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Culture on the Cheap
New York Shitty Day Starter: Sh*t In The Box
Filed under: 11101, Bum Shit, Dung of the Day, Long Island City, Long Island City Queens
Yesterday I took a sojourn somewhere I have never ventured before: the wilderness of the Long Island City/Ravenswood waterfront around the 59th Street Bridge. It is not an area one would consider attractive.
At least not in a conventional sense of the word. Given the previous you can imagine my surprise when I encountered a hotel at the intersection of Vernon Boulevard and Queens Plaza South: the Ravel whose web site purports it be “Long Island City’s First Luxury Boutique Hotel”. This may very well be the case, I wouldn’t know. But I can tell you I found its proximity to the Queensbridge Houses of particular interest. Curiously enough the folks at Ravel do not make mention of this on their web site. So it goes.
Long Island City is full of surprises. I certainly learned this yesterday. First it is a “luxury boutique hotel” across from a housing project, then it was this on 44th Street: a construction site for yet another hotel.
But this is not the only thing going on here. Which brings me to the item indicated by the above arrow. It is a box.
A very, very special box…
or to use Long Island City parlance (to bastardize Black Adder):
The very latest in front-wall, fresh-air orifices appointed with an imported wide-capacity corrugated repository.
Miss Heather
Dung of the Day: Reading is Fundamental
Filed under: 11222, Bum Shit, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit
This weekend I bumped into my buddy Beatrice, the lovely lady and former proprietress of Casa Mon Amour. After much catching up she busted my chops for deviating from my web site’s initial premise: shit. I explained to her that there is so much of interest going on in our humble ‘burgh that merde has fallen by the wayside. What’s more, over the years I have become much more selective about the scatological specimens I feature.
Luckily for her I found I most tantalizing tableau today right next door to the Viridian* at the South China Import Company! I will start with the arrow at far left.
Someone (or something) had a problem.
An attempt was made to clean up the problem using a flier advertising a summer shindig in Bridgeport, Connecticut: Gathering of the Vibes.
When this failed our intrepid pooper scooper used what was at hand. In this case, a paperback copy of Milan Kundera’s Book of Laughter and Forgetting.
Am I the only person who finds this sort of depressing?
Miss Heather
*Whose craftsmanship, I assure you, is stellar as ever.
I have no idea what this is about— and truth be told I don’t think I want to know. What I can tell you is it obstructs the sidewalk and I am none too happy about it.
Yes sir. I imagine this piece of affordable housing will find a tenant in no time!
From The New York Shitty Inbox: Scheissegeist
Filed under: 11222, Bum Shit, Criminal Activity, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit
As I have operated this web site over the years I have noticed a great many trends. A collective Internet consciousness, if you will. For example, I have noticed that summer seems to be the season of choice for churlish commenters. As for bat-shit craziness/troll-like activity, one need only peruse emails which are sent after midnight. The wee hours of the night are when the online troglodytes come out to play. Today’s theme— if my inbox is any indication— is this.
Yup.
Queens Crap (who sent me this delightful item) writes (in an email entitled “An early Christmas present for you”):
Happy Holidays!
After I managed, albeit barely, to keep my lunch in my down I asked where this came from. The fine people of Queens will be pleased as punch to know this VERY failed pair of training pants hails from the intersection of Greene and Grandview Avenue in Ridgewood. But merde is not exclusively an affliction of my friends across the creek. It is a five borough affair— and as I learned today no one does it better than Garden Spot of the Universe. Which brings me to another email I received today:
Xris (of Flatbush Gardener) writes (in an email entitled “Great Greenpointers in Current Events”):
Thought you might enjoy this Greenpoint item from the Brooklyn Eagle: Elderly Pickpocket Has No Fingerprints.
What does sporting a set of sticky fingers have to do with a pair of shit-smeared underwear, you ask? Click the above link and find out. I dare you.
Miss Heather
Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: Welcome Home
Filed under: 11222, Bum Shit, Crosstown Local, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit
As the delay in today’s postage indicates I spent the day knocking around north Brooklyn. Days such as this one will become fewer and fewer as we bravely march towards winter. I make it a point to enjoy them while I can. And enjoy the day I did. That is, until I exited the G train at India Street.
