baskets. In Greenpoint this usually entails empty fifths of vodka and banana peels. I do not know why this is so, I suppose it is the average Garden Spotter’s idea of a balanced diet.
So needless to say when my husband and I spied this bicycle on Metropolitan Avenue in Williamsburg yesterday we simply had to see what “present” had been left for its owner. Let’s go in for a closer look, shall we?
Mmm… doggie dumplings!
Miss Heather
New York Shitty Hits Terrible Two!
As of today New York Shitty has been in effect for two whole years! To celebrate this most auspicious event, I will share cavalcade of colorful crap brought to my attention by none other than the proprietor of Brooklyn11211. He writes:
The Junior High school on South 3rd between Driggs and Roebling has a bunch of tagged poop (yellow, in that case).
Roebling is a wonderland of festively colored fecal matter! Read on and see for yourself.
This King Midas merde can be found between South 1st and South 2nd Street!
Here’s a pair of regal purple poops for your edification.
Just down the street there is this pink poo and its ghost (dogly) companion.
It’s beginning to look a lot like Shitmas!
As Crystal Gayle once sang:
Don’t you turn my brown eyes blue.
And last, but hardly least, my favorite.
I call this composition tree pit with peel and poop. Here’s a close-up.
Looks like the Easter Bunny left Williamsburg with much more than just Easter eggs last month!
Miss Heather
The Newest Williamsburg Craze: Turd Tagging
Actually, it’s not that new. I have received reports about this kind of activity around Montrose Avenue for some time but never found anything. Yesterday was my lucky day.
Driggs Avenue and North 8th Street!
Here’s a ghost turd from South 1st Street.
Once again, from South 1st Street. A wee bit sloppy for my taste but I suspect they ran out of paint.
Nonetheless these finds were like Christmas, the Fourth of July and a birthday combined! Speaking of birthdays, there’s a very special one coming this week. Stay tuned.
Miss Heather
Weekend Round-Up: Springtime In Greenpoint
The first breath of spring weather last weekend was greeted by my fellow Greenpointers in good form:
- 3/31/08: a toilet is left on my block
- 4/4/08, 11:40 P.M.: someone sees fit to do #2 in said porcelain throne using what appears to be legal paper as toilet paper. (Not that I am complaining, mind you. Someone deposited a hefty helping of diarrhea on my stoop two weeks prior. The fact someone used this privy gives me solace that there is some semblance of decency in this city.)
- 4/5/08, 2:30 P.M.: I saw a drunk chap sipping from a can of Foster’s Lager with a straw
- 4/5/08, 7:00 P.M.: I saw a chihuahua in a dress
- 4/5/08, 8:30 P.M.: I saw a VERY inebriated dude getting loaded (no pun intended) into an ambulance in front of a liquor store on Manhattan Avenue. It took four EMS workers to do it.
Springtime in Greenpoint is something to behold, folks. I have experienced eight of them and have yet to be disappointed.
Case in point:
Something about the warm weather brings out the (already) impish nature of my Garden Spot brethren.
Note the use of tense, e.g.: Karen eats dick whereas Lenny ate dick.
As did “Fuser”. The gentleman (whose shoulder can be seen in the above photo, a MTA employee no less) was initially alarmed by my shutterbugging. When I explained to him that this was the third instance of someone “eating dick” I had seen in as many days in Greenpoint he left me alone.
Go figure.
Miss Heather
P.S.: Oh yeah, if you haven’t read about it already some guys managed to drive into Newtown Creek at 3:00 a.m. this morning.
The Toilet Spot
Those of you who bemoan the lack of public lavatories in north Greenpoint will be pleased to learn about the Green Street privy.
This receptacle for human defecation was discarded March 31, 2008 (which is when the above photo was taken, note Magic Johnson’s condominium craptacular rising in the background). It has resided on my block going on six days now.
With predictable results.
Looks like someone needs to call a plumber.
Miss Heather
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