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Culture on the Cheap
New York Shitty Slide Show Du Jour: East Village Selections
Filed under: 10003, 10009, Advanced Life Forms, Culture War, East Village, East Village Manhattan
As today’s decidedly NON-Brooklyn content indicates, yours truly knocked around the East Village yesterday. I was experiencing the worst kind of wanderlust imaginable and finally succumbed. I’m glad I did: I had a very enjoyable afternoon. The Mister (who met me later) had a good time as well. Given that yesterday was his “special day” this is a good thing— because the other 364 belong to me. Highlights from our sojourn in the bog city included— but are not limited to:
- An interrogation from a very cute— if intense— 5-6 year old girl about my wardrobe. After asking exactly how I get my top on and off (and I answered as best I could without exposing myself) she directed her attention (and hands) to my Hello Kitty necklace and purse. Thanks to these items I passed— albeit by a hair— muster.
- Having a man (upon seeing me taking pictures on the Bowery) inform me that Drew Barrymore lived in the building across the street. He seemed to be puzzled by the fact I didn’t care. I thanked him nonetheless for this (hither to be useful) piece of information.
- The Mister stumbling upon a gaggle of 20-somethings poring over a map at Astor Place and deciding that if they kept walking east they would find Bedford Avenue and North 3rd Street. While not entirely correct, their assessment is not entirely wrong either. I’m guessing this is the reason the Mister decided not to intervene. As I write this post I wonder if they found their destination. I imagine if they managed to reach the outer limits of Alphabet City they had a rather provocative evening— and the kind genuine New York City experiences they don’t cover in the guidebooks.
- And of course, there is the above item which I found on the East 10 Street wailing wall. Naturally it reminds me of a story. Here it goes. A collage buddy of mine, we’ll call her D, had the rather unfortunate habit of dating some of the most useless specimens of manhood to be had. This was especially true of a guy we’ll call “Fuckhead”. Why the moniker, you ask? Very simple: he was a hockey fan and had the annoying habit of wearing a hockey puck shaped piece of head gear when enjoying the sport. This apparel was emblazoned with the word “Puckhead”. I and a few other folks who were not too fond of this gent simply changed a letter and this became our moniker for him. ANYHOO, “Fuckhead” also liked basketball— and did not like to do housework. So you can imagine how D felt when she came home from a hard day at work to discover Fuckhead (who, it should be added, only worked part time) sitting on his tuckus watching the game— and that the garbage had not been taken out. She had assigned him this one very simple task before she left for work. It should also be noted that D was also experiencing her period. You, dear readers, will quickly learn why this somewhat sordid piece of information is salient to my tale— so humor me.In any case, she was not the least bit happy and told him so. In return Fuckhead continued watching the game. After quickly deducing that employing words and reason were not working she went to Plan B: she reached into her underwear, grabbed her used sanitary napkin and affixed it to the monitor of the television set. This got Fuckhead’s undivided attention, but he did not feel compelled to remove it. He continued to “watch” the game— and she continued to fume. As I understand it, this used feminine hygiene product remained on the television set for several hours. D eventually removed it. I cannot recall who ended up taking out the trash. But that’s not really important— and I digress.
Without further ado here are highlights from my six hour trek around the East Village and beyond. Enjoy!
This slide show can be seen in larger format by clicking here.
Miss Heather
Spotted In Manhattan: Worst Ad Campaign EVER
Where do I start with this? Twenty four hours after spotting these ads in Manhattan words still fail me. But I will attempt to articulate my feelings anyway:
- If this tactic, e.g.; using children/young ‘uns to boost ratings/sales hasn’t worked for network television— FOR DECADES (See: Scrappy Doo and Oliver)— I fail to see why/how it is going to work now.
- I really wish media pundits, advertising wizards and their brethren would disavow themselves of the erroneous notion that everyone thinks babies are cute. They don’t. I know because I am one of these people. Before anyone cries “child hater” I want to make it known I like kids: once they have learned to speak— and more importantly— are toilet trained.
- Since no one in the “focus group” that was undoubtedly conducted to assess this “concept” didn’t say so I will here and now: when I see babies I think of one thing: incontinence. This does not make me want to buy your product. Quite to the contrary: even the vaguest insinuation that your product will reduce yours truly to wearing diapers (again) makes me run— not walk— the other direction.
- The advertisement with 30-40 man sporting the above shirt (which I can kick myself for not photographing) is just plain creepy.
- I would like to humbly recommend the folks responsible for this acquaint themselves with the following chap (who is an institution of sorts at the Coney Island Mermaid Parade) and retool their campaign accordingly.
THIS is what I call living young!