It would appear that one of our fellow Greenpointers has experienced an acute fit of gastronomic distress. For those of you who are wondering (and you know who you are), it smelled even worse than it looks. It must have felt pretty darned good to have purged this from his (her?) body: the perpetrator saw fit to light up afterward. Nice.
Miss Heather
P.S.: This is gross— even by G train standards.
Bloomturds!
Filed under: 11211, Bloomblight, Bum Shit, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
I have given our fair mayor a lot of guff of late. Today I was reminded of some of his notable achievements as I strolled the streets of Williamsburg. I felt a twinge of guilt. In the interest of giving credit where it is truly due I will showcase my finds here.
This is 224 Wythe Avenue. At a casual glance this may appear to be yet another half completed construction site/eye sore. I assure you this is not the case: upon closer examination you will learn it is much, much more!
I suspect I speak for many when I write that public lavatories are in short supply in north Brooklyn. Granted, this one is not appointed with toilet paper or soap— but then again most of the facilities around here aren’t. To its credit the Wythe Avenue crapper does sport a measure of much needed privacy and the orange safety fence is a nice touch.
There are a great many privies to be found in Williamsburg. All one need to do is look for them. Above is my personal favorite. It hails from North 9 Street.
This brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “full of shit”. I don’t know about you but I’d be exhausted after discharging such a copious amount of effluvia from my body.
Thankfully someone has been kind enough to donate a mattress to this al fresco pissoir.
But Bloomblight need not be so abject. It can also be uplifting. Just take North 4 Street (as seen above), for example.
No longer need those prostheses? Freecycle ’em on North 4 Street. Someone else might!
I present for your peace of mind a piece of leg!
What in god’s name IS this?
Miss Heather
New York Shitty Day Ender: Miss Heather Does A Good Deed
Today, dear readers, I did something I rarely do: go to the movies. This much-needed bit of recreation entailed me doing something else I do not do very often: going to Manhattan. Murray Hill, no less. (What can I say? I find Woody Harrelson brandishing firearms irresistible.)
Anyhoo, after deciding in favor of getting a little walking in I got off at the 1st Avenue stop of the L. As I proceeded further north I began to realize I was not in Greenpoint anymore. I felt uncomfortable. People were staring at me. Thankfully, at 24th Street I saw something that made me feel right at home.
As you are all too aware I have a “thing” for pay phones. I cannot pass one without looking at it. The above example was no exception.
Incoming ordnance at twelve o’ clock!
Crikey, Verizon took a direct hit!
After I took the above photograph a livery cab pulled up beside me and a 40-something gentleman made a bee line for this telephone.
Me: Dude!
40-something Gentleman: (picks up receiver)
ME: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!
40-sG: (turns around)
Me: Don’t use that pay phone! Someone took a shit on it!!!
40s-G: (slowly turns around and, after noticing that someone has indeed despoiled said pay phone, let’s it slide from his hand.)
Me: That’s why I was taking photographs of it. SOMEONE SHIT ON IT!
40s-G: Thank you! Thank you! (starts heading back to livery cab)
Me: No problem. Do me a favor, okay?
40s-G: What?
Me: Please wash your hands as soon as you can, okay? I mean, someone SHIT on that phone. God only knows what else is on there we can’t see.
40s-G: I will, thank you!
With that closing remark and the slam of a cab door he was on his way. And I was on mine. Which brings me to what I found two blocks later.
Miss Heather
P.S.: I felt so good about my good deed today I decided to make a little detour and purchase myself a treat!
That’s right, kids. Project: Boobification is back! Methinks I’ll name the left one “Bill” and the right one “Mike”!
A New York Shitty Love Connection
Filed under: 11211, 11222, Bum Shit, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit, Queens, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
Some of you might have gathered from the preponderance of non-Greenpoint content of late that I have been lurking our fair city. This is because my inlaws are in town and they want to see the sights, sounds, and yes, SMELLS of the Big Apple during their brief stay.* Fortunately I have my good friend Rowan and Crappy to keep me in an “outer borough” state of mind.
It all started with a corn stalk (which can be seen at left). My inlaws happen to reside in Iowa. Corn is very common there. Corn is not, however, very common in Greenpoint (which is where this stalk was found). More specifically it was found on Bushwick Inlet between North 14 Street and North 15 Street: an ill-kept, trash ridden sidewalk which sits atop brownfield.
I found this fascinating. Enough so to write a post about it. A week later I walked by only to discover that someone had killed the corn— and the cobs were nowhere to be found.
Rowan (who provided the above photograph) wrote on September 28, 2009:
Saturday evening, around 6:30pm, I decided to check the corn plant. It’s broken in two. Photos to come, but I’m a bit sad that someone destroyed it. Also the Marlboro packet was still there.
To wit I replied:
I noticed that today. Even more frightening is the corn appears to have been taken. Presumably someone ate it. YIKES!
This morning I had the pleasure of moderating Rowan’s rebuttal:
Someone’s going to have very toxic corn poops.
Shortly thereafter I received an ominous email from Queens Crap. It read as follows:
Do you, in your vast annals of dog shit photos, happen to have one that’s laden with corn? If not, you will when I get home from work tonight.
I replied that I did not have such a find in my “vast annals”. Follows is Crappy’s reply:
You won’t be disappointed.
I wasn’t.
This delightful artifact was found at the intersection of DeKalb and Cypress Avenue in Ridgewood. It is proof positive that my buddy across the creek knows blue chip crap when he finds it.
Yummy.
Miss Heather
*And they most, assuredly have. They walked by the Newtown Creek Waste Treatment Plant on Thursday afternoon and partook of a particularly fragrant subway ride today.
Snapshots From Astoria
Yesterday evening the Mister and I ventured to Astoria to support our buddy Kevin Walsh, who happens to have a show of his photography at the Greater Astoria Historical Society. For those of you keeping count, this is the second day in a row we have ventured to the county of Queens. Anyhoo, it has been awhile I have been to my former stomping grounds (I lived in Astoria briefly during graduate school) so I brought along my camera and took a few photographs. Follow are some highlights. Enjoy!
What Elvira and Marilyn Monroe have to do with shoes I do not know. Regardless I found this display charming.
Change may have come to America but it’s still business as usual at this storefront. Despite his odious politics the man behind this missive is— believe it or not— a very nice guy. I have spoken to him.
I did a double take at this. Something else the greater Steinway Street and Broadway area sports are really cool old-school storefronts.
Like this…
and this.
A little ennui over pizza. And last— but hardly least—
my visit to Astoria taught me why I should never, EVER patronize a public pay phone again.
Damn.
Miss Heather
New York Shitty Day Starter: Bloomturd
Filed under: 11211, Bum Shit, Dung of the Day, Other Shit, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
It would appear that someone isn’t very keen of Mayor Mike’s 1,000,000 trees initiative.
Miss Heather
New York Shitty Day Starter: Domesticity Al Fresco
Filed under: Bum Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic, Street Furniture, Williamsburg
West Street
Green Street
South 5 Street
North 5 Street
North 9 Street
Norman Avenue
Judge Street
Graham Avenue
Franklin Street
RHComics (who contributed the above photograph: writes:
Unfortunately it’s time for me to move on. The 11222 offers a small variety of shack or dump and occasionally a one bedroom (with a shower in the kitchen and a toilet on a different floor) within my price range. All very tempting but I’ve reluctantly decided to return to Queens, the land of my birth.
New York Shitty will continue to be a daily read for me, unless the memories become too painful to bear. In closing here is a picture i took of a pile of shit someone left on top of a VCR Sunday morning on the corner of Newel and Norman.
This makes me sad. Inasmuch as some say the rents are falling here (and to some extent they are) the fact of the matter is they are still WAY above their fair market value. To close on related note if you want to see something that will bring you to point of tears (either via laughter or abject sadness) click here.
Miss Heather
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