Miss Heather
Great Moments In Real Estate Advertising: Bushwick, Retooled
Although I have featured this item already (albeit via a slide show) I have since decided something this cringe-worthy does, indeed, merit its own post. Here it is. Anyone care to perform a little Photoshop magic on this bad boy? If so, please send your masterpieces to: missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com.
Please keep your files at 1200 x 900 pixels or less. Thanks!
Miss Heather
From The New York Shitty Inbox: Another Party At 66 North 1 Street?
Night before last I could not for the life of me fall— and STAY— asleep. I attribute the latter to our furkid, Jerzy. He has recently decided that the wee hours of the morning are “play time”. All I am going to say it’s a damned good thing the little fella is cute. Sadly , the same cannot be said about the following batch of night owls. M writes:
dear miss heather
thank you for your help last time, i appreciate it. it is 1:47 a.m. and there is another party in the same unrented condo building at 66 North 1st street. this time people are inside all the unrented apartments, some have red lights on, and there are people on the roof ( last time it was just the courtyard) i called the police and they said they already had complaints and a car was on the way but they said this last time and nothing happened until 8 am. i am praying this is not a repeat.i went over and the people were not at all friendly and one of them said “this is dumbo” (!!! —Ed. Note) so they are also geographically challenged. i told them i had called the police and this made them a little nervous but they have not turned the music down.
i have no idea who is throwing the party, but i think it’s a security guard on the take. i think the developer must not have taken the complaints seriously last time. the crowd is younger and more mixed this time, including a lot of Hispanic teenagers, a very different crowd than last time. no boas were spotted.
Now jump forward to this morning. A photograph of said festivities was awaiting my delectation.
Another anonymous tipster writes:
I’m sure people who are buying these condos would love to know people have been partying in them first.
Indeed! I wonder what’s next for this— Williamsburg’s most swingingest nondo— a casino, perhaps? If any of you, dear readers, can think of other more compelling alternative uses for this repurposed piece of residential property please share them via the comments. The best submission will win a (to be determined) prize.
Miss Heather
Carroll Gardens Gentrification Watch: OMFUG
This (which hails from Ferdinando’s Focacceria on Union Street) was one of the many interesting sights from my stint as amateur tour guide today in Carroll Gardens and Red Hook— and the operative word is “amateur”. The end result of my decision not to bring along a map was the people in my charge visiting such scenic points of interest as Ikea and the Red Hook Houses. They were polite enough not to complain— or they enjoyed it. It was too hard to tell. In any case, we had a fun time overall and you can anticipate a mini slide show of highlights from our meanderings in a bit!
Miss Heather
LAST GASP: Automotive High School Isn’t McCarren Park’s “Home Team”
Filed under: 11211, 11222, Culture War, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
When I read this article by the inimitable Aaron Short I became furious. Not only do I find the fact these youths have to travel one mile (and purchase their own Metrocards) for the pleasure of playing football when there’s a field across the street utterly ludicrous, but I cannot shake the nagging suspicion that race— or at least class— has something to do with this. These suspicions are not in the least bit assuaged when I read a quote like this, which comes from a Department of Education Spokesperson:
It creates too many obstacles and we don’t want to have any kind of furious accidents there.
Perhaps Ms. Feinberg would be kind enough to explain to me exactly what constitutes a “furious accident”? God only knows I have seen my fair share (and then some) of unsavory activity at McCarren Park. I fail to see how a high school football game could possibly make the situation any worse. If anything watching these games would, in all probability, be a source of enjoyment for many in our community. But of course, youth football games do not make money. Which brings me to the Parks Department’s rationalization for this farce:
…A Parks Department spokesman added that the athletic league’s rules state that the games must be played in places that are not open to the public. Four years ago, the Parks Department actually issued permits for two Pistons games in McCarren Park, but the city reversed course, citing security concerns…
Yet, these very same people have no problem whatsoever taking much-needed playground space (READ: Barge Park) to throw carpet-bagging fund raisers. Events, which I can assure you, are of negligible interest to the people who use said park(s). Here’s the deal:
In the 10+ years I have lived here I have seen nothing but good things happening at the Automotive High School. It has come a long way. The Automotive High School’s students have treated me with nothing but respect. When they have bumped into me on Bedford Avenue (as excited gaggles of teenagers often do after school— we are talking about kids, after all) they have always said “excuse me”. This cannot be said of many folk who populate Bedford Avenue nowadays. Why is it so difficult for this city to— instead of blame-tossing— afford these youths a little respect and consideration? They deserve it. In closing here are a few vintage shots of football at McCarren Park.
Miss Heather
Photo Credits: The image at the beginning of this post was taken by Aaron Short.
New York Shitty Day Starter: Absolut Greenpoint
Filed under: 11222, Crosstown Local, Culture War, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic
From the Greenpoint Avenue stop of the Crosstown Local.
Miss Heather
NYS Flickr Pool
